I was speechless
One evening a little more than a week or so ago, I was taking out a tub of recycling, some bottles, some cartons, some jugs. As I was coming out of my duplex, out of the corner of my eye I saw a guy watching me, and standing in a really odd way.
So he says to me, “Make sure you separate the Heinekins from the Amstel Lights…. They get pretty pissed down at the recycling plant if you don’t.” I politely chuckled out of consideration even if the joke did truly suck.
So he turns his body around and heads off as if he had something up his ass. So I got into my white car to make sure he didn’t see where I lived.
So then, a few days ago, as I’m checking my mail outside, he strolls up behind me and practically scares the crap out of me when he says, “Excuse me…” He attempted to make conversation with me as I slowly inched towards my car. I gave him my friend Kasey’s name. Eventually he make way to asking me to the shitiest place in town for lunch the next day.
How to get out of this I thought. And then it hit me, lie. I was celebrating my birthday this weekend with my friends and simply changed the date of the celebration to the following day. He was persistent, asking about the possibility for dinner then. I used the family as an excuse. Then I figured may as well bluff again with the friends.
I could see his face plummet, he reached behind me for something, I held my purse tighter. He grabbed a JC Penny catalogue lying on top of the mailboxes. I grew a little afraid and inched a little faster.
However, his sharp wit displayed itself again with, “So it sounds like ‘Take Kasey Out For Her Birthday Weekend,’ I guess,” his smile reminded me of the Santa Monica rapist’s on TV. I replied with, “Yeah….it’s like EVERYBODY’S trying to celebrate my birthday this weekend.”
He looked at me while fondling the catalogue, I couldn’t keep the disgust off my face. His response, “And you know why that is, Kasey?” “Why?” I asked. He smiled that rapist smile I had gotten so fond of, turned around, took a couple of steps, turned his head back, squinted his eyes, and said to me, “Because you’re just so ****ing special.”
Having been looking for a possible escape route I was rendered momentarily speechless as he shuffled away down the walk. I didn’t even have the chance to tell him he had a hole in the back of his pants the size of a fist.
Good thing he left before I whipped out the pepper spray.