A couple want to have a bash at anal sex, but the woman decides to play it safe and seek medical advice first.
"Anal sex is perfectly safe," says her doctor, "as long as you take it slowly at first and use plenty of lubricant. And you take care not to get pregnant, of course."
"What?" says the woman incredulously, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?"
"Certainly," replies the doc, "where did you think chavs came from?"
A grandpa says to his grandson, "hey, Jimmy, want to see a magic trick?"
"Oh, yes please, grandpa!"
"Come up to the loft at midnight and I'll show you!"
So Jimmy goes up at midnight. His grandfather is only wearing a bathrobe.
"Right, take off your pants and sit down on my lap."
So Jimmy does. The grandfather then says to him, "feel my finger in your arse?"
"Yes, grandpa."
"Look, no hands."