Coming Out to Your Family or Loved Ones

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This Thread is dedicated to anyone, Gay, Bisexual, or Straight, of any Faith or Religion who has felt the need to keep a secret from their loved ones, for whatever reason...

Beleive it or not, I have not told my parents that I am bisexual...even though I pretty much remind you guys all the time with my other threads....

Now you guys may wondor.....as obnoxious or straight forward as I can be on KMC, and as straight forward and honest that I am with my freinds...why would I not have told my parents long ago, of all people ?

Well, my parents aren't exactly yay-gay Homo-Freindly people...they are entirely Heterosexist, almost on the verge of being pure Homophobic.....

My mom isn't a hateful person over all, but she can be quite judgemental. I always hear here saying things like "Why is he so gay" or "What a fkn homo" when she talks about guys she doesn't like or guys who seem to feminine to her.

I live with my mom and step father, who thnks the same way.

My biological father, however is a whole other story....he is ENTIRELY Homophobic....he works for the Delta Force, he used to be in the Marines as a Drill Sargent.... he can be quite male chovenist, and he's definately not a Gay-Freindly person, in fact, he can't STAND Gay people.....

I am very close with my family, do not get me wrong, but I never felt a ready oppurtunity to be open with them about this....

I don't want them to treat me differently. Even though I don't truly care what they think of me, I do not want thier perceptions of me to change...I don't want them to think they have a "new son" or "new brother"

It's still me.....

But since I am the Oldest Sibling, I have always been held as the "role model" for my younger brothers and sister. Anything I have ever done that my parents did not consider right, I have been penalized for.

JUST IMAGINE if they knew that I like men more than women, just imagine if they knew how promiscious I had been for the past 4 years.....I can't even think how thier perceptions of me would change, and how they may affect my family life...

My ex boyfreind actually DUMPED ME, because of the lack of freedom he had in my house...how he couldn't kiss me in front of my brothers or mom, how he couldn't say "I love you", etc.

It was heartbreaking, and totally...i dont know....just unfair.

I always told myself before, that it wouldn't matter if I told my parents or not. I always told myself that what I did was NONE of thier business, and I didn't have to say anything to them...

But when you have a relationship.....you have to tell them.....you can't keep in a secret like that. Everything will go wrong....

I think deep down inside, they somehow know....I've had "sleepovers" with other guy freinds, always making an excuse of how my car was outta gas, or how it was too late to come back home....

But the fact that I appear straight, the fact that I act pretty masculine, and the fact that they know I have dated girls, and have a huge crush on celebs like Beyonce, Carmen Electra, etc. still convince them that I'm probably straight.....

I'm not sure how to come out, but I KNOW I have too

Your father is Chuck Norris? Sweet...

Edit: I just realized I derailed your thread in the 2nd post of it's life... sorry. To remain on topic, go up to your parents and step-parent and just say "Mom, dads... I like both oysters and snails." © Spartacus

Ha! I love The Delta Force. (the first one)

nothing beats 'missing in action'

:edit: this thread would be better if it was
"Coming on Your Family or Loved Ones"

hehehe

The worst part is probably the time before telling it.

And if they don't want to know you anymore after you tell them you are gay then really you aren't losing much

Originally posted by Lord Urizen
************************************************************

[b]This Thread is dedicated to anyone, Gay, Bisexual, or Straight, of any Faith or Religion who has felt the need to keep a secret from their loved ones, for whatever reason...

Beleive it or not, I have not told my parents that I am bisexual...even though I pretty much remind you guys all the time with my other threads....

Now you guys may wondor.....as obnoxious or straight forward as I can be on KMC, and as straight forward and honest that I am with my freinds...why would I not have told my parents long ago, of all people ?

Well, my parents aren't exactly yay-gay Homo-Freindly people...they are entirely Heterosexist, almost on the verge of being pure Homophobic.....

My mom isn't a hateful person over all, but she can be quite judgemental. I always hear here saying things like "Why is he so gay" or "What a fkn homo" when she talks about guys she doesn't like or guys who seem to feminine to her.

I live with my mom and step father, who thnks the same way.

My biological father, however is a whole other story....he is ENTIRELY Homophobic....he works for the Delta Force, he used to be in the Marines as a Drill Sargent.... he can be quite male chovenist, and he's definately not a Gay-Freindly person, in fact, he can't STAND Gay people.....

I am very close with my family, do not get me wrong, but I never felt a ready oppurtunity to be open with them about this....

I don't want them to treat me differently. Even though I don't truly care what they think of me, I do not want thier perceptions of me to change...I don't want them to think they have a "new son" or "new brother"

It's still me.....

But since I am the Oldest Sibling, I have always been held as the "role model" for my younger brothers and sister. Anything I have ever done that my parents did not consider right, I have been penalized for.

JUST IMAGINE if they knew that I like men more than women, just imagine if they knew how promiscious I had been for the past 4 years.....I can't even think how thier perceptions of me would change, and how they may affect my family life...

My ex boyfreind actually DUMPED ME, because of the lack of freedom he had in my house...how he couldn't kiss me in front of my brothers or mom, how he couldn't say "I love you", etc.

It was heartbreaking, and totally...i dont know....just unfair.

I always told myself before, that it wouldn't matter if I told my parents or not. I always told myself that what I did was NONE of thier business, and I didn't have to say anything to them...

But when you have a relationship.....you have to tell them.....you can't keep in a secret like that. Everything will go wrong....

I think deep down inside, they somehow know....I've had "sleepovers" with other guy freinds, always making an excuse of how my car was outta gas, or how it was too late to come back home....

But the fact that I appear straight, the fact that I act pretty masculine, and the fact that they know I have dated girls, and have a huge crush on celebs like Beyonce, Carmen Electra, etc. still convince them that I'm probably straight.....

I'm not sure how to come out, but I KNOW I have too [/B]

Originally posted by Yuna_And_Tidus
I haven't told my parents that I am [undecided] either. My Dad and I were sitting in the living room and I was discussing my gay friends--one in particular, Jamie, who's one of my best friends. Dad told me that he was brought up to go against gays because of what the Bible says. He is against gay marriage as well. He just kept on ranting about how it was wrong to be gay and I kept ranting back that people can't help it if they're gay or whatever orientation they are. That's where I decided to keep my [undecidedness] to myself, because my dad would disown me if he found out, and if he found out after I was 18 (I turn 18 in May) he'd probably kick me out of the house or not speak to me, either one--I don't know which is worse, truthfully because I love my dad. My girl cousin has a girlfriend right now, and I haven' told him, and I won't.

Yeah your dad sounds like a real nice guy... If you are so scared to lose your fathers love then he doesn't really love you anyway... My god it's not like you just became a Muslim, now that's bad... Muslims suck just ask Ashley Blue

http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/8778/bb1c7eb7/index.html

Anyways seriously, if your father won't accept that you are gay or whatever then perhaps you should ask yourself if his opinion should even matter. Besides people might radically change their opinion once they all of a sudden know gay people and realize that it has nothing to do with choice, or how they were raised and it doesn't automatically means they are the very definition of evil.

a parent who does not love their child unconditionally is not a fit and functional parent imho.
all too common among parents, and quite shameful.

I'm not sure how to come out, but I KNOW I have too

Ask "What IF" questions to your parents. "What if you found out your child was gay..etc, would you still love them?" Or if you brought up something you've heard someone say, then say.."I wonder how their parents took it,..how would you take it, if you thought I was Bi/gay..etc." In other words ask probing questions to know which avenue to take that would best most beneficial and productive...

Yeah, yeah, we get it--you're bisekshul.

forget something?

droolio

Indeed.

droolio

Well what if everyone was gay and you had to tell your parents you were straight? Similar to a twilight zone I saw once.....well sorta but not...well ...oh never mind.

I honestly don't know what I am at this point. I'm not afraid of what my mom will do, she'll love me all the same, it's just the fact that I don't have clue that keeps me from saying anything

Originally posted by Strangelove
I honestly don't know what I am at this point. I'm not afraid of what my mom will do, she'll love me all the same, it's just the fact that I don't have clue that keeps me from saying anything

Originally posted by Fishy
Yeah your dad sounds like a real nice guy... If you are so scared to lose your fathers love then he doesn't really love you anyway... My god it's not like you just became a Muslim, now that's bad... Muslims suck just ask Ashley Blue

http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/8778/bb1c7eb7/index.html

Anyways seriously, if your father won't accept that you are gay or whatever then perhaps you should ask yourself if his opinion should even matter. Besides people might radically change their opinion once they all of a sudden know gay people and realize that it has nothing to do with choice, or how they were raised and it doesn't automatically means they are the very definition of evil.

Originally posted by Strangelove
I honestly don't know what I am at this point. I'm not afraid of what my mom will do, she'll love me all the same, it's just the fact that I don't have clue that keeps me from saying anything

Originally posted by Yuna_And_Tidus
Nuh-uh! My Dad loves me more than life, but he was just brought up on the Bible WAY too strictly!

If he loves you more then life he will love you more then the interpretation of a 2000 year old book by some stupid priests.

Put out some real history about the Sodom and Gomorrah story and they will see what the real story is.