No. 12
Life fades away from me,
into an unknown existence,
the world hates me and lets me know it,
only shielded from me,
I am numb,
bring unto me your suffering,
let me feed upon you,
and know the deaths of many,
bloodless feelings,
of hatred and loneliness,
boil within this shell,
of me,
of what I used to be,
drained of an emotion,
of which I never owned,
I lay waste to the silence of you.
Re: Poems for thee.
Originally posted by Kharhmah
No.2
The Universe goes round my head,
what’s alive and what is dead,
what is past what's yet to come,
time is wasting,
I am undone.
Of all the poems in your thread, i found this one to be the least mundane. It's short, quick to the point and shows some imagination. As for the others, it has no life, the imagery is a common trend among those who's feelings of depression is put to paper.
A worthwhile attempt, but lacking in your desire to convey beyond the drab lines of words that is quite literally bland and without colour. To say life sucks goes without saying, but to put it in a different perspective, e.g. "Life goes on and I the baggage left behind for no one to claim" says the same.
Originally posted by Naib
Of all the poems in your thread, i found this one to be the least mundane. It's short, quick to the point and shows some imagination. As for the others, it has no life, the imagery is a common trend among those who's feelings of depression is put to paper.A worthwhile attempt, but lacking in your desire to convey beyond the drab lines of words that is quite literally bland and without colour. To say life sucks goes without saying, but to put it in a different perspective, e.g. "Life goes on and I the baggage left behind for no one to claim" says the same.
Originally posted by Coldfirewhile i can understand you're reasons for such a trite challenge, i fail to see how THAT would impress upon you whether or not i have an imagination or lack thereof.
Wow... and you would know a lot about having imagination wouldn't you? If you can do better, then bring it on.
i spoke the truth of what i read, if truth is not what is sought or looked for, then what is the purpose in asking to review said poetry?
Originally posted by Naib
while i can understand you're reasons for such a trite challenge, i fail to see how THAT would impress upon you whether or not i have an imagination or lack thereof.i spoke the truth of what i read, if truth is not what is sought or looked for, then what is the purpose in asking to review said poetry?
You sound a lot like OBLH..... 😬 But seriously if you have some poems then post em, cuz I wouldn't mind seein how you write... And if you don't write em, then forget I said anything towards that effect.
OBLH? hopefully that was a compliment of sorts, otherwise i would much be offended i should say. however i was only pointing what I thought were mundane and lacking colour
thereby hoping against hope that the artist in question will therefore scrutinise the work to see if the validity of their emotional outbursts are justified in such a way as to create the world they visualise for all us readers to see, other than mere trappings of words
13
I dont want to be,
a famous poet,
I dont bother with effects,
they get written as they come,
spur of the moment,
emotional coverage,
for myself,
I dont write for you,
dont write for anybody,
I dont write for no one,
but myself,
I have no reason,
to wonder why,
I wrote them how I did,
these writings are MINE,
not yours to tamper with,
my work is perfect,
as I see it,
I feel no need,
to judge my feelings,
this is how I am,
if you dont like it,
tough.
Originally posted by Kharhmah
13
I dont want to be,
a famous poet,
I dont bother with effects,
they get written as they come,spur of the moment,
emotional coverage,
for myself,I dont write for you,
dont write for anybody,
I dont write for no one,
but myself,I have no reason,
to wonder why,
I wrote them how I did,these writings are MINE,
not yours to tamper with,
my work is perfect,
as I see it,I feel no need,
to judge my feelings,
this is how I am,if you dont like it,
tough.