Another Updade:
I'd say I'm About Half Finished, With the Revisions At least. As I told Deathgod (Via Pm), I Plan To Re-Post Around The 24-25, So I Can Write Ahead A Little.
A Slight Bit More Of My Revisions:
Old Version:
Miles away, on a ton the outskirts of a busy town known as London, Draco Malfoy lying on his bed, apparently, asleep. He Had been up day and night, worrying about what might happen to him, because from what he knew, the Dark lord was very angry with him. It had all started a few days before, when he had led an attack of Death Eaters on Hogwarts. Everything had been going so well, until Draco Captured Dumbledore. Draco had told him that he HAD to kill him, Voldemort was threatening to kill his family if he didn’t. Dumbledore, in his infinite wisdom, had offered to protect Draco from Voldemort. Why was Dumbledore suddenly offering random Death Eaters the chance to switch sides? Did it have something to do with his potential power? Did Dumbledore want something from Draco? Was the Old Man really sincere, or was his reasoning something different all together. Whatever it was, it didn’t matter, because Sevrus Snape, Former Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher, had Killed Dumbledore after making an Unbreakable vow with Draco’s Mother. The two (Draco and Snape), then ran to out of the gates of Hogwarts and Disapparated, but not before Harry Potter confronted Snape, and learned that Snape was the mysterious half-blood prince.
New Version
Miles away, on the outskirts of the busy town known as London, A young man lay on his bed, apparently, asleep. His sleek, blond hair glistened in the light of the candle next to him. His hands cradled his head peacefully, yet he looked distraught; there was obviously something wrong. His Dreams, Were Terrible, And Incredibly life-like.His Troubles Had All Started At Hogwarts, When Voldemort Had Ordered Him To Lead A Battalion Of Death Eaters To Albus Dumbledore‘s Demise. Everything had been going so well, until Draco Had Actually Captured The Old Man. Dumbledore, in his infinite wisdom, had offered to protect Draco from Voldemort.
He had, for the past while, wondered what Dumbledore’s reasoning was for offering him a chance to join the Order. Did the Old man want something from Him? Perhaps Draco had some incredible abilities that Dumbledore wanted to Use? Was he really sincere about the whole thing, or was His reasoning different all together? Whatever the reason was, it was too late. Draco had failed, leaving Sevrus Snape, Former staff member and friend to Dumbledore, to do the dirty deed. He had made the Unbreakable Vow. Then, They Had Run For It.
Note, that there are still Re-Revisions to Go Through..