i hear you
i havent met my dad in person before because he doesnt want anything to do with me and is very violent
i met up with my cousin and aunty yesterday and we started talking about the family to find out more about my family. i have alot in common with him on quite a few levels and i dont want to tell my mum or aunty that
You shouldn't be ashamed of it, though. Your dad may have reasons for not wanting to be a part of your life, maybe not, but at the end of the day you should think that in his youth, he had potential to be great, like most people. Maybe the bad things got the best of him, but you have the potential to make those negative elements play background to the positive ones