Re: Re: Will you have lots of children?
Originally posted by Quiero Mota
I have 3 sons, which is enough for me.And to be honest, I think my middle has 'Middle Child Syndrome'. Even though my youngest is the 'outcast'.
I don't want to put you on the spot, but did you favor the oldest? I have a theory (here we go AGAIN), that some parents treat their kids well depending on how the relationship/finances is going during the time of the child's birth, and I even had a boss from China who told me his family was this way, now I can't state that all Chinese families are this way, of course not, but he did state that depending on the luck during the child's birth, depends on if they see that child as a good luck or bad luck, if one of his siblings was born during a time of low cash or trouble wiyhin the relationship, that child may be dismissed as a bad luck child.
Maybe you favored the oldest because it marked a great time in your relationship. That's my theory, that some parents will project their happiness with their relationship with their spouse upon the child, so if the child is a "make up" baby, and things still aren't resolved (as the olden days was if the relationship is bad, have a baby, a baby will bring the relationship together), then that baby may be tossed aside by both. 🙁
Another thing is the way the child looks...let's say that a relationship (love) is never always 50-50, someone loves the other a bit more then the other. When this happens that person who loves more has less power, but usually doesn't care. Now, when they have children, if the dominate parent is mean and just takes love as a power game, that parent may dismiss the kid that looks like the parent that is loving, and give favor to the one who looks like them, and since the parent that is so loving gives into the dominate partner, he/she may also neglect the one that looks like him/her just to please the dominate one.
Doesn't happen all the time, but could be ONE reason why parents have favorites and sometimes, set up some siblings to have emotional problems, the other reason would be associating a child with good or bad luck (such as during times of financial or otherwise prosperity).
Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
never heard of associating a child with luck.
usually, the spouse or parent that is doing it is clever enough never to articulate it that way (at least not in front of the unlucky children), just like the ones who play favorites aren't always the type to say it "jan or jack is my favorite", but it's observed by either the other spouse or several other siblings who call it on the parent or both parents.
if a parent sees a child as a good luck child, they tends to reminisce about either a good time during that child's birth, the good time could be financial or the time they were most in love with their spouse, and again, this child ends up feeling special above the other children who may not have born during such times (as the parents may be losing their relationship and may think that the child was what brought them happiness, or that's when they were most happy, so they try again during make up sex, hoping to make the relationship better, but it doesn't work, so they keep trying for more babies) and a spouse or the other siblings may observe favoritism toward that child (assuming it's the dominate parent that is pulling this card). sometimes, the other siblings will notice that nothing positive is said during the time of their birth, but mostly during the other sibling, it's a strong indication (esp if playing favorites) that the reason for favorite playing is that the child was born during a really good time. the opposite would be true too, esp if a spouse is cheating and looks like the cheating spouse, the child maybe abused emotionally or told they are crap or no good just like their father/mother, etc. meaning, they were born into a bad time, but usually the parent is going to be so egocentric, they won't be able to articulate and reflect if this is true, they just want to lash out at the bi-product of the hurt.
the worst is having a child to save a marriage, and if that marriage doesn't survive, that child is as good as nothing to both of them, unless one of the parents has a really really good natured heart.
Originally posted by Oncewhite
usually, the spouse or parent that is doing it is clever enough never to articulate it that way, just like the ones who play favorites aren't always the type to say it "jan or jack is my favorite", but it's observed by either the other spouse or several other siblings who call it on the parent or both parents.if a parent sees a child as a good luck child, they tends to reminisce about either a good time during that child's birth, the good time could be financial or the time they were most in love with their spouse, and again, this child ends up feeling special above the other children who may not have born during such times (as the parents may be losing their relationship and may think that the child was what brought them happiness, or that's when they were most happy, so they try again during make up sex, hoping to make the relationship better, but it doesn't work, so they keep trying for more babies) and a spouse or the other siblings may observe favoritism toward that child (assuming it's the dominate parent that is pulling this card). sometimes, the other siblings will notice that nothing positive is said during the time of their birth, but mostly during the other sibling, it's a strong indication (esp if playing favorites) that the reason for favorite playing is that the child was born during a really good time. the opposite would be true too, esp if a spouse is cheating and looks like the cheating spouse, the child maybe abused emotionally or told they are crap or no good just like their father/mother, etc. meaning, they were born into a bad time, but usually the parent is going to be so egocentric, they won't be able to articulate and reflect if this is true, they just want to lash out at the bi-product of the hurt.
the worse is having a child to save a marriage, and if that marriage didn't survive, that child is as good as nothing to both of them, unless one of the parent has a really really good natured heart.
Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
a woman having a child to save a marriage, that i have heard of.
sorry to say it, not only a woman, i've heard RUMORS of men who have dropped their seed in a female to tie her down (other men won't want her anymore and she's tied to him for at least 20 years)...it's not only females who play this control game, and they don't have to be married to accomplish this! i know of one guy who got his wife pregno when she wanted a divorce, they eventually divorced, but he has access to her for 20 years, and other guys are going to be sluggish to come around a woman with a child or children. it's a control tool used by both sexes who are into control games, were children are taught in the cross fire.
At this point in my life....I doubt I'll have kids. I'm in my early 30's and usually big families begin in the mid 20's. I'm a fifth member of three brothers and one sister. My parents were in the early 20's when my first brother was born. I once thought of having my own big family...but time just washes that away.
Originally posted by WrathfulDwarfadopt 🙂
At this point in my life....I doubt I'll have kids. I'm in my early 30's and usually big families begin in the mid 20's. I'm a fifth member of three brothers and one sister. My parents were in the early 20's when my first brother was born. I once thought of having my own big family...but time just washes that away.
I look after someones children quite often, there is three of them. Gosh it can be hard work.
I would probably only have two! two gives each other the company, also just a nice number to have as kids start to can jelous when more arrive in the family. Also freedom is a great thign to have and two isnt too bad😄