Boy friend, Girl friend

I've been reading through the posts about a guy who wants to save a girl that is in a different relationship.....It's interesting, but I feel it's becoming somewhat analytical.......I my self have seen how relationships have failed even to the point of engagement souring to find a new relationship.....

How do you feel relationships should be, if to stay or leave them...

What would make you stay, or leave them. Is it your growth, or lack on a partners to do so also....Being too clingy, or just there until someone better comes along....And if in a relationship, how would you handle leaving it...

Here's an add on: Do you feel that it's their loss or your loss in many relationships you've been in...And why.....(honest now).

Many years ago, I found that you can easily drive yourself crazy if you analyze all the nooks and crannies of a relationship. Yes, some "analysis" is helpful, to point out specifics which may (or may not) be fixable. But what I really found helpful was the "traffic light" approach on whether to continue in a relationship or not. This involves being open to one's feelings, being honest with oneself, trusting your instincts.
If you "feel" a green light, the relationship is still a go.
If you feel a red light, time to move on.
Yellow lights: toughies, usually needing more specifics to work on.

Who's loss is it? It certainly makes you feel a lil better if you can say "It's their loss," so IMO that kinda thinking serves more as a healing balm than anything else. For myself, it's gone both ways.

The important thing to realize is that (as I posted in another thread), a broken heart, like a broken bone, does heal and usually comes back stronger.

I've been in very few relationships... you can barely even call them that. i ended them. I'm just not good at it and I've never found anyone I've really liked (well, who liked me back)

The loss thing? Maybe it was my loss since I never give things a chance and it could have turned into something special. Or perhaps their loss since they lost someone they really liked. *shruggles* dontgetit

Originally posted by debbiejo
I've been reading through the posts about a guy who wants to save a girl that is in a different relationship.....It's interesting, but I feel it's becoming somewhat analytical.......I my self have seen how relationships have failed even to the point of engagement souring to find a new relationship.....

How do you feel relationships should be, if to stay or leave them...

What would make you stay, or leave them. Is it your growth, or lack on a partners to do so also....Being too clingy, or just there until someone better comes along....And if in a relationship, how would you handle leaving it...

Here's an add on: Do you feel that it's their loss or your loss in many relationships you've been in...And why.....(honest now).

Relationships are a complicated thing for me. Sometimes, I get into them too easily. Sometimes I don't take advantage of a situation that's been sitting right in front of me, for one reason or another. Sometimes it's self-doubt, sometimes it's not knowing how the other person feels, and other times it's my own stupidity. There are always different reasons you leave a relationship. But, for me, it's always been because I know myself. I know what I can handle, and what I can't. I know that sometimes I will become too much for someone. Not in a "clingy" sort of way, but because I seldom change for anyone. And when I do, it's always been a momentary comprimise. One has to be willing to change to be in a relationship. And I've always seen changing for someone else as a way that can have some measure of control over me. And I can't deal with that....at all.

The relationships I've had that ended, it's not a matter of good for them or me. In relationships that I actually gave a shit about the other person, have always ended because I knew it was what was best for both of us.

A wise person once said to me: "It's about MAKING it work" "It's about choosing someone, and making it work." But, for me, I knew myself too well. And it wasn't a matter of not wanting to make it work, it was a matter of knowing it wouldn't. I might have been selfish and self-centered, but I knew what was best, for both of us.

^That is a good answer. I also feel changing oneself for someone else is a measure of control either way. I feel it's kind of immature to ask someone to change..Someone should be accepted as they are. That's the problem in many relationships. .........The problems as I see it is poor communication as well right from the start.

Originally posted by debbiejo
^That is a good answer. I also feel changing oneself for someone else is a measure of control either way. I feel it's kind of immature to ask someone to change..Someone should be accepted as they are. That's the problem in many relationships. .........The problems as I see it is poor communication as well right from the start.

I agree very much so. If you aren't yourself in a ralationship and always have to put on a mask when you're around that person, than that person will never truly know you in both heart and soul, and how can you love somebody with all your heart and he/she doesn't know the real you. He/she wouldn't be loving you... they would be loving a mask of you? But to answer your question, the reason I might even think about them, is if they were happier without me. And in which case I would feel it my loss, but I wouldn't be made at them or hate they just for that, as long as they are happier without me I'll live.

Originally posted by Itzak
I agree very much so. If you aren't yourself in a ralationship and always have to put on a mask when you're around that person, than that person will never truly know you in both heart and soul, and how can you love somebody with all your heart and he/she doesn't know the real you. He/she wouldn't be loving you... they would be loving a mask of you? .

Originally posted by debbiejo
Yes, and the problem arises when the real you starts seeping through the mask, because you can't pretend forever, for sure.

Exactly!

Originally posted by debbiejo
Yes, and the problem arises when the real you starts seeping through the mask, because you can't pretend forever, for sure.

Well, being myself is what I do best. And I think that the people I've been in relationships with, have gotten a pretty accurate idea of who I am, and what I'm like.

Not every relationship is perfect. Every relationship has ups and downs but we all have to work through it. Thats called relationship.

Originally posted by Capt_Fantastic
Well, being myself is what I do best. And I think that the people I've been in relationships with, have gotten a pretty accurate idea of who I am, and what I'm like.

You know that quote "I'm different, just like everybody else" well if you think about it, and question it, and ask "why is everybody different from me." Then you would have to ask another question... "Why weren't we made different from each other" Answer: If we were all the same, than everybody would agree with each other, and their wouldn't be any war, or killing, but we wouldn't have our passion, and we wouldn't be able to love just one person. So in order for us to love one person and have them love you... We were made different from each other, so that each of us can experience love, hate, and all thos other things. You well find that someone, but only when you're ready.

With the relationship I'm in now, he is giving me the silent treatment and not responding to my PM's, but I love him too much to leave him. It's just that connection we have to one another.

Originally posted by Salem07
With the relationship I'm in now, he is giving me the silent treatment and not responding to my PM's, but I love him too much to leave him. It's just that connection we have to one another.

If a person can't communicate in a decent manner, then out with them.....learned that from experience.
Once I learn a lesson, I'm much more likely to never repeat it.

Originally posted by debbiejo
That's called playing a game. I for one don't like to play "the game"....Too much effort.

If a person can't communicate in a decent manner, then out with them.....learned that from experience.
Once I learn a lesson, I'm much more likely to never repeat it.

Bravo. clapping ditto.

Originally posted by Itzak
You know that quote "I'm different, just like everybody else" well if you think about it, and question it, and ask "why is everybody different from me." Then you would have to ask another question... "Why weren't we made different from each other" Answer: If we were all the same, than everybody would agree with each other, and their wouldn't be any war, or killing, but we wouldn't have our passion, and we wouldn't be able to love just one person. So in order for us to love one person and have them love you... We were made different from each other, so that each of us can experience love, hate, and all thos other things. You well find that someone, but only when you're ready.

Okay?...

Address what I'm talking about.....

Originally posted by Capt_Fantastic
Okay?...

Address what I'm talking about.....

🙂 I was worried I didn't make myself clear enough. Let me try again...

[/i]
Well, being myself is what I do best. And I think that the people I've been in relationships with, have gotten a pretty accurate idea of who I am, and what I'm like.[/QUOTE]

What you're doing is perfectly fine, (I don't know why you would have any problems with relationships ,) the only reason that there might be a problem is... maybe the other person doesn't appreciate you for who you are, and that ties in to what I was saying earlier about being different. If you are yourself and the person you love doesn't appreciate you, it saves you and them from a heart ache. And you also have to remember... Where does a relationship start? When you really like some one, or when you love them? The answer is different from everybody, but I find it much easier to start when you're in love, other wise its just like trying to fall in love with a strange.

Am I making myself clean enough, if not I'm sorry.

Relationships... Pfff I just got over a great drama in my personal life.
The bottom line is that I was wearing a mask, and I learned in a to damn hard way that is just the stupidest thing you can do. Then I also started cheating and that killed myself. The hardest thing I ever had to do in my life was breaking up with him for that reason.
But I learned from it, I healed and I came out stronger.

Originally posted by Rave X
Relationships... Pfff I just got over a great drama in my personal life.
The bottom line is that I was wearing a mask, and I learned in a to damn hard way that is just the stupidest thing you can do. Then I also started cheating and that killed myself. The hardest thing I ever had to do in my life was breaking up with him for that reason.
But I learned from it, I healed and I came out stronger.

Well then I hope the best for ya.

Originally posted by Rave X
Relationships... Pfff I just got over a great drama in my personal life.
The bottom line is that I was wearing a mask, and I learned in a to damn hard way that is just the stupidest thing you can do. Then I also started cheating and that killed myself. The hardest thing I ever had to do in my life was breaking up with him for that reason.
But I learned from it, I healed and I came out stronger.

good for you then

I just broke up with my girlfriend after nearly 2 years. I loved her, but recently my love had begun to drift away after one too many arguments.

One of the hardest things to accept in a relationship is that even though you may love each other, you may not be compatible. At the moment, I feel kind of relieved, but I'm sorry for pain she's feeling. Even though my decision to break-up with her is the reason for her pain, I think it would have been more hurtful to her if we stayed together even though I didn't want to. Thoughts?