For my next trick, I'll get really drunk, ask out a really attractive girl I've never spoken to and get brutally knocked back, hit on my friend's crush for no reason at all and ruin a friendship, leave my lesbian mate a tearful and what seems at the time genuine and heartfelt admission of love as a voicemail that turns out in the morning to be extremely clingy and even somewhat ominous, ring my ex and tell her that I'll always love her unconditionally, then pass out on my couch and piss myself in the night.