It is no secret that Cafe Rio is one of the more popular restaurants among BYU students. It is for this reason I felt compelled to write this letter to expose something I found both shocking and saddening. I noticed Cafe Rio uses real Coca-Cola in its recipe for pork barbacoa. That means many of us have disobeyed the commandments of our prophets without even knowing it!
I am appalled Cafe Rio would perpetuate this subterfuge in Provo. Surely the owners must realize how many of us are striving to uphold the Word of Wisdom. How can we do that when they are secretly giving us real Coke? Now that this despicable deception has been brought to light, I think the only solution that we, as students of the Lord’s university, can embrace is to immediately stop patronizing Cafe Rio until it uses caffeine-free Coke in its pork barbacoa recipe.
Until then, let us eat on campus — BYU Dining would never serve real Coke. Further, I call on the Honor Code Office to consider whether students who continue to order pork barbacoa should have a place at this university. Surely we cannot have students attending BYU who don’t think it’s important to follow the prophets. If students insist on eating pork barbacoa at Cafe Rio, they should cede their spot at this university to someone who is willing to be obedient, even when it doesn’t suit their carnal tastes.
one time at youth conference
david and i bought this 12 pack of code red
the hard stuff
and we're kicking it in back of the van, throwing back brewskies and having a good time
we had powdered doughnuts and we were dusting the dust all over the back of this girls head and she never noticed, she was tanner's sister, and that's important
and i'm giggling just thinking about it because it was the funniest thing ever
and when we got to the cabin we claimed the highest room there and locked the door and we got in trouble for drinking soda instead of participating in the church stuff we were doing
and david had an airsoft gun, one thing you have to remember about david is he's a ****ing moron and anyway I actually shot myself with the gun on the way up in the van and everyone's all WHAT HAPPENED and I go all "nothing" while silently ermmading because my knee hurts
so instead of doing church stuff we're posted up in the room shooting the empty soda cans with the gun which is loud as all hell and everyone's all WHAT'S GOING ON and we're all "srug haermm" and this eventually grew into us yelling swear words to see if we could get away with it
later we go to the pool because this is like a multimillion dollar place, and tanner's sister is there and she was like 14 at the time and I was like 16 so it was ok, and we're all you know, "damn" and "she's a fox" all that, and we both decided we wanted to **** her, so we start formulating plans to do that
and tanner's all "you guys shouldn't drink that" in reference to our controversial choice of beverage and we're all like you know, **** off and anyway tanner was funny because he just didn't get that we didn't want him around, he thought we were messing with him
anyway I think that night we took some toothpaste and put it in his hand while he was sleeping and tickled his face and he got it all over just to be dicks
so we go back to our room (and it's night by now) and david yells "****" pretty damn loud and just says to pretend we're sleeping and we can hear the leaders creaking around on the floor outside looking for where it's coming from haermm
we did this for hours beause it was hilarious
so we fell asleep that night and woke up the next morning and tanner is outside on the ****ing balcony and you have to remember that I said it was the highest room in the cabin which was seriously like 4 stories or something and he's banging on the sliding door to wake us up and let him in
and both david and i look over slyly and we both nod and silently agree to not let him in and just pretend we were sleeping
so he's standing out in the cold summer morning on our balcony for like 2 hours because he can't get down because the dumbass climbed some weird shit to get up there in the first place
i think he was trying to get back at us for the toothpaste
anyway we finally let him in and he's all mad and so we let him out of our room and close the door again and go back to sleep and like i shit you not 30 seconds later the leader is there and banging on the door and asking if we're "decent" which I take to mean "were you two sleeping naked" and i think david whispers under his breath "what the ****" but i can't be sure. but anyway we're all yeah and it's bishop and he doesn't look happy and spots the cans immediately and grabs what's left of our stash and holds it high over his head and announces he's confiscating our soda for "inappropriate drinkage"
anyway i sliced my knee later that day and had to get stitches in town so i didn't even get to swim with tanners sister because i couldn't get my leg wet haermm
the best part was on the way home, because we asked bishop if we could each buy a bottle of dew and he was finally all "ok" and so we go in the gas station and buy another 12 pack and bring it out and he's all 😐 and so we take our seats in the back (cool kids sat in back) and tanner joins us and seems to forget all the shit we did to him and anyway he has pop rocks and david goes all "MIX YOUR POP ROCKS WITH MT DEW AND IT'S CRAZY" and Tanner just gets this look and goes all "ok, this one time"
and so he grabs a can and david and I are all haermm because tanner never drinks soda and this is a landmark moment in human history and tanner shoots us a maniacal look look, puts the rocks in his mouth and takes a swig
he starts like convulsing and shit and looks around for somewhere to spit it out and like pushes 4 girls out of the way to get to the door so he can spit
and we're all haermm
anyway he comes back and still has a can of dew like 9/10 full and says "i didn't want to swallow, I only wanted to taste it" and tries to give it back to us but we don't ****ing want it because it has his germs so he starts panicking because we'd left by this point and were driving and he had to hold it
it was one of those huge vans and it was pulling a trailer with all our shit
so he opens the back window flap dumps the can out the back
problem solved we thought
anyway we had to stop for gas again eventually and bishop is filling it and we see his face just drop like a bomb and comes around to the door and demands that david comes outside this instant
the soda tanner had poured had gotten ALL ****ing over the trailer because we were going like 60 MPH at the time and bishop thought it was david since david was a little shit the whole time and was the mt dew guy
so i actually laughed with tanner while david had to clean off the soda with those little wiper things they have at the gas station
more stories incoming