A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business!
The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"
The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
馃槀
Originally posted by shellie
A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business!The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"
The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
馃槀
馃槅 I hope I get that lucky...
Originally posted by shellie
A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business!The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, "I make 0.00 a week. Why?"
The CEO then handed the guy ,200 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
馃槀
Nice!
Originally posted by Haru-Donovan
You are about to read the best definition of "True Bravery"True bravery is arriving home, stinking drunk after a very late night out with the guys, being met at the door and assaulted with a broom by your wife and still having the guts to ask:
"Are you cleaning, or were you flying somewhere?"
hysterical
3 Pigs walk into a bar. The first pig orders one drink then asked the bartender "where's the bathroom?"
The bartender said "down the hall to the right."
The second pig orders 2 drinks and asked the bartender "where's the bathroom?"
"Down the hall to the right." replied the bartender The third pig orders 3 beers and asks for the bill. The bartender said "don't you want to go to the bathroom?"
"No" said the pig. "I'm the pig that goes wee wee all the way home."
Originally posted by 搂P0oONY
3 Pigs walk into a bar. The first pig orders one drink then asked the bartender "where's the bathroom?"
The bartender said "down the hall to the right."
The second pig orders 2 drinks and asked the bartender "where's the bathroom?"
"Down the hall to the right." replied the bartender The third pig orders 3 beers and asks for the bill. The bartender said "don't you want to go to the bathroom?"
"No" said the pig. "I'm the pig that goes wee wee all the way home."
馃槵 eh, I got it, wasn't funny though...
A Russian woman married an English gentleman and they lived happily ever after in London. However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her huband.
The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy some chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation clucked like a shicken and lifted her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs.
The next day, she needed to get some chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbottoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.
The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
What were you thinking? Helloooo, her husband speaks English!!
Now get back to work!
Originally posted by Haru-Donovan
A Russian woman married an English gentleman and they lived happily ever after in London. However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her huband.
The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy some chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation clucked like a shicken and lifted her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs.
The next day, she needed to get some chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbottoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.
The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...What were you thinking? Helloooo, her husband speaks English!!
Now get back to work!
馃槅 thumbsup I'm going to remember that
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The mortician needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together. Where you saw one, you saw all three.
Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over."
The mortician rooled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope ain't Bubba."
The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Ypu, his face is pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "Nope, it ain't Bubba."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."
"What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'
Originally posted by Haru-Donovan
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The mortician needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together. Where you saw one, you saw all three.
Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over."
The mortician rooled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope ain't Bubba."
The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Ypu, his face is pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "Nope, it ain't Bubba."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."
"What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'
馃槀 eh, it's ok...
Ok last one for tonight.
Phone rings:
"Hello is this the FBI?"
"Yes, what can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for your call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents decend on Virgil's houe. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
The phone rings at Virgil's house.
"Hey, Virgil! This is Floyd. Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Happy Birthday, buddy!!"
Who says Rednecks aren't real bright.
Originally posted by Haru-Donovan
Ok last one for tonight.Phone rings:
"Hello is this the FBI?"
"Yes, what can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for your call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents decend on Virgil's houe. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
The phone rings at Virgil's house.
"Hey, Virgil! This is Floyd. Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Happy Birthday, buddy!!"Who says Rednecks aren't real bright.
馃槅