Unholy Pilgrimage of Xirius and Scythe...

Thunder claps as the soaking wooden door comes to a close. Rainfall slides off the adobe roof as a wood-paneled stationwagon drives near. Justice was not served after I quacked those words of purity.

"Xirius, did you remember to go to the bathroom? I don't want to have to stop at every damn Carl's Jr. in this poverty stricken kingdom."

A defiled look as maggots escaped from the wretched mouth of a nearby carcass, and still I drive off in dissapointment, that a tri-day from now, Xirius will order me to stop for tinkle...

ermm

Originally posted by Scythe
Thunder claps as the soaking wooden door comes to a close. Rainfall slides off the adobe roof as a wood-paneled stationwagon drives near. Justice was not served after I quacked those words of purity.

"Xirius, did you remember to go to the bathroom? I don't want to have to stop at every damn Carl's Jr. in this poverty stricken kingdom."

A defiled look as maggots escaped from the wretched mouth of a nearby carcass, and still I drive off in dissapointment, that a tri-day from now, Xirius will order me to stop for tinkle...

Say what?

A fourth-night's into the long horrific drive through shotgun-toting mormon country gave way to a flat rubber donut. Upon further inspection, the cause of our vehicle's mutiliation was none other then a ten-gallon hat which read:

"Da~Rev ponders your ghey"

I wee shrill of my voice led me to continously piss and shid myself several dozen times. Not all exactly in that order. Xirius, however, preoccupied with a paddle ball decided we could make great use of this hat, by purging our inner bowels when the curse known as "Car-Sickness" would snare us.

Da Rev's hat just got pwnd. ermm

Nightfall came, and a lone toll-booth stood in our way. Cylinder metallic housing of an ominous giant shelled inside, our stool was downloaded faster then Richard Simmons undressing a Care Bear. Panic ensued as the mighty, surprisingly jelly-filled, towering menace made his way to the driver's side window. A closer look, and we realized it was Capt. REX. Sneering down at us, he bellowed words I can only describe as, "Aloha". Hand full of coins, they dropped on the street resembling jitter-bugs. Waving us to proceed, he let out a bellow which blew up the back of our vehicle.

"You forgot your complimentary b*tch-slap!"

A massive iron hand side-swiped us exactly three days back.

Thunder claps as the soaking wooden door comes to a close. Rainfall slides off the adobe roof as a wood-paneled stationwagon drives near. Justice was not served after I quacked those words of purity.

"Xirius, did you remember to go to the bathroom? I don't want to have to stop at every damn Carl's Jr. in this poverty stricken kingdom."

A defiled look as maggots escaped from the wretched mouth of a nearby carcass, and still I drive off in dissapointment, that a tri-day from now, Xirius will order me to stop for tinkle...

oh my god. this is so ****ing awsome. i had a horrible day. This makes it all better. lollolololololololololo hahahahahahaha

..........I agree?

was that a question or an answer.

both.........?

hahahahahahahahahaha

Originally posted by Scythe
Thunder claps as the soaking wooden door comes to a close. Rainfall slides off the adobe roof as a wood-paneled stationwagon drives near. Justice was not served after I quacked those words of purity.

"Xirius, did you remember to go to the bathroom? I don't want to have to stop at every damn Carl's Jr. in this poverty stricken kingdom."

A defiled look as maggots escaped from the wretched mouth of a nearby carcass, and still I drive off in dissapointment, that a tri-day from now, Xirius will order me to stop for tinkle...

I hear they make pills for this now. ermm

I think he may already take them hahaha
jk scythe

A fourth night occurs, and our vehicle once more nears the metallic cylinder of the toll-booth. The booth keeper dwelling inside, possibly listening to Celine Dion to further his sexual, carnivorous prowess. Within the back of my skull, a beacon of hope stirred with relentless energy.

"Times have changed, and we have been here." Proclaimed Scythe.

"Hwar?" Replied Xirius

"I don't think you understand the seriousness of the situation." Explained Scythe. "One of us might actually die here tonight for a measly, pathetic, easily-replacable, buck-tooth carrying twenty cents!" Answered Scythe.

"Well, as long as it's you, can I have your girlfriend?" Asked Xirius.

"Xirius! Please!" Shouted Scythe. "As if I have a girlfriend! Geez, sometimes....it's like, you think you know a man, then he flips out all umbrella on your motherf*cking ass." B*tched and moaned Scythe.

Regardless, Scythe had a plan, a very neglected of pure creativity plan, but still one for the history scripts. Revving up an engine with a punch of gas and already our heroes are plowing foward at 120 mph, which is indeed impossible since stationwagons have never been recorded going faster then the speed of ghey.

"Alright! We ram the wooden panel with the yellow and black stripes going side to side!" Screamed Scythe at the three feet in distance Xirius.

"Oh, the one with the cute little yellow stripes, and it's called diagonal Scythe, if your going to explain something do it right, don't just Momma Mia things, you'll get nowhere in life like that." Recited Xirius.

"Cute....?" Asked Scythe.

Bracing for impact, at the last actio-packed moment, a bright light blinds both heroes as they scream. With one last effort, Scythe is heard screaming at Xirius not to close his eyes...

you know none of this makes any sence. Where is this unholy pilgrimage of yours going to lead??

Collision due in seconds, Xirius managed to yelp out utter words of future death.

"Ahhhhhhh, oh look it's Natashia! Hai Natashia!" Yelled Xirius on impact.

A vague figure representing Natashia zoomed past us when we struck the booth. The sound of scrap metal being skewed by Rosanne's death donating jaws is heard as our stationwagon became two. Impossibly keeping myself balanced on two wheels, I looked back to see Xirius planted on the booth like a Girl Scout's acorn eating badge on a finely tailored vest. One more glance gave off the impression of Capt. REX scooping up Xirius' remains with a toothbrush, and vigorously he began to brush his molars with what I detect was his spleen. Such a hideous sight to behold.

hey wait- where do i fit into all of this??

Originally posted by natashia
I think he may already take them hahaha
jk scythe

God knows I do. shock

me 2

Bloody steel beams resemble Iowa as my half-cut stationwagon clears a bridge. From the distance, a figure cloaked in candy cane colors approached me. Coming to a complete stop, 90 degrees never hurt so bad. A loud thud, and I was staring at the pavement with tired eyes. Escaping from the wreckage, it looked much like a stationwagon seeped into the ground. The candy cane cloaked figure made his way toward me, each footstep, sooty and gheyer then the last.

"I, am the mayor of Candy Land! But you can call me Iztak!" Boomed the Mayor.

"Tell me where your keeping my family!!" Scythe screamed.

"Nuu, I have no relatives of yous, however, you can mostly find them in our candy casinos! Why your uncle was arrested the other night for taking a bite out of a gummi stripper!" Explained the Mayor.

"Yeah, that sounds like my uncle, shut up, I need a vehicle to continue my unholy pilgrimage!" Replied Scythe.

Making a slightly strange gesture with his hands, I wasn't sure if he either told me to follow him, or suck out the venom due to a snake bite on a man's penis. However he made it plain that I was to follow him down lollipop lane. Instantly, I racked up a major criminal history, for by the time we arrived to city hall, I had digested seven gummi kittens, nine taffy puppies, a young african-american boy, and somewhere along the way, I think I might've licked an underaged lolita. Iztak had me thrown in chocalate jail, where I dwelled for a week. Then it hit me, that everything was made of chocalate. Just before chewing my way to freedom, a few inmates came by for their weekly blow jobs. As much as I thought about a solid cylinder composed of chocalate and whipped cream filling in the shaft, I puked for fifteen minutes straight, then pissed myself, and then chewed my way out. Looking around, I noticed Mayor Iztak's vehicle parked in front of city hall. Many failed attempts at hot-wiring it, I finally managed to get it up and running, but still, I have to question Mayor Iztak's choice in a vehicle for it blurted out: "I'm ghey!" and "Wear your short-shorts! It's gunna beh muy caliente tommorrow!" Every ten miles. However, that was the least of my worries, my unholy pilgrimage was almost at it's peak.