The Works Of A Devil

luv the poem

Originally posted by ShapedByWords
GIRL ACROSS THE SEA

My heart often travels it seems
To a land that I have never seen
If only for a few hours at a time
Trying to persuade you to be mine
And maybe I am a fool for believing
That a girl across the sea
Is all that I need to be complete
If I am, don't take this away from me
Not now when I need it most
It has been a year and a few days now
And still I find I love you some how
I am amazed at how you make me feel
How you convince me that dreams are real
And maybe I am a fool for believing
That a girl across the sea
Is all that I need to be complete
If I am, don't take this away from me
Not now when I need her most

*bows* thank you

aww this is so sweet and im sure stacey willlove it

Originally posted by ShapedByWords
GIRL ACROSS THE SEA

My heart often travels it seems
To a land that I have never seen
If only for a few hours at a time
Trying to persuade you to be mine
And maybe I am a fool for believing
That a girl across the sea
Is all that I need to be complete
If I am, don't take this away from me
Not now when I need it most
It has been a year and a few days now
And still I find I love you some how
I am amazed at how you make me feel
How you convince me that dreams are real
And maybe I am a fool for believing
That a girl across the sea
Is all that I need to be complete
If I am, don't take this away from me
Not now when I need her most

very cool, and very close to my own heart. love it M!

Thnx W! 😛

heh. only the truth dude.

Originally posted by ShapedByWords
GIRL ACROSS THE SEA

My heart often travels it seems
To a land that I have never seen
If only for a few hours at a time
Trying to persuade you to be mine
And maybe I am a fool for believing
That a girl across the sea
Is all that I need to be complete
If I am, don't take this away from me
Not now when I need it most
It has been a year and a few days now
And still I find I love you some how
I am amazed at how you make me feel
How you convince me that dreams are real
And maybe I am a fool for believing
That a girl across the sea
Is all that I need to be complete
If I am, don't take this away from me
Not now when I need her most

Hey Sarah i am confused here how the hell u know my name??

Originally posted by ShapedByWords
GIRL ACROSS THE SEA

My heart often travels it seems
To a land that I have never seen
If only for a few hours at a time
Trying to persuade you to be mine

And maybe I am a fool for believing
That a girl across the sea
Is all that I need to be complete
If I am, don't take this away from me
Not now when I need it most

It has been a year and a few days now
And still I find I love you some how
I am amazed at how you make me feel
How you convince me that dreams are real

And maybe I am a fool for believing
That a girl across the sea
Is all that I need to be complete
If I am, don't take this away from me
Not now when I need her most

Line breaks between stanzas do help, especially if you have what looks to be lyrical type chorus...

Suggestions: Change "seen" in line 2 to "been". Makes more sense. You can see a place in your mind even if you've never been physically there. And when read, it sounds more 'bean' rather than the colloquial 'ben'.

Remove "Trying", it does nothing to enhance line 4. And the rhythm will still remain if not a better read.

Here's an idea for your chorus:
And maybe I am a fool for believing
That a girl from across the sea
Is all that I need to complete me
Then don't take this away when I need it most

That last line is difficult, it flows better until you get to there.

Other than that, it's fair. But don't think you're special because I pick on yah!!! *snorts*

😆

hmmm, nun, good suggestions.

Thanks. Hopefully it'll be put to good use!

damn this smthin i miss so much

hopefully so! 😂

Originally posted by DreamingWarrior
hopefully so! 😂

im confused!

hahah what, take advise? probably a better one. 😂

Originally posted by DreamingWarrior
hahah what, take advise? probably a better one. 😂

Originally posted by snehin
im confused!