Women's Guide to Understanding Men
"I'm hungry." REALLY MEANS, I'm hungry.
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"I'm sleepy." REALLY MEANS, I'm sleepy.
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"Do you want to go to a movie?" REALLY MEANS, I'd like to have sex with you.
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"Can I take you out to dinner?" REALLY MEANS, I'd like to have sex with you.
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"Can I call you sometime?" REALLY MEANS, I'd like to have sex with you.
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"Nice dress!" REALLY MEANS, Nice cleavage!
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"What's wrong?" REALLY MEANS, What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
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"I love you, too." REALLY MEANS, Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
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"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." REALLY MEANS, I liked it better before.
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"Let's talk." REALLY MEANS, I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then we can have sex
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"Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
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"I like that one better." (while shopping) REALLY MEANS, Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
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"She's one of the rabid feminists," , "She refused to make my coffee."
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"That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless."
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"Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
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"It would take too long to explain," REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it works."
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"Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?"
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"We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
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"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard," REALLY MEANS, "I
can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
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"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love," REALLY MEANS, "I forgot our anniversary again."
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"It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
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"I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
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"I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the remote are dead."
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"That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, "Are you still talking?"
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"It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and naked women."
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"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
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"You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I forgot your birthday."
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"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses," REALLY MEANS, "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, wearing a thong."
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"I heard you," REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, "
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"You expect too much of me," REALLY MEANS, "You want me to stay awake."
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"I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket."
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"Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing," REALLY MEANS, "I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
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"What did I do this time?" REALLY MEANS, "What did you catch me doing?"
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"You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on another outfit. I'm starving."
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"I brought you a present," REALLY MEANS, "It was free ice scraper night at the ball/hockey game."
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"I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
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"This relationship is getting too serious," REALLY MEANS, "I like you as much as I like my truck."
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"We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She cleans them up."
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"I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."
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"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again."
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