I would appreciate any suggestions please...
Here's a brief profile I typed for this stupid thing my band is doing, we have to post bios of ourselves, and I'de like some suggestions on how I can **** it up, or stretch it from the truth to make it sound funnier. Help me out please.
Here's what I have so far:
Strife; Death Sonnet Vagrant Goat!!!
Bio: I was built late 1906 by an organism dubbed "mommy", but I wasn't ready yet, so I was thrown into a goat's womb where I learned to rid, and right. From there, I met a Jew, who then taught me everything there is to know about the guitar. I killed him, then stole his Library Card, for I wish to rid of all the adventures of the giant hell-hound known as "Clifford"! Soon after, my habits began to take shape as a figure cloaked in black showed me the ways of life. I also killed him, and became the new Baphomet....mmmmm, hotpants.....(drools) eh?! Arghu, I soon came to, and realized, my weapon was not in my hands, I searched 666 days for it, until some guy named Larry sold it to me, it was a custom Epiphone/Gibson Explorer, named, Strifer-Zero. It's sister, the Chupacabra would soon emerge from the womb, but until then, I'll enjoy mowing down the countless emo ****s who don't let me shave. They shall learn quickly enough how cruel and unfair life really is, hehehehe....