Malak blasts 3PO apart right when the race starts, while he's doing that though, Vader hacks off Malak's mechanical jaw, forcing Malak to stop dead in his tracks and start break-dancing. Vader meanwhile grabs a bystanders cup of water, BUT, it's not water. It's black coffee. Vader burns his tongue out and slips onto a live-wire.
Meanwhile, the truth behind Luke's sexuality is made clear when it's discovered he's abducted Yoda, who is found a week later stuffed inside the trunk of a car, covered in Lube, with his underpants missing.
Mace in the meantime has conjured up a Tasty Burger, and is in the middle of enjoying it when his foot trips on a fragment of Marka's skull, thereby hurling him forward to the ground. He tries to save his Tasty Burger by keeping it above his head. But it's no good, Palpatine, who made a bet with Xizor the Head Gangsta, specifying that Mace wouldn't win no matter what, has summoned up a Miracle Blade III Perfection Knife, and has hacked off Mace's Burger arm. Mace is horrified by this loss of arm and Burger that he yelps like a b*tch, and plummets over the unfinished Tram track on the roadside, electricity spouting from his orifices due to the batteries he consumed earlier. (to let him keep on going, and going, and going)
Since noone crossed the finish line, Palpatine declares himself the winner, and announces that the Republic will be reorganized into the FIRST, GALACTIC, PIMPHUB, for a safe, and mothaf*ckin...society.