A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple mins. of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very lastest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed the door open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that he emptied a bucket of horse shit onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat whats left." The old lady step back and said, "Well! I hope you've got a damn good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."
Walking into the bar, Mike said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, I just had another fight with the old lady."
"Oh, yeah?" said the bartender. "And how did this on end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under that bed, you little chicken shit!"