Grade My Essay!

I am currently doing an Essay in my College English Class and wouldn't mind some expert opinions on the subject. Tell me if there's something I could do better 😄

It's a Persuasive essay, by the way:

1941 was a time in America when clouds of war stood ominously over the horizon. Signs of trouble were approaching regardless of the fact that United States hadn’t become involved until December of that year. Adolf Hitler had begun a huge propaganda campaign that created a lowered moral in the American people. It was time for a hero, even if it was to be an imaginary one. Thus began Captain America, the most patriotic hero of all time. Superman may have been around longer, but Captain America is a much better American to look up to.

First seen by the American people (Captain America Comics #1) taking a crack at Hitler in the face. The main basis behind Captain America’s first appearance was to bring the American people’s moral up. It worked, Captain America Comics sold countless (over the million mark monthly) amounts of comics and is still around to this day, over 60 years later. Captain America has a larger effect on the American People because he had a real life enemy to face, whereas Superman was more an escape from reality. Even when Captain America was fighting a masked menace (IE Red Skull, Baron Zemo, Etc.), these were only characters that were exaggerations of the truth.

Many people might say that Superman is considered a better American due to the fact that he’s an alien and therefore does not have to do the American things he is doing. What people fail to realize is that Metropolis (Superman’s protected city) is NOT a real American city. Metropolis’ closest resemblance to a real city in America is New York. This resemblance, however, has been exaggerated to the point where it’s not even CLOSE to a real city. Captain America’s base of operation (Avengers Mansion) was located in Manhattan specifically. This is another way of allowing people to realize that Captain America holds up the ideal American beliefs in a not so ideal American society.

Captain America is also someone you can identify with due to his human side. He is just as influenced as you or I and has to make judgment calls due to those feelings. While superman and his team stay closed away in the JLA Watchtower (Located orbiting earth) Captain America and his team “keep it real” in the thick of American society.

In Summation, Captain America is the True American to look up to. He’s someone that you can identify yourself with much more. Regardless of his super strength, he is still human and is the pinnacle of American obedience. He is NOT an Alien, he was born in America and raised in the same country as you or I.

Originally posted by Rick/Genis
I am currently doing an Essay in my College English Class and wouldn't mind some expert opinions on the subject. Tell me if there's something I could do better 😄

It's a Persuasive essay, by the way:

1941 was a time in America when clouds of war stood ominously over the horizon. Signs of trouble were approaching regardless of the fact that United States hadn’t become involved until December of that year. Adolf Hitler had begun a huge propaganda campaign that created a lowered moral in the American people. It was time for a hero, even if it was to be an imaginary one. Thus began Captain America, the most patriotic hero of all time. Superman may have been around longer, but Captain America is a much better American to look up to.

First seen by the American people (Captain America Comics #1) taking a crack at Hitler in the face. The main basis behind Captain America’s first appearance was to bring the American people’s moral up. It worked, Captain America Comics sold countless (over the million mark monthly) amounts of comics and is still around to this day, over 60 years later. Captain America has a larger effect on the American People because he had a real life enemy to face, whereas Superman was more an escape from reality. Even when Captain America was fighting a masked menace (IE Red Skull, Baron Zemo, Etc.), these were only characters that were exaggerations of the truth.

Many people might say that Superman is considered a better American due to the fact that he’s an alien and therefore does not have to do the American things he is doing. What people fail to realize is that Metropolis (Superman’s protected city) is NOT a real American city. Metropolis’ closest resemblance to a real city in America is New York. This resemblance, however, has been exaggerated to the point where it’s not even CLOSE to a real city. Captain America’s base of operation (Avengers Mansion) was located in Manhattan specifically. This is another way of allowing people to realize that Captain America holds up the ideal American beliefs in a not so ideal American society.

Captain America is also someone you can identify with due to his human side. He is just as influenced as you or I and has to make judgment calls due to those feelings. While superman and his team stay closed away in the JLA Watchtower (Located orbiting earth) Captain America and his team “keep it real” in the thick of American society.

In Summation, Captain America is the True American to look up to. He’s someone that you can identify yourself with much more. Regardless of his super strength, he is still human and is the pinnacle of American obedience. He is NOT an Alien, he was born in America and raised in the same country as you or I.

...hehe....wow. Shades of work coming back to haunt me. Anyway, I'll see if I can help...

I'm hoping this is a summary or draft, because while the ideas are good, the length is woefully lacking, especially for any sort of college course (unless the rrequirements are loose enough that you can have it this short).

Usually in a persuasive essay, it's good to say things like "I intend to prove that Captain America is a model American who is a much better role model than the more well-known Superman" rather than simply stating "Cap is a better American". Also, I'd outline the main points you'll be covering in your intro paragraph....makes it feel like you're following a more coherent structure than if you just jump from point to point. You seem to cover Cap's inception and purpose, his believability, and his humanity....that's a good starting point.

Real life enemy should be rewritten 'real-life'.

Concluding with the fact that he's not an alien is a bit weak also. Try to sum up your points in a sentence or two, and point out again that Cap makes a wonderful role model/American.

...

In all, length and occasional grammar issues aside, you have some valid points and a unique topic. Many persuasive essays seem more complete if you include just a little bit of a counter-argument. Point out Superman's admirable traits as well, as well as why he is another positive symbol, but then reiterate that Cap emulates these same qualities and surpasses them.

*teacher mode off*

Good luck. 🙂

Thanks... that will really help!!

F +

haha Digi and his english major showin offness.....

but really....thats just a draft right????

Originally posted by Blair Wind
haha Digi and his english major showin offness.....

Indeed. I come on KMC to get away from this stuff.

🙄

It's only supposed to be two pages.... FYI

Originally posted by diabloman
F +

Hey diablo man... did you know that your name has the words "blo" and "man"?

Interesting...

Originally posted by Rick/Genis
Hey diablo man... did you know that your name has the words "blo" and "man"?

Interesting...

dee yah blo, man?

well? Do you? 😛

Okay... here's a slight revision:

1941 was a time in America when clouds of war stood ominously over the horizon. Signs of trouble were approaching regardless of the fact that United States hadn’t become involved until December of that year. Adolf Hitler had begun a huge propaganda campaign that created a lowered moral in the American people. It was time for a hero, even if it was to be an imaginary one. Thus began Captain America, the most patriotic hero of all time. I intend to prove that Captain America is a model American who is a much better role model than the more well-known Superman.

First seen by the American people (Captain America Comics #1) taking a crack at Hitler in the face. The main basis behind Captain America’s first appearance was to bring the American people’s moral up. It worked, Captain America Comics sold countless (over the million mark monthly) amounts of comics and is still around to this day, over 60 years later. Captain America has a larger effect on the American People because he had a real-life enemy to face, whereas Superman was more an escape from reality. Even when Captain America was fighting a masked menace (IE Red Skull, Baron Zemo, Etc.), these were only characters that were exaggerations of the truth.
This isn’t to say that Superman is NOT an ideal American. During World War II he also had pro war issues. He upholds a certain degree of American Tradition in that he had grown up on a farm and was brought up with morals created by foster parents who were the basic “Joe Normal” creations of a happy American life. He exudes the idea of coexisting with a peaceful world. And although these are great arguments in favor of Superman as an American, he has not held on to the tradition while faced with overwhelming human odds. People may say Superman is great because he’s an Alien but still continues to act like a human. What people fail to realize is that Metropolis (Superman’s protected city) is NOT a real American city. Metropolis’ closest resemblance to a real city in America is New York. This resemblance, however, has been exaggerated to the point where it’s not even CLOSE to a real city. Captain America’s base of operation (Avengers Mansion) was located in Manhattan specifically. This is another way of allowing people to realize that Captain America holds up the ideal American beliefs in a not so ideal American society.

It’s just as easy to say Captain America is someone you can identify with due TO his human side. He is just as influenced as you or I and has to make judgment calls due to those feelings. While superman and his team stay closed away in the JLA Watchtower (Located orbiting earth) Captain America and his team “keep it real” in the thick of American society always ready for something to happen. Captain America needs no fortress of Solitude to “get away” because America is all he has.

In Summation, Captain America is the True American to look up to. He’s someone that you can identify yourself with much more. Regardless of his super strength, he is still human and is the pinnacle of American obedience. He is someone that children (and adults) have looked up to since he was conceived. This, above all, makes him the Ultimate American Superhero.

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P.S. Are you a teacher, Digimark? If so, I'm sorry I'm bringing your work to you 😉

Originally posted by Rick/Genis
P.S. Are you a teacher, Digimark? If so, I'm sorry I'm bringing your work to you 😉

Not yet. But soon. And I've already taught some as a teacher-aide for a couple of my classes.

But don't worry about it. At least Cap is more interesting than most papers.

...I'll look at the revision sometime soon. But right now I'm too tired.

[QUOTE=6525052]Originally posted by Rick/Genis
Okay... here's a slight revision:

1941 was a time in America when clouds of war stood ominously over the horizon.

Interesting attention grabber.

Signs of trouble were approaching, regardless of the fact that United States hadn’t become involved until December of that year.

You should have a comma there since this is a complex sentence.

Complex Sentence: A complete thought followed by an incomplete thought, or vice versa.

Ex: He was gay, thus the playboy magazines were abandoned.
^ ^
Complete Incomplete thought since there's no real subject
Thought

Adolf Hitler had begun a huge propaganda campaign that created a lowered moral in the American people.

I think you're trying to say "morale," instead of moral.

It was time for a hero, even if it was to be an imaginary one. Thus began Captain America, the most patriotic hero of all time. I intend to prove that Captain America is a model American who is a much better role model than the more well-known Superman.

Overall good thesis.

First seen by the American people (Captain America Comics #1) taking a crack at Hitler in the face.

This is an incomplete sentence because there's no subject. Maybe you should put something like: "He was first seen by the America people (Captain America Comics #1) taking a crack at Hitler in the face."

The main basis behind Captain America’s first appearance was to bring the American people’s moral up.

Use morale instead of moral.

It worked, Captain America Comics sold countless (over the million mark monthly) amounts of comics and is still around to this day, over 60 years later.

Good stuff.

Captain America has a larger effect on the American People because he had a real-life enemy to face, whereas Superman was more an escape from reality. Even when Captain America was fighting a masked menace (IE Red Skull, Baron Zemo, Etc.), these were only characters that were exaggerations of the truth.

I think you should elaborate a little on "exaggerations of the truth."

This isn’t to say that Superman is NOT an ideal American. During World War II, he also had pro war issues.

Pay attention to the commas, buddy.

He upholds a certain degree of American Tradition in that he had grown up on a farm and was brought up with morals created by foster parents, who were the basic “Joe Normal” creations of a happy, (you need comma to seperate the two adjectives) American life.

Had grown up sounds kinda awkward. I think "grew" would sound better. It would be like, "American Tradition in that he grew up on a farm."

I'll do more tomorrow, gotta sleep. Cya.

Thanks a BUNCH! This will really help!!! I wish I could send ALL my papers to you guys 😛

Are your teachers really gonna let you write a paper about Cap? Your teachers rock! My teachers make me write about Edgar Allen Poe and John Steinbeck... I wanna write about Cap! What school do you go to? I demand to know!

Please?😄

I go to the Art Institute of Seattle! 😄

Woah... Digi and MrHeavySilence are friggin' geniuses! I was considering English or history teaching... now I'm not so sure!!!!

Hahaha No kidding!!!!

LOL... hey, you joined the JLA!? I thought you were above teams, man!

Oh... I did... but I'm not anymore.. guess I should change that 🙄

LOL!