Mens Rules for Women

Man's Rules for Women

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Check your own oil! Please.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.

😂 lovely

😂

Rule 1: Call me Sir and fetch me a cookie.

That is all. 😐

Originally posted by ~Sir Mist~
Rule 1: Call me Sir and fetch me a cookie.

That is all. 😐

Just a few addendums to the rules for guys. Ladies, listen up.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

Or so it would seem until they go on a fact finding smear campaign and remind you of that little slip of the tongue that caused the insecurity trip they've been on since you said it 6 months ago..

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

Yeah, REALLY. Who cares if you look fat in it or not? As long as you're not standing in the way of the free beer and barbecue ribs at Lowe's "how to" seminar on how to build a deck, you're fine.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

That's why women are so mad when we do that..because WE actually have something we can scratch 😉

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

And stop bitching when we discuss our problems with our guy friends. The street runs both ways.

I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.
Hear hear! That means there's more to love!

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

Give this guy a box of cigars and 64,000 dollars. They say "nothing" and then get mad when we don't react the way they'd like us to. They said nothing was wrong, right? Well then what's the trouble?

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Amen. No more needs to be said on this one. Wait until after the 3 Stooges or WWE wrestling are over and THEN tell us what happened on the latest episode of Survivor....(this from personal experience.)

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

And on that note, tell your frind that "Yes" she would definitley be a fool to marry Moe from the 3 Stooges.

Crying is blackmail.

Yeah, and that's before the price of stamps.. 😉

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Hey, don't knock wearing a pair of Texas Steer workboots with your strapless evening dress until you've tried it.

OK,now that I hear the pistols cocking in the female section

of KMC, I'm outta here. *runs home and boards up windows and doors.* 😉

Originally posted by Dagons Blade
Just a few addendums to the rules for guys. Ladies, listen up.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

Or so it would seem until they go on a fact finding smear campaign and remind you of that little slip of the tongue that caused the insecurity trip they've been on since you said it 6 months ago..

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

Yeah, REALLY. Who cares if you look fat in it or not? As long as you're not standing in the way of the free beer and barbecue ribs at Lowe's "how to" seminar on how to build a deck, you're fine.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

That's why women are so mad when we do that..because WE actually have something we can scratch 😉

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

And stop bitching when we discuss our problems with our guy friends. The street runs both ways.

I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.
Hear hear! That means there's more to love!

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

Give this guy a box of cigars and 64,000 dollars. They say "nothing" and then get mad when we don't react the way they'd like us to. They said nothing was wrong, right? Well then what's the trouble?

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Amen. No more needs to be said on this one. Wait until after the 3 Stooges or WWE wrestling are over and THEN tell us what happened on the latest episode of Survivor....(this from personal experience.)

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

And on that note, tell your frind that "Yes" she would definitley be a fool to marry Moe from the 3 Stooges.

Crying is blackmail.

Yeah, and that's before the price of stamps.. 😉

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Hey, don't knock wearing a pair of Texas Steer workboots with your strapless evening dress until you've tried it.

OK,now that I hear the pistols cocking in the female section

of KMC, I'm outta here. *runs home and boards up windows and doors.* 😉

😂 wow.. that's greatly detailed

Originally posted by Masrix
Thats great 😂

Thanks Masrix 😄 SOme of it was pretty lame but hey it's 4 in the morning where I am and this is what you get from me when I'm deprived of sleep 😉

Some were off the top of my head and others like the one about saying what they need to say during commercials comes from my own personal experience--I had one girlfriend who would NOT shut up during any TV show I wanted to watch. YET, every time her soaps were on, God forbid if I even coughed when they were 5 secoinds away from finding out who the father of the baby was on "Days Of Our Lives."

Those were the days.

One more rule for women: Stop worrying about male bonding when we have our cookouts. Just because we sit on the deck with a weiner in each hand dosen't mean we're leaving you for another man. ..

Originally posted by Dagons Blade
Thanks Masrix 😄 SOme of it was pretty lame but hey it's 4 in the morning where I am and this is what you get from me when I'm deprived of sleep 😉

Some were off the top of my head and others like the one about saying what they need to say during commercials comes from my own personal experience--I had one girlfriend who would NOT shut up during any TV show I wanted to watch. YET, every time her soaps were on, God forbid if I even coughed when they were 5 secoinds away from finding out who the father of the baby was on "Days Of Our Lives."

Those were the days.

One more rule for women: Stop worrying about male bonding when we have our cookouts. Just because we sit on the deck with a weiner in each hand dosen't mean we're leaving you for another man. ..

lol, thats my favortie one yet, clever and funny gj 😂

You'll never win that one argument either: they'll NEVER believe you when you tell them they don't look fat in that dress.

One time this girl I knew got so po'ed at me she walked out on me.

She had a spaghetti strap evening dress on and I asked her, "that's the spaghetti strap you're wearing tonight, right"? And when she said yes, I told her to go out and bring some garlic bread and some sauce and a bowl of salad to go with it, and she lost her cool and went off on me. I swear, some people have no sense of humor.

Originally posted by Dagons Blade
You'll never win that one argument either: they'll NEVER believe you when you tell them they don't look fat in that dress.

One time this girl I knew got so po'ed at me she walked out on me.

She had a spaghetti strap evening dress on and I asked her, "that's the spaghetti strap you're wearing tonight, right"? And when she said yes, I told her to go out and bring some garlic bread and some sauce and a bowl of salad to go with it, and she lost her cool and went off on me. I swear, some people have no sense of humor.

Yeah I know what you mean, I had a GF who came over to my place one day andshe was wearing one hot ****ing swimming suit. She said " How do I look, Do I look fat in this?" And i said "No no! You look perfectly thin" and she freaked because she thought i was implying she was aneroix or belemic... The nerve!

Well the girl I speak of in the above thread...she came back later and apologized for her slew of curses, and when I told her she was wrong to hurt me like that, and told her she needed to respect people, she became mad again because I told her she was wrong, and it then became a round of Insults and Innuendos (3rd Edition Rules no less) and she then laid an ultimatum on me- "for the last time, I am asking you NOW, do I or don't I look fat in this"?

And if I said yes, she was going to leave me.

Hearing that, I silently smiled to myself and calmly said:

"No you don't lok fat in it, but if you keep going at your present rate they might be able to get 80 cents a pound for you at the next farmers' market."

And THAT WAS IT...WW3. I never saw her again and I was a free man, and no longer did I have to hear her take it out on me because she decided to Supersize one too many times at Big Mac's bar and grill..

Originally posted by Dagons Blade
Well the girl I speak of in the above thread...she came back later and apologized for her slew of curses, and when I told her she was wrong to hurt me like that, and told her she needed to respect people, she became mad again because I told her she was wrong, and it then became a round of Insults and Innuendos (3rd Edition Rules no less) and she then laid an ultimatum on me- "for the last time, I am asking you NOW, do I or don't I look fat in this"?

And if I said yes, she was going to leave me.

Hearing that, I silently smiled to myself and calmly said:

"No you don't lok fat in it, but if you keep going at your present rate they might be able to get 80 cents a pound for you at the next farmers' market."

And THAT WAS IT...WW3. I never saw her again and I was a free man, and no longer did I have to hear her take it out on me because she decided to Supersize one too many times at Big Mac's bar and grill..

these rules? um...yeah. they dont work.

You sure

Rules #1-100 for women: Don't talk. 🙂

yeah, real sure. if you follow these rules you will be alone for a real long time.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
these rules? um...yeah. they dont work.

Disclaimer:

The following dialogues were delivered by highly trained, skilled professionals. They were intended for humorous purposes only and should NOT be used by anyone looking to establish careers in the field of relationship counselor or anyone looking to be on ther next episode of Dr. Phil. These rules should never be attempted to be enforced or imitated in any fashion whatsoever in the home.

Originally posted by Dagons Blade
Disclaimer:

The following dialogues were delivered by highly trained, skilled professionals. They were intended for humorous purposes only and should NOT be used by anyone looking to establish careers in the field of relationship counselor or anyone looking to be on ther next episode of Dr. Phil. These rules should never be attempted to be enforced or imitated in any fashion whatsoever in the home.