The Rest is Still Unwritten

thanks

Whats wrong?

nothing i was saying thansk to my poems

indeed...

They way you look into them eyes of hers...
They way you kiss them lips of hers...
They way you smile after wards at her...
Is the way you you look into my eyes...
The way you should kiss me...
The way you should smile at me...

The way you hug her...
The way you touch her...
The way your body's are close together...
Is the way you should hug me...
The way you should touch me...
The way our body's should be close together...

The way that that you make her feel...
The little feeling you give her heart...
The way you make her fall in love...
Is the way you should make me feel...
The feeling you should give my heart,
The way you should make me fall in love...

But i guess you already give me that feeling...
You already give me the feeling in my heart...
And...
I have already fallen in love with you....
I love you...to bad you love her...

pretty deep, I'd never want to hear someone tell me that last part... 😮‍💨

When i first met you,
I didn't recognize your beauty,
But inside and out your flawless,
And seem to have the most perfect imperfections.

As i noticed you more,
I felt so much bliss,
And i realized it was you that made me feel that way,
It was so incisive i admired you.

Soon i got addicted,
And craved you always be here,
Sometimes I'd cry and moan if you wasn't,
My heart felt desolated.

Once i looked at you and burst into tears,
And still i wonder why?
But it was tears of happiness,
While you were around it felt hurt could not enter my life.

Not long ago i realized i love you,
Sometimes i didn't even know how to feel,
Every time you were in my sight,
You gave me the butterfly's.

I don't want to love you,
Because i know its impossible,
You could never adore me,
So i just kept it hiding my true feelings.

Until one day something you said,
Made me feel so Fearless,
I can't remember what it was,
But i got ready to say it.

As those three words left my mouth,
It felt like my heart rate had increased my thousands,
And my hands were shaking like i was being electrocuted,
The pause was intense waiting for your reply.

10/10!! shit!!!

I love "Waiting For Your Reply" Good job 😊

Unhappy with this but i cant make it work

looks into your eyes
as a tear falls from mine
i look down and bite by bottom lip
afraid to show him how i care
or to let him know how i really feel.
i didnt choose him because i didnt love him
But because I was afraid to lose him..

now he looks at me with diff eyes
they same guy who loved me
barely talks to me
i can feel my heart break
but i know it was my own doing
so as my head goes into my knees i sob
for the love tht i lost

bravo!!

Originally posted by Enslaved
When i first met you,
I didn't recognize your beauty,
But inside and out your flawless,
And seem to have the most perfect imperfections.

As i noticed you more,
I felt so much bliss,
And i realized it was you that made me feel that way,
It was so incisive i admired you.

Soon i got addicted,
And craved you always be here,
Sometimes I'd cry and moan if you wasn't,
My heart felt desolated.

Once i looked at you and burst into tears,
And still i wonder why?
But it was tears of happiness,
While you were around it felt hurt could not enter my life.

Not long ago i realized i love you,
Sometimes i didn't even know how to feel,
Every time you were in my sight,
You gave me the butterfly's.

I don't want to love you,
Because i know its impossible,
You could never adore me,
So i just kept it hiding my true feelings.

Until one day something you said,
Made me feel so Fearless,
I can't remember what it was,
But i got ready to say it.

As those three words left my mouth,
It felt like my heart rate had increased my thousands,
And my hands were shaking like i was being electrocuted,
The pause was intense waiting for your reply.

Fantastic Sarah, may I suggest a few alterations?

'But inside and out you're flawless'

'It was so incisive, {or} that i admired you'

'And craved you'd always be here
Sometimes I'd cry and moan if you weren't,'

'But they were tears of happiness,'

'You gave me the butterflies'

'So i just tried to hide my true feelings'

'It felt like my heart rate had increased tenfold'

Just tiny little amendments, they should make it more smooth... don't feel obliged to change it though, it's beautiful regardless 😉

Originally posted by Syren
Fantastic Sarah, may I suggest a few alterations?

'But inside and out [b]you're flawless'

'It was so incisive, {or} that i admired you'

'And craved you'd always be here
Sometimes I'd cry and moan if you weren't,'

'But they were tears of happiness,'

'You gave me the butterflies'

'So i just tried to hide my true feelings'

'It felt like my heart rate had increased tenfold'

Just tiny little amendments, they should make it more smooth... don't feel obliged to change it though, it's beautiful regardless 😉 [/B]

Enslaved:

First rule in poetry
Format: Capitalise the first letter for each new line. Each verse should serve as a complete sentence. It may not seem important, but remember this when or if you should decide to submit pieces for review and/or to be published.

Second: Punctuation is key as well as spell checking. Now for revisions, this is a suggestion as I've stated in other's pieces. Nothing more, nothing less. It's your work and your decision...s'up to you a'ight?

Yours:
looks into your eyes
as a tear falls from mine
i look down and bite by bottom lip
afraid to show him how i care
or to let him know how i really feel.
i didnt choose him because i didnt love him
But because I was afraid to lose him..

Revision:
I gaze...into your eyes,
As salted tears falls from mine.
I look away, biting my bottom lip.
Fear compels me to act indifferent,
And deny him my emotional thoughts and feelings.
What choice had I, when kept he, not out of love,
But of anguished fear of losing him.

Eh....bit of a really long stretch on my part. But the gist is the same, if not literally. Not necessarily the correct way as there are many ways to do poetry.

Originally posted by Enslaved
thanks... yes i amtrying to change the world i have a weeboy and im trying to make sure he understands u must never do that to women

Originally posted by Enslaved
yes but it is hard..All i know is how men hurt me one way all the other..How can i show him the right way if he never sees if for him self..

And, yeah, I agree with sy some, but overall excellence. Love it sweets.

Originally posted by NunYahBidness
Bravo! Bravo! I shall endeavour to follow suit.

Enslaved:

First rule in poetry
Format: Capitalise the first letter for each new line. Each verse should serve as a complete sentence. It may not seem important, but remember this when or if you should decide to submit pieces for review and/or to be published.

Second: Punctuation is key as well as spell checking. Now for revisions, this is a suggestion as I've stated in other's pieces. Nothing more, nothing less. It's your work and your decision...s'up to you a'ight?

Yours:
looks into your eyes
as a tear falls from mine
i look down and bite by bottom lip
afraid to show him how i care
or to let him know how i really feel.
i didnt choose him because i didnt love him
But because I was afraid to lose him..

Revision:
I gaze...into your eyes,
As salted tears falls from mine.
I look away, biting my bottom lip.
Fear compels me to act indifferent,
And deny him my emotional thoughts and feelings.
What choice had I, when kept he, not out of love,
But of anguished fear of losing him.

Eh....bit of a really long stretch on my part. But the gist is the same, if not literally. Not necessarily the correct way as there are many ways to do poetry.

*curties*

😂 I felt obliged...

I'm a complete sucker for perfect grammar and punctuation, (but I do make mistakes, so don't go on a mad hunt for all the ones you've noticed so far)... anyway, I often sound utterly pedantic and irksome, I know. But I mean no offence, and Sarah knows that.

As for your offer of amendment, I suggest you lengthen it, title it and call it your own, if Sarah used that she'd be guilty of plagiarism 😛

Guys can you live my spellings alone please..

Locked away in my own mind,
And me myself i just can't seem to find,
My true feelings that are inside,
And forever they will hide.

My heart in prisoned in fake feelings,
Not knowing the real meanings,
In myself not truly believing,
Because I'm so fake and deceiving.

I want to know the real me,
But i just cannot see,
I want all my feelings to be free,
But some one has locked them up and threw away

Originally posted by Enslaved
Unhappy with this but i cant make it work

looks into your eyes
as a tear falls from mine
i look down and bite by bottom lip
afraid to show him how i care
or to let him know how i really feel.
i didnt choose him because i didnt love him
But because I was afraid to lose him..

Originally posted by Enslaved
now he looks at me with diff eyes
they same guy who loved me
barely talks to me
i can feel my heart break
but i know it was my own doing
so as my head goes into my knees i sob
for the love tht i lost

Sorry your heart only feels sad things. Mine is the same way.