Deadpool has two speeds: Walk and Kill
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Deadpool has breathed on.
Deadpool was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of not staying dead, which he carried with him until he died, then came back. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Deadpool's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious sword, gun, or shoryuken related injuries.
Bill Brasky must be awknowledged!
Originally posted by Marcus4600hysterical
Deadpool has two speeds: Walk and KillThere are no steroids in baseball. Just players Deadpool has breathed on.
Deadpool was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of not staying dead, which he carried with him until he died, then came back. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Deadpool's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious sword, gun, or shoryuken related injuries.
Originally posted by Swanky-Tuna
Bill Brasky must be awknowledged!
Bill Brasky is a funny individual.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Deadpool.
Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Deadpool doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
Deadpool shot the sheriff, but he shorykened the deputy
Originally posted by Swanky-Tuna
Bill Brasky must be awknowledged!
Ok
"Did you know Deadpool is the godfather of my son? He shows up at the church in his golf pants, caked in mud. Well, ol' Deadpool pushes the priest aside and says, 'I'll baptize that piece of calamari!' Then he pours Scotch all over my baby son and says, 'There! You're baptized!' The boy is blind to this day!"
"Did I ever tell you about the time Deadpool sold me into slavery? He puts me on a ship to Thailand, right? And I'm chained to a pipe. Meanwhile, ol' Deadpool, he's back in the States siring three beautiful children with my wife!"
"You know how Deadpool served three tours in 'Nam? Well, I'm in Corpus Christi on business a month ago, and I had this eight-foot tall Asian waiter which made me a little curious, so I asked him his name, and sure enough it's Ho Tran Deadpool!"
"Deadpool once gave me a videotape of him having sex with my wife, and it was the most beautiful damn thing I ever saw!"
"Deadpool'll eat a homeless person if you dare him."
"One time I asked Deadpool to dress up like Santa for a Christmas party I was throwing for my children. Yeah, that's them, that's them. Well Deadpool shows up as Santa, reaches into his bag and says, 'I've got goodies for you kids.' He proceeds to hand out scrap metal and cigarettes to them. Then he takes off his beard and says 'There is no Santa 'cause I ate him.'"
"I once saw Deadpool scissor kick Angela Lansbury."
"Did I ever tell you about the time I went horseback riding with Deadpool, but there weren't any horses around? Well, Deadpool throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well wouldn't you know it my stamina increases with each day and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Deadpool decides to enter me in the Breeders Cup, right? Under the name Turkish Delight. And I'm running in second place, and I'm running and I break my ankle! They’re about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, 'Don't shoot him — he's a human.'"
"Like an alligator, Deadpool can fully digest a turtle shell."
"You know, Deadpool shoots whiskey into his neck with a syringe."
"Deadpool did all the make-up on the Planet of the Apes movies."
"Deadpool taught me how to love a woman - and how to scold a child."
"Deadpool once breast-fed an injured flamingo back to health."
"Deadpool's poop is considered currency in Argentina!"
"Deadpool's foreskin is used to cover Yankee Stadium when it rains"
"Deadpool showers in grain alcohol!"
"We once had a bachelor party for Deadpool. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it."
"Deadpool breast-feeds John Madden!"
"Deadpool wears a live rattlesnake as a condom!"
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Deadpool pajamas.
Deadpool is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
Deadpool eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
When Deadpool does pushups, he doesn't so much push himself up, as he pushes the earth down.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Deadpool.
Deadpool doesn't sleep; he waits.
Deadpool doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
Deadpool gave the Mona Lisa that smile on her face.
Deadpool is the reason why Waldo is always hiding.