The Sivience of the Ancient Monarchs

Dear Itzak in Training,

Heaven has suburbs? And it smells like shit? Are you in the Hindu heaven? Because India smells like shit. Maybe they saw you, and forwarded you to the brown peoples heaven, which ain't the same as white people heaven.

The wife none faced.

Man, he just can't get over that day. I said it was fine, and I'm doing great, but he still won't get over it. I thought I saw some poon tang in the sky earlier? Did they have to get contractors from hell for those pearly gates, because I've seen pictures of them, and I don't like the gargoyles.

Regards,
Thorrin

Dear B.Bear:

I'm sorry I took so long to reply and therefore caused death and mayhem in my absence but I fell asleep. I have now taken a pledge never to fall asleep again after this sudden and slightly amusing tragedy.

Regards,
mist_haermm, mist, miŠt, ~sir mist~, outbound, hazardous, etc

Alanis Morriset is in my head. 😐

Dear Pootie Tang Master,

I believe you might be right! Numbersign weep numbersign.. It's like a UPS meeting up here.. help me! I need to break out of Hindu Heaven.. like Prison Break but better.

He hit me in the face for mentioning what you just said and now I'm not haermming anymore.

GET ME OUT OF HERE. AND 2D GIRL TOO.

Hate,
Michael

PS Enclosed is a letter for Misty, could you forward it to him for me? They only let me send one letter an hour haermm

Dear Misty,

Please don't send me a letter until I send you one back please.

Thanks,
Michael

Dear Barkdonald's CEO:

In order for me to get into heaven and break you out, I need to die first. Sorry but I can't make that happen right now, because I'm having the sex, as the kids call it, with my wife. And it feels so hot and wet, and tight.

But don't fret, I'll be sending my henchmen, Kram3r, and Mist. I would have sent Blaxican, but they have some sort of Black guy detection up there. And Scythe, well I would have sent him, but he is a demon goat, and he has a one way ticket downstairs.

Regards,
Thoriiiiin

P.S. I Love You....rented the dvd last night, it sucked.

P.S.S. Mist says he isn't going without Baka, and Baka refuses to go get you out.

Dear T.w.a.t:

I thought we were friends.

I'm locked up in a cellar below ground. You'll need to recreate Oceans 11 exactly to get me out.

Aight,

B. W. Oofer.

PS. Duh

PSS. Tell Mist I'm living in the future so the present is my past

Dear Pedo Bear:

We are, we are. heart.gif

Umm I'm going to need like 4 months of planning to get you out, and like billions of dollars. Because Heaven is like Helms Deep, and I'm sure there won't be any orcs helping me. And I'm sure bombs don't work up there.

Love,
Armando

P.S. #winning

P.S.S. Mist was befuddled by what you said, and had a brain aneurism, and died. He went to hell.

Dear General:

I forgot what you're talking about.

Well you better rob a casino down there to finance this. Hurry, I can't stand the smell of piss when I try to have maritals with 2D Girl. And what were you smoking out of when you thought Heaven is like Lord of the Rings?

Love,

Michael

PS: THIS IS NOT ****ING TWITTER

PSS: Mist is living in the hell so the present is his hell, the hell is hell hell hell

Dear Barker Bear:

Me too.

I've got like five heists in the works, so I'll be up there soon. Just hold your breath, if you still have breath left. And be careful with the marital in the piss soaked cell, because you can catch like, bird flu or something.

I don't know where Lord of the Rings came from, I swear I wasn't high.

Sincerely Yours,

Thorin

PS: DON'T ****ING YELL AT ME, OR I'LL LEAVE YOUR HALFBREED ASS THERE

PSS: Umm, wut?

Shouldn't this be about a Harry Potter fan-fiction? kinda

It is, these are private letters between Harry and Sirius.

Originally posted by Thoren
Dear Barker Bear:

Me too.

I've got like five heists in the works, so I'll be up there soon. Just hold your breath, if you still have breath left. And be careful with the marital in the piss soaked cell, because you can catch like, bird flu or something.

I don't know where Lord of the Rings came from, I swear I wasn't high.

Sincerely Yours,

Thorin

PS: DON'T ****ING YELL AT ME, OR I'LL LEAVE YOUR HALFBREED ASS THERE

PSS: Umm, wut?

Ok.

I'm starting to get sick and 2D has developed a whooping cough. Heaven is against modern medicine so we might die a second time and I don't know if there is a heaven for heaven or not or if we'll end up in Hell 2 or just Hell 1.

No, you were high as a kite.

**** you,
Michael

PS. I SAID **** YOU

PSS:

PSSS: I am dying

Originally posted by parenthesis
Shouldn't this be about a Harry Potter fan-fiction? kinda

Dear Cheif Running Queer:

Turns out you're not dead. But you are in the Matrix, so I'm currently trying to aquire the technology to plug myself in, and rescue you. Oh and 2d girl is a computer program, watch out for her. The real 2d girl is out here and isn't waiting on you.

No I am not high.

With Regret,
Pancho Thoren

Ps **** you too

Pss ?

Psss we're all dying, don't make a case out of it.

Dear Webmaster of haermm.com,

Are you sure? This all seems very real. Perhaps it's a dream within a dream within the matrix within heaven brought about in a day dream in art class while day dreaming about hot urine sex with an unidentified classmate of mine.

Yes I am high.

I don't know if you can respond to anything I said since I did not ask a question,
Forever Alone Woofer

PS STOP

PSS: DOING

PSSS: You make me sad weep

Originally posted by Barker

So about you drowning in barely legal british grade-a pussy.. ermmnone

Just got high back there. kinda

Originally posted by parenthesis
I'm on that!

Just got high back there. kinda

you should request a name change to xyz_haermm

Originally posted by Barker
What

you should request a name change to xyz_haermm

Originally posted by Barker
Dear Webmaster of haermm.com,

Are you sure? This all seems very real. Perhaps it's a dream within a dream within the matrix within heaven brought about in a day dream in art class while day dreaming about hot urine sex with an unidentified classmate of mine.

Yes I am high.

I don't know if you can respond to anything I said since I did not ask a question,
Forever Alone Woofer

PS STOP

PSS: DOING

PSSS: You make me sad weep

What's your sig of?

The vampire diaries.