The fifth moon watches over me with quiet ease as my ghey-mobile studders itself to death.
"Something must be wrong with the engine." proclaimed Scythe.
Rolling himself up to the hood, it popped upon with a comical "boing" as Scythe realized there was no engine, just four monkeys wearing Richard Simmons-esqe afros anf pink ballarina tutus.
"Okay, this is getting wierd." Shouted Scythe as a bus pulled up beside him.
The notches on Scythe's belt give off a vibe of loneliness as his belt snares open like God's godly hand donating a heavenly b*tch slap to Adolf Hitler's ass cheek. Scythe lets out a sigh begging for morbid obesity to strike me down with a heart attack.
"I'm stuffed" Proclaimed Scythe wiping his greasy fingers on a young ladies dress. "Hey! Use your napkin!"
Rolling himself out one pathetic sigh at a time, Scythe realized he hadn't payed the bill yet. Seems his master plan to stop at an all you can eat emo f*ck/poser buffet hadn't been thought of financial wise.
"Well I could use one of Xirius' credit cards, but he maxed them out buying pr0n.... Damn it!" Uttered Scythe. "Aha! I've got it!"
Listening for the footsteps of the waiter or the owner of the establishment because Scythe's neck had increased in size thrice fold, the mild soft footsteps of a waiter coming in Scythe's direction was heard. This was the que Scythe needed.
"I can't believed you slept with someone else!" Yelled Scythe at himself.
"Maybe if you payed more attention to me I wouldn't have!" Explained Scythe to himself once more.
Picking up a vase with flowers, Scythe began to fling cheesy bread sticks and vases at what he proclaimed to himself. Striking a young child in his high chair with a vase, and an elderly man with cheesy sticks, which conviniently stuck to the side of his mouth making him look surprisingly like a saber-toothed tiger, only older, and not as cool as a saber-toothed tiger. The Waiter apprehended Scythe, and explained to Scythe that, it's going to be okay, he then went on to confort Scythe by telling him;
"You can totally do better then that sleazed bag, your a beautiful woman!"
Once outside, Scythe turned on the ghey-mobile, and drove off screaming buh bai at the top of his lungs until he spat one out.
Utter garbage I've written...
Reaching the outer rim of the great Zanny city, Scythe realized he was low on fuel. Exiting the ghey mobile, he pushes himself out toward a gas station. Upon coming up to the cashier Scythe was assaulted by Kit from Knight Rider, the Dune buggy from that horrible crap-tastic wannabe Scooby-Doo rip off cartoon and the entire cast of the movie Cars including the car from Back to the a Future.
"Hey buddy, got a doller?" Asked Kit.
"Yeah man, need some gas money man, just let me have enough to buy a taco." begged Lightning McQueen.
"Your a car, you don't need tacos..." explained Scythe.
".....a gas taco?" Answered Lightning.
"More like ASS-taco." Interrupted Kit.
"Okay! This is getting weird..." Proclaimed Scythe.
Taking out his wallet from his back pocket, Scythe slowly takes out two hundred dollars. Handing them over to the cashier, Scythe went on to explain that he wanted the middle eastern discount, which was a ten percent discount for screaming a Taliban death creed.
"ALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA!" LA-LAed Scythe.
"Oh, thank you very much my homey." Said the cashier.
"Hehehe, ah the racism is making me poop out penguins." Sighed Scythe as a massive 22lb Emperor penguin exits his ass.
Opening the hood of the ghey mobile was no easy task, it needed a stained underwear sample, and five Madonna-esque freak poses to open the hood. Surprisingly, the trunk was voice activated to open when the words, "READY SAILOR!" were uttered.
The ghey overweight monkeys inside the engine all conveniently stuck there massively cheeky asses in the air.
"So, I stick the nozzle in your monkey asses? Why does this remind me of someone?" Joked Scythe.
Sticking the nozzle into all dozen monkies as the Ass-Penguin watched made Scythe feel abit strange, which also led him to drive off at 75mph while giving Kit the bird.
"So....my name's Betty, let's go get drunk and screw some hot tuxedo b*tches!" Said The emperor penguin.
"Your a male penguin named Betty?" Asked Scythe.
"Ya foo'." Answered Betty.
"And your street!? Okay, this is getting weird!" Yelled Scythe.
"You've said that so many times, it's lost all meaning." announced Betty.
The neon lights generated heat inside the already stuffy strip joint. Scythe sat next to Betty wondering how the hell he's going to manage to get rid of this penguin.
"Look at that? Ain't it beautiful? Check out her fish-net stalkings!" Said Betty.
"Stalkings? They look like hair scrunchies! Penguin strippers can't wear stalkings." Explained Scythe.
"Yeah, cuz they're just waitin' to take em off for youse!" Replied Betty with excitement.
"No, it's because penguins don't have legs..." Said Scythe.
Reaching out with his pathetic excuse of a wing, Betty snatched a toy gun from a cowboy themed stipper's holster.
"Alright! Make one move and I'll shoot yo ass! Yes, I'm street again!" Yelled Betty as he pointed the toy gun with an oversized cork tied to to the gun with a weak piece of string.
"Whaddya gunna do? Pop my ear drums?" said Scythe jokingly.
: : POP : :
A loud popping noise is heard as the oversized cork plows into Scythe's eyeball, spreading VD, crabs, and a rare case of eye herpes throughout his head. Planting him on the ground swiftly.
"Oh crap...." Sighed Betty. "I gotta get rid of him."
Failing numerous times to grab ahold of Scythe's arm to carry him out, Betty cursed his nubile disease infested wings, then substituted his beak to carry Scythe over to the bar.
Entering the vacinity of the bar, Betty props Scythe next to him, and hails the bartender.
"Ello, My name's Xavius, I'll be your happy go-lucky bartender, my first rule is simple, shut the hell up!" Said Xavius with a smile.
"Yeah, just get me loaded, and a small chocolate milk for my passed out friend here." Replied Betty.
Peering over the counter to take a good look at Scythe, Xavius turns toward Betty to assure him that goats don't drink chocolate.
"So, you want him?" Asked Betty.
"Oh hell no." Answered Xavius. "I have enough fun throwing darts at my limited edition Scythe dartboard. It came with a free mini dartboard with a picture of his crotch!" Said Xavius with glee.
Betty began to contemplate ideas as to how he'll dispose of Scythe's internally retarded body. His thoughts however where inturrupted by a cowboy boot totin' Rev walking by.
"Hey you!" Hollered Betty.
"Yessum?" Answered Da~Rev.
"Now you look like you're a man of few goats, so let me interest you on this one of a kind freak!" Announced Betty.
"Oh my stars! A Scythe keychain! I've been searchin' for one of those for years! Not to mention the fact that I'm already on an unholy pilgrimage to locate my lost ten-gallon hat that calls people ghey. Witnesses say two freaks might have stolen it, and are vomiting in it as we speak." Said Rev.
"Well todays your lucky day, here's one for you! No refunds, or takey-backseys!" Said Betty.
Xavius leaned over and whispered in Rev's ear:
"That keychain is death-prone...."
"All things are death-prone to you, your a bartender, I feel like killing you right now for not giving me free booze." Explained Rev.
Rolling his hands up and down Scythe's back to gather enough fat around the back of Scythe's neck, Rev formed a make-shift muzzle which he impaled a giant keyring to carry Scythe. Connecting him to his WWJD keychain, he then went on to connect those to his "Gay pride is for those that have never met Richard Simmons" keychain, which he then connected to his, "my other car is your mom" keychain.
"Finally, my collection is complete!" Announced Rev. "Only the rarest, most hardest to find keychains grace my belt!"
"What the hells is wrong with you, those WWJD keychains are found everywhere, what makes yours so great?" Asked Betty in an outstanding display of doosh.
"This one belonged to JC himself!" Said Rev.
"Jesus Christ?" Asked Betty.
"No, JC Chavez, who the hell's Jesus? I don't live in Mexico." Explained Rev.
"What....?" Questioned Betty with an awkward look on his face.
Walking out the door, Rev dissapeared throuth the double doors.
"Well, that was that, want to make love?" Asked Betty.
"No, and he's coming back." Said Xavius.
Rev marched up to Betty's presence and yanked Scythe off his keyring.
"..........oo....uch......" Spat Scythe with a bloody mouth.
"What happened?" Asked Betty.
"I was on my way through the double doors when I got all stuck, as if something was not allowing me to enter doorways because I can't fit or something, I blame this god-forsaken keychain, it's cursed!" Declared Rev.
Pressing a button on his belt buckle, A make-shift jetpack sprung to life, and guides Rev straight through the roof where Vinny Valentine is seen taking a crap on the roof.
"It's busy!!" Yelled Vinny.
"What just happened?" Asked Betty.
"You asked if I made sweet, sweet love to you, a psychopath returned your deceased corpse of a keychain back to you, and flew straight through the damn roof punching a hole in it, and ofcourse, exposing Vinny's toilet wearing ass in the process. Now buy something, or start your sexual favors!" Thundered Xavius.
"No, I'll just leave, I'll find someone to take this goat." Said Betty as he exited the bar.