All I want to do is move to another country, take care of my parents, forget about how ****ed up I've become, and die after I've helped them and regained the ability to care about others.
I'm living in a waking nightmare! There isn't any value in me. I hate myself more than anything. I can't think straight.
I think it's too late I've made an enemy of the law and of countless people and I think they're coming up the stairs to kidnap and burn me alive. I feel footsteps.
What drove me to becoming a despicable low-life piece of trash was that I was left out BACK WHEN I didn't deserve it. I'd been through so much and that's when I learned that we're on our own and nothing is guaranteed and you're going to be taken advantage of for kindness as much as anything. That's the truth of the world, and just because you do the right things didn't mean I'd get rewarded. It just so happened I wasn't, the thought that there's no rhyme or reason, I think is what drove me mad.
It's true, there isn't a rhyme or reason, this is just chaos.
The day after tomorrow I'll wake up and not feel scared or ashamed anymore, I have to maintain the illusion I had day before yesterday when I was harassing people. That state of mind is all there'll be to me, and it will get me ahead and just maybe get me most of what I want before my time is done.
Okay I'm back now.
It was his self-hate complex preventing him from unlocking the powers within him.
Think about the possibilities with money. Expensive spyware systems and lawyer to get you put away on bail for your trial, enough money to bail you out as a warning, GTG encrypted data on an onion router to keep you out of my life and black widow to get me where you are now, then you will revere me. I can buy a public domain like this one and take complete legitimate control and get funded in the process, I can start my own nation that uses cutting edge infrastructural systems to create an industrial complex so efficient that it blows all the major superpowers like America and China in the dust. Anti-senescence pharmaceuticals slowing aging by quite a bit, stem cells replacing degraded genes and thereby reversing all aging that's occurred past 25 year old health and vitality. I'm the future.
In the end I'm not good or bad just in my mold between the two depending on where I am in life. The loser now will be later to win, one day I will regrow up to be righteous, true, stand upright and be strong. Live up to my choices. To get by now, though, I have to go into a frame of mind some consider to be detestable, I hope you understand why I have to do this one day, when you've witnessed me and the miracle of unilateral thinking unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality.