Batman Esculation

Wow, Hellmaster, just enough there to keep you gagging for more!!!! Bring on the next scene!!! 😄

OK, the next scene... thankls for the positive replies, guys. Here's a calmer scene:

‘The home of Al Simmons and Wanda Blake, Manhattan, New York City’

A living room. Al is sitting slumped on a chair; Wanda’s lying relaxed on the sofa with a copy of New Woman open on her lap.
Al: “When did Dr Hamilton say he’d ring, honey?”
Wanda: “Oh, Al, just calm down! Even if we can’t have a kid, we still have each other…. Right?
Al: (stretching and yawning) “Yeah… right. But with the missions Wynn’s been sending me on, I don’t know how long that’ll last… damn his crazy vendettas… I don’t trust that bastard!”
Wanda: Al, what are you saying? Don’t talk that way, honey… it scares me!
Al: “I don’t know anything for sure, but Wynn’s lately been sending me on very suspicious missions… I shouldn’t be telling you this, but my last mission was to assassinate the dictator of Goravia! I mean, couldn’t that start a civil war?”
Wanda: “Oh, Al… do what you feel is right! If you believe that Goddam bastard Wynn isn’t serving the interests of the USA… if you believe he’s a damn traitor, then you HAVE to find proof... and if you do, then you MUST report him! Just remember Al, if Wynn knows you suspect him of anything, he won’t even hesitate to have you killed!”
Al: (rises from his chair, coughs) You’re right…. I can’t carry on like this… carrying out what could amount to be MURDERS on behalf of Jason Wynn… but Jason is… or was… my friend. And therefore I can’t go behind his back… I can’t betray my old friendship with Wynn. I’ll confront him tonight. Talk to him. I owe him that much, Wanda, maybe even more…”
Al walks out of the room. Wanda stares bleakly at the door. A car engine is heard starting up outside. Wanda stifles a sob and wraps her arms around her legs, sitting up and allowing New Woman to slide onto the floor.
Wanda: “Oh, Al… come home safe tonight… please be all right!”

Good scene, you write good chracter driven scenes. Here is my latest Batman Escaltion scene, It is about Catwoman and Joker teaming up to destory Batman.

Joker walks out of a burned house, Catwoman jumps from a building and lands on a tree near him.

Joker: So my dear what do you think of my fireworks.
Catwoman: No offence, but clowns are not really my type.
Joker: On the contrary my very attractive feline friend but I am not here to chat up as it were, no I have bigger things to think about.
Catwoman: Like what?
Joker: Oh I would like to see a certain someone turn batty.
Catwoman: Ah the Batman, I would also like to see him go mad.
Joker: Ah it seems we share the same little goal. Now how should we bring the Batman to knees?
Catwoman: We have to find a weakness.
Joker: I have got it, tee hee, we will unmask him, but I need your help for that.
Catwoman: What do I do then?
Joker: I need you to get close to him, and then when the time comes, we stab him in the back. Then the Batman will become insane, I will drive him to insanity ha ha ha ha ha.
Catwoman: Just out of interest why are you so bent on driving Batman to madness?
Joker: Well me and old Batty boy have had some long history, he has made me into what you see today, let’s just say I want to return the favour.
Catwoman: Right and what do I get out of this?
Joker: My dear with the Batman out of the way you are guaranteed riches by yours truly.
Catwoman: How do I know you are not lying?
Joker: Come on don’t I look like a trusting person.
Catwoman: Well okay, who are you?
Joker: I am the person who is going to drive the Batman insane, now get to work.
Catwoman: How do I call you?
Joker: Watch out for my sign.
Catwoman: Your sign??????

Then she picks up a card of the floor nearby, she turns it around and notices there is a Joker on it.

Nice... try to fit the scene together a bit more though. No offence meant here, but you often seem to miss obvious points that would be better at the start and then say "by the way" which sounds slightly... unnatural... Just a point. 😄

Cool, what did you like about it?

Like? I like the Joker... he really feels creepy, not too silly or whatever. And there's mostly good chemistry while the main characters are talking.

Out of all the scenes I have written, this by far is the one scene where I felt that I have rushed writing it. The next scene I am posting is when Catwoman is finds out that Bruce Wayne is Batman. Also I have the ending to the second Batman script that I am working on.

I'm afraid I could tell. your writing style suffered a bit. However, it is still pretty good! Oh... another slight pint that i've noticed: you often have character's aying "it is", "I am" and "you are" etc very much. It sounds a little unnatural. Most people say "It's, I'm, you're" etc and it sounds... more natural. You have to remmber you want people to believe the actors are really those characters!

This is the next Batman script I am working on.

Synopsis of Batman:Tragedy Strikes or Batman: War Games
Five months after the events of Batman Escalation. Joker awaits trail, Catwomen leaves Gotham and the three mob bosses prepare for gang warfare. But once Joker is on trail he awakens Harvey Dent`s other persona Two Face by throwing acid in his face. Now a torn man Harvey Dent unleashes terror with his crimes across Gotham City. While this is going on the three mob bosses, Penguin, Black Mask and Rupert Thorn wage war on each other which puts Gotham in dire peril. Caught in the middle of trying to make Harvey Dent good again and fighting Mob Bosses Batman tries to defend Gotham from terrorising itself apart. But the Dark Knight is not alone he is joined by Lt Jim Gorden, Catwomen and small gangs to help fight of the Mob Bosses and Two Face.

One point: "making Harvey Dent good agaiun" just sounds... wrong. Try rephrasing that!

What did you like about it?

I liked the idea that its doesn't sound false. all those events could happen on the batman stage!

Indeed! it sticks to the realism of BB plus is based largely on a great Batman comic arc, War Games! However, i find Rupert Thorne to be a bland and rather crap character. Surely Sal Maroni would be better? i'm sorryn if I only post criticism in a post and foget to put compliments, as I have honestly not seen anything very wrong with ANY of your work!

hey sartaj, just checkin out your new script.........it's pretty groovy. i think you've made catwoman too formal though. I think Joker's cool though. when isn't he cool though?! lol.

Originally posted by XxX-Gabriel-XxX
hey sartaj, just checkin out your new script.........it's pretty groovy. i think you've made catwoman too formal though. I think Joker's cool though. when isn't he cool though?! lol.

I am trying to make the Joker creepy just like out of Arkham Asylum. I want the Joker to be creepy not cool, Morgan.

Joker's always cool, whether or not he's creepy... 😄

Thats for sure.

this is how i see the Batman Begins sequel starting out.

with Bruce talking, as the Batman Molossus song begins to start playing.
and they show comic photos of all the scenes Batman appeared in the movie like in the beginning of Spiderman 2 with spidey kissing mary jane etc.

*song starts with opening credits*

Bruce: "I once made a promise on the foot of my parents grave that I would rid the city of the same evil that took their lives(shows them getting shot down in that 1 scene).....I cannot break my promise. Bruce Wayne is dead.....Who am I?

Im Batman."

Its good. But I prefer this beginning, the one I have written myself. I am thinking of writing an extended version or an alternative beginning but I just have to wait and see.

A place near the Docks.
Random Cop: What is it this time?
Random Cop: Just another killing, but the victim is smiling.
Cop: Seems this been happening all over the city.
Cop: What do you mean?
Cop: There`s been loads of bodies found with the victims smiling.
Cop: Strange times these are.
Cop: Hey guys I found this.
Cop: A Joker Card
Suddenly a huge explosion erupts and all cops die soon a lone figure emerges from the fire.
Joker: Aren`t Tragedies extremely funny.
Suddenly he throws a Joker Card and lands Joker faced up.
Roll into Credits.

hah that sounds tight too.