Originally posted by Trickster
"Do you have a flag?"-Eddie Izzard
It doesn't make sense, but it's one of the funniest punchlines I've heard. Download some. I think that section is 'Cunning use of Flags'.
it's about the English occupation of africa isn't it?
English guy: 'i claim this land for England' *sticks flag in ground*
Native: 'erm... we live here'
English Guy: 'do you have a flag?'
if not then thats another funny sketch i've heard
"why do so many people need health? life is not that complicated, you get up go to work, eat 3 meals, take one good shit, and you go back to bed. Whats the ****ing history? And the part i dont get, if your looking for self health, why would you read a book written by somebody else? thats not self-health, thats health. theres no such thing as self-health. If you did it yourself, you didn't need health. You did it yourself! try to pay attention to the language we all agreed on"
- George Carlin
Originally posted by jaden101
another good chris rock one"people say to me (about the bad rep black people get in the hood)..."it aint us...its the media"...when i go to the cash machine at 2 oclock in the mornin...i aint lookin over my shoulders for the media...im looking over my shoulder for niggers"
i love that one...
Originally posted by Df02
it's about the English occupation of africa isn't it?English guy: 'i claim this land for England' *sticks flag in ground*
Native: 'erm... we live here'
English Guy: 'do you have a flag?'if not then thats another funny sketch i've heard
''You cant claim us, we live here''
''Do you have a flag''
''We dont need a bloody flag, we live here''
''No flag no country''
Darth Vader in the Death Star Canteen
''You’ll need a tray.”
“….do you know who I am?”
“… do you know who _I_ am?”
“This is not a game of ‘who-the-****-are-you?’… for I am Vader! Darth Vader! Lord Vader! I can kill you with a single thought!”
“Well, you’ll still need a tray…”
“No, I will not need a tray, I do not need a tray to kill you! I can kill you WITH-OUT A tray, with the power of The Force, which is strong within me, even though I _could_ kill you with a tray _IF_ I so wished! For I would hack at your neck with the thin bit until the blood flows in the canteen–”
“No, the food is hot, you’ll need a tray to put the food on.”
“Oh, I see the food is hot, I am sorry, I did not realise… ah-hah-hah, ha! Ah, yes… a tray for the… oh… I thought you were challenging me to a fight to the death.”
“A fight to the death?! This is the canteen, I work here…”
“Yes, but I am Vader, I’m Lord Vader, everyone challenges me to a fight to the death! - Lord Darth Vader? I’m Darth Vader, Sir Lord Vader, Sir Lord Darth Vader, Sir Lord Darth… Sir Lord Vader of Cheem? Sir Lord van von Vader-ham? The Death Star, I run the Death Star…”
“What’s the Death Star?”
“This is the Death Star, you’re _in_ the Death Star! I run this star…”
“…this is a star?”
“Yes, this is a ****ing star, I run it! I’m your boss!”
“You’re mr. Stevens?”
“No, I’m…. who is mr. Stevens?”
“Head of catering…”
“I’m not head of catering! I am Vader! I can KILL catering with a thought!”
“…what?”
“I can kill you all, I can kill ME with a thought, just… oh, ****it, I’ll get a tray…”
Eddie Izzard is the bomb! Milla, I've seen that one but I haven't got the clip personally (Darth Vader). Which show is he on? You gotta love the bit after the flags one,
''You cant claim us, we live here''
''Do you have a flag''
''We dont need a bloody flag, we live here''
''No flag no country, that's the rules.''
It doesn't sound funny, but then you just hear him say it...
Originally posted by bilb
OMG I friggin LOVE Eddie Izard!! You know where you can DL his stuff?? Woudl LOVE a link!! 😱