Originally posted by dr. pookie
nowadays, steven seagal is too bloated from eating to many bonbons. he'd have a heart attack before he'd be able to lift is leg in order to kick someone. oh, did i forget to mention he's pregnant?
He doesn't need complete mobility, the main idea is to just position himself in a single obese stance, and wait for Norris to take charge with his cobra-king-kick-of-complete-ghey to twist his arm off with his awesome Aikido.
Originally posted by Inspectah Deck
how about bruce lee?
Bruce Lee isn't even in this compitition. However if your looking for an opinion, or a set scenario example from me, let's see.
Bruce Lee, upon entering the same room where Seagal and Norris are locked in eternal combat, would automatically begin to brush his teeth, and contemplate suicide, because clearly, after witnessing Seagal's blubber flying about, and Norris' fight moves accompanied by excercise machine sales-pitches, will be enough to drive any man insane.
However, he will soon realize that he must murder not only Norris or Seagal, but Uma Therman, and Rosanne as well, and he would use the most deadliest weapon of all, Economics!
This is how:
He will expose the fact that Norris' excercise machines are being built by children kidnapped from Nike sweat shops.
He will alert Seagal that Norris is indeed employing Seagal's children in his sweat shop, and not paying them enough to afford the half dozen box of twinkies Seagal so joyfully enjoys. Sending Seagal into a crazed tantrum, he will seek the aid of Rosanne by telling her that they have indeed raised the price of the half dozen twinkie box by 37 cents thanks to Lee, and together they will run into Norris head on, causing an explosion of ghey.
As for Uma, Lee will in fact be furious over the bastardization that has become of his yellow jumpsuit. He will in response, hire a b-movie plastic surgeon to "work" on Uma's face when the time comes, however dissing the plastic surgeon with three dollars short of his asking price, the plastic surgeon will "accidentally" re-work Uma to look like Tom Arnold, in which case, whatever part of Rosanne's body that survived the explosion with scurry across the land, and devour the Tom Arnold looking Uma.
Re: Steven Seagal Vs. Chuck Norris; Let's Get Crazy!
Originally posted by Scythe
I grow weary of the whole Chuck Norris shit, Steven might possibly be the king of all puns.I would gladly call the man who threw a man out of a moving train while saying "looks like this is your stop" god!
The very same man that slammed a computer moniter into a ninja's face while screaming the words: "Hey, looks like you've got mail!"
Seagal owns Norris.
I wish they would just get along. Peace.
Originally posted by Scythe
He doesn't need complete mobility, the main idea is to just position himself in a single obese stance, and wait for Norris to take charge with his cobra-king-kick-of-complete-ghey to twist his arm off with his awesome Aikido.
i agree that steven is gifted in the art of breaking a persons arm, but keep in mind that chuck norris was trained by bruce lee