(A sizzling sound is heard, followed by a burning smell.)
Kramer: NO! MY MINNIE MOUSE SOCKS!
Dusty: How do you expect me to concentrate with an iron when our dad fires a damn shotgun through the door?
Kramer: (ignores) SHE GAVE THEM TO ME AT HALF PRICE!
Kramer: HALF PRICE!
Dusty: (gloomily) He’s in.
Ken: You dare to string up my little girl like an animal ripe for the slaughter?
Dusty: That wasn’t us.
(Irene peeks from over Ken’s shoulder, blows a huge raspberry at them, and stalks away again.)
Dusty: Damn it.
Ken: You’re both grounded for a month.
Kramer: Oh, come on, dad! That’s a bit much!
Dusty: A fortnight is reasonable, but a month? Seriously.
Ken: Uh-uh, a month.
Dusty: Screw this! We challenge you in Family Court.
Ken: 😐
Ken: Fine, fine. 1800 hours, tomorrow afternoon. Make your phone calls and get yourselves some decent attorneys this time.
[End of first installment]
(Down the street a block. The view is from a video camera, shaky at first, but focuses on Mist.)
Mist: Ahoy hoy, mates. What we have here is a test, hopefully being of decent quality enough to make it onto America’s Funniest Home Videos. Ah, here’s my hostess.
(Camera pans to the side to see LethalFemme donning a pair of stretchy white gloves.)
Femme: Hey, everyone. Dad’s made a bit of a claim that he has the highest pain threshold in all of KMC, which includes the women that have given birth. We think it’s a load of BS, obviously, so you can probably guess what’s going to come next. Follow me!
(Camera zooms in on Femme’s ass.)
Mist: Caught that, Davey.
DarkC: Shut up.
(Camera follows the two into the living room, where Lana, Ronny, and Wild-Cherry wait dutifully with strips of waxing paper. Tired Hiker is lying apprehensively on his stomach, his shirt off.)
Femme: So what we have planned is, we have five people, with two hands each. Which means ten strips of waxing paper all over Hiker’s back, which are going to be firmly pressed on, and all of them ripped off at the same time.
Mist: If he manages to stay conscious, we owe the bloke major kudos.
DarkC: Okay, get him ready, this battery’s running out.
(45 second delay, in which they press the strips onto his back.)
Femme: They’re on! Take your positions, everyone. Lana, give us a countdown.
Lana: Okay, strips off in ten, nine, eight…
Ronny: Dad, you’re going to regret those words.
Hiker: I’m quaking in my boots here.
(Phone rings. Storm, who’s watching, runs off to get it.)
Lana: Five, four, three, two…
Lana: ONE!!!!
Ronny: ONE!!!!
Wild-Cherry: ONE!!!!!
Femme: ONE!!!
Mist: ONE!!!!
Storm: Hello?
Tired Hiker: (bloodcurdling scream) YIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!
Ken: Hey, Storm, it’s Ken, and what the bloody hell just happened?
Storm: We’ll post the video up on YouTube soon.
Ken: Great. Anyways, another session of Family Court tomorrow at 6:00 PM.
Storm: (sigh) What happened this time?
Ken: My eldest daughter got caught in a classic sapling noose.
Storm: Oh dear.
(Loud, raucous laughter is heard.)
Mist: YEAAAAAAAAH!
Femme: SCORE ONE FOR THE KIDS!
Ken: Sounds like you’re having fun.
Storm: Oh, we are.
Devalion: What did Storm say?
Ken: She wanted a threesome.
Devalion: KEEEEEN….
Ken: Okay, okay.
Ken: She says she’ll talk to the family. They’re apparently busy over something.
Devalion: Busy over what?
Ken: I’m not sure, but they were apparently having fun over it.
(Meanwhile.)
Mist: You ready for the CHEST SIDE, big guy? Eh? Eh?
(Mist pokes at Tired Hiker’s unmoving form with a rusty firepoker.)
Mist: Shit.
Mist: Someone get the smelling salts.
**
Ken: Storm said they’ll be posting a video on YouTube, might as well check.
Devalion: Anything?
Ken: No. Funny video of Dion Phaneuf laying the hurt out on Hamel though.
Ken: Ah, here we are. *clicks*
Tired Hiker: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRAAAAAAAGHHH
YouTube video
Ken: I think he just fainted. Ouch.
Devalion: Honey, I think my ears are bleeding.
Originally posted by DarkC
Devalion: What did Storm say?
Ken: She wanted a threesome.
Devalion: KEEEEEN….
Ken: Okay, okay.
Ken: She says she’ll talk to the family. They’re apparently busy over something.
Devalion: Busy over what?
Ken: I’m not sure, but they were apparently having fun over it.(Meanwhile.)
Mist: You ready for the CHEST SIDE, big guy? Eh? Eh?
(Mist pokes at Tired Hiker’s unmoving form with a rusty firepoker.)
Mist: Shit.
Mist: Someone get the smelling salts.**
Ken: Storm said they’ll be posting a video on YouTube, might as well check.
Devalion: Anything?
Ken: No. Funny video of Dion Phaneuf laying the hurt out on Hamel though.Ken: Ah, here we are. *clicks*
Tired Hiker: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRAAAAAAAGHHH
YouTube video
Ken: I think he just fainted. Ouch.
Devalion: Honey, I think my ears are bleeding.
dang, i cant see the film weep