Originally posted by newjak86
OK guys I was wondering if I could get some Feedback via PM from the Judges.
Just want to know what everyone thought and where they think I need to improve.
Did I already PM you, jak? I can't remember 🥷
Anyway, here's my Top 5 -
1. Two Men and a Baby Diaper by Feanor.This came a close first alongside Flashy Storytelling by Dusty.
I think what clinched it, for me, was the humour. I really appreciate Fea's style, it's always excellently structured and his use of extensive vocabulary is impressive. Also, the detailed description of surroundings makes for a good read and when writing a short story I can imagine it's difficult to combine detail with dialogue without pushing the boundaries.
2. Flashy Storytelling by Dusty.
This was really, really good but the ending could have been better in that there were a few too many questions left unanswered for me. It definitely kept me hooked though and well deserves a place in the top 5.
3. Untitled by PunkyHermy.
Although this was just an excerpt it was expertly executed and very well written. Another case where excellent vocabulary was utilised, grammar and punctuation (which is a big thing for me) was near perfect as well. I do feel, however, that she could have doubled the length and this detracts from the overall quality.
4. The First Ones by Thorinn.
I really liked this and, again, it was well executed. But I do feel that he perhaps didn't proof read as well as he could have done and this let the side down. It was interesting, though, and original. Quite enjoyable.
5. Thermopylae by SpikeSpiegel and I Pray, Never Forget by Diamonds.
This was difficult but I had to choose these two for fifth place.
Thermopylae was excellently produced, the storyline was compacted well and the emotive description was used effectively. It painted a detailed picture of the times and events and I was also impressed by the amount of knowledge he obviously possesses about this genre.
I Pray, Never Forget was good in its simplicity. Compared to a lot of fanfics I've come across, this story stuck to the original storyline and in doing so, was more believable and comfortable. I also appreciated the way the verses were interjected between the paragraphs to give something a little different to the overall effect.
Originally posted by Captain REX
===Now, announcement!
Seeing as it took FOREVER for us five judges to make up our minds, I will make the contests bimonthly. The next contest will begin October 1st, 2006. As a hint at the next topic, think bullet time.
===
Now, discussion! This thread will remain stickied until October, for the purpose of everyone commenting on the stories and so on, but first and foremost to congratulate the winners!
See you in October.
Originally posted by SpikeSpiegel
Although.....bullet time -maybe I could find a way around itCreative Writing -> short story competition -> Creative Writing.....I think I might be able to work something out 😛
And also
😛
You know my short story that Rex used as a length example for this? I wrote that for my creative writing class I took two and a half years ago in high school 😂
And...people don't know what bullet time is?
Look at mine, Rex's, and Aliies's sigs for a clue 😛
😛 at Spike for quoting the 'Annual' comment. 😛
Another idea about these story contests is to get people to attempt writing something, even if they have no real knowledge of the area or have never written on the subject before.
The general idea is the Matrix, yes. 🥷
Bullet Time usually entails the person 'performing' said act doing something insane that normally is not possible, such as dodging bullets, leaping from building to building, etc. Be creative with it. 😉
You don't have to write it about the Matrix, either. It could be something totally unrelated and just set in the Matrix, if you wanted.
I'm always here for insight on such subjects.
I think I have a notion of what the one after will be as well; that one will start in December.