My Idea for a manga. (critisizm is welcomed)

Ok. I have this great idea for a mange that I want to draw, and write. Heres pretty much the overview of the story.

The main character has a VERY dark past which he leaves behind, and begins to live life like normal person along with his girlfriend, her brother, and his Rival.

Eventually however his pas catches up with him, and the four end up fighting against Superpowered beings in which they have little hope of defeating. They gain the help of an old man calling himself only "The Voice" and a young man who was an enemy at first. Eventually they grow strong enough to defeat their foes, only to learn that the whole thing was only a test, made by the True Mastermind. Later they uncover the truths about themselves, their hidden ties to one another, and their journey to stop the Apocalypse and protect the fate of all the worlds.

This is it for now. But I promise MUCH more detail is soon to come.

Originally posted by Tallis
Ok. I have this great idea for a mange that I want to draw, and write. Heres pretty much the overview of the story.

The main character has a VERY dark past which he leaves behind, and begins to live life like normal person along with his girlfriend, her brother, and his Rival.

Eventually however his pas catches up with him, and the four end up fighting against Superpowered beings in which they have little hope of defeating. They gain the help of an old man calling himself only "The Voice" and a young man who was an enemy at first. Eventually they grow strong enough to defeat their foes, only to learn that the whole thing was only a test, made by the True Mastermind. Later they uncover the truths about themselves, their hidden ties to one another, and their journey to stop the Apocalypse and protect the fate of all the worlds.

This is it for now. But I promise MUCH more detail is soon to come.

Originally posted by Tallis
Ok. I have this great idea for a mange that I want to draw, and write. Heres pretty much the overview of the story.

The main character has a VERY dark past which he leaves behind, and begins to live life like normal person along with his girlfriend, her brother, and his Rival.

Eventually however his pas catches up with him, and the four end up fighting against Superpowered beings in which they have little hope of defeating. They gain the help of an old man calling himself only "The Voice" and a young man who was an enemy at first. Eventually they grow strong enough to defeat their foes, only to learn that the whole thing was only a test, made by the True Mastermind. Later they uncover the truths about themselves, their hidden ties to one another, and their journey to stop the Apocalypse and protect the fate of all the worlds.

This is it for now. But I promise MUCH more detail is soon to come.

I'm not attempting to discourage you, but honestly it sounds like a very typical manga story. Nothing unique about it. Maybe that'll change when you give more details though.

Originally posted by Tallis
The main character has a VERY dark past which he leaves behind, and begins to live life like normal person along with his girlfriend, her brother, and his Rival.

i was going to write a manga too.
i had already drawn all the characters and everything, but then i just lost inspiration and stopped.

Originally posted by StyleTime
I'm not attempting to discourage you, but honestly it sounds like a very typical manga story. Nothing unique about it. Maybe that'll change when you give more details though.

me too

Originally posted by StyleTime
I'm not attempting to discourage you, but honestly it sounds like a very typical manga story. Nothing unique about it. Maybe that'll change when you give more details though.

I disagree with that assesment, why must everything be unique to be enjoyable or just plane good?

Originally posted by Emperor Ashtar
I disagree with that assesment, why must everything be unique to be enjoyable or just plane good?

Ok here's the FULL Bio on the Main character. This will reveal MANY plot points, but since much of this if not all of it is suseptable to change I decided that i might as well share it with you now.

Name: Dominic Dela Cruz

Back Ground: Pre-SIN
Dominics childhood was a hard one. He lived with his step-father and mother on the streets of New York, from Hell's Kitchen to East Harlem. for the first 3 years of his life. When he became 4 his parents managed to gain enough money to live in an apartment. It was then that Dominic met his childhood friend and first love Cassandra.

It was at the age of 6 that Dominic got his first glimpse at the sight of death. He had been coming home from school that day when it started to rain, he had walked Cassandra home first, and deciding it would be quicker to home if cut a few back alles he began to run home. Then only one block left to his house, he saw his step-father mugging a man. When his step-father turned to see him, the man pulled out a gun of his own and shit him. His step-father died in his arms.

Since that day death, starvation, and poverty, became a part of Domincs daily life, with Cassandra being his only window to sanity. But soon that would come to an end aswell. When Dominic became 11 he made 6 friends who seemed to relate to his darkened heart. Dorian, Gizelle, Renee, Alexis, David, and Lupe, where their names. The six along with Dominic and Cassandra had been victim to autrocities no child should bare witness to.

Then after a year of a loving relationship, Dominic and Cassandra were to meet the others at the hang out spot, along the way they were stopped by a group of thugs. They had beaten Dominic severly, his ribs were broken, his face was distorted from the lumps, bruises, and blood. It was after the had finished beating him that they began with Cassandra. They took turns beating her around, then she bit one of them on the hand, which pissed the thug off, and he stabbed her just below the ribs.

From anger alone Dominic got up and began to fight the thugs only to get beaten back down. They tied his hands together and proceded to fold his fingers back until they broke. They put him on his knees and forced him to watch as they slit Cassandra's throat. It was in this instant the the boy known as Dominic ceased to exist, and the Monster of a Thousand murders was born. His mind snapped and his lost all control, and in a bloody massacre began to kill the thugs by biting out their throats. However the murderer of his beloved had escaped, fleeing in terror.

Soon the other Six found out what had happenend and pledged to avenge Cassandra no matter the cost. And so the group that would later be known as the SIN, was born.

***********************************************

Still MUCH MORE to add. I just got tired its late were I live so more will be up by tomorrow.

Originally posted by StyleTime
I'm not attempting to discourage you, but honestly it sounds like a very typical manga story. Nothing unique about it. Maybe that'll change when you give more details though.

Originally posted by Darth Macabre
✅ That's the first thing I thought of when I read his ideas, too.

Originally posted by Emperor Ashtar
I disagree with that assesment, why must everything be unique to be enjoyable or just plane good?

Honestly, if you saw the initial description while looking for a new manga, would you be interested in reading it?

As for the story, it's turning out just like I thought so far, but I can't really judge until I read a chapter. I don't know how Tallis will actually execute the story itself. It could be some beautiful, character driven drama for all I know.

I'm surprised Cassandra died that early. Post a chapter when you can. Until then, the only real criticism is the characters. 7 characters are very difficult to pull off when brought in all at the beginning. That's actually not really even a criticism, just a warning.

Originally posted by Tallis
Ok here's the FULL Bio on the Main character. This will reveal MANY plot points, but since much of this if not all of it is suseptable to change I decided that i might as well share it with you now.

Name: Dominic Dela Cruz

[b]Back Ground: Pre-SIN
Dominics childhood was a hard one. He lived with his step-father and mother on the streets of New York, from Hell's Kitchen to East Harlem. for the first 3 years of his life. When he became 4 his parents managed to gain enough money to live in an apartment. It was then that Dominic met his childhood friend and first love Cassandra.

It was at the age of 6 that Dominic got his first glimpse at the sight of death. He had been coming home from school that day when it started to rain, he had walked Cassandra home first, and deciding it would be quicker to home if cut a few back alles he began to run home. Then only one block left to his house, he saw his step-father mugging a man. When his step-father turned to see him, the man pulled out a gun of his own and shit him. His step-father died in his arms.

Since that day death, starvation, and poverty, became a part of Domincs daily life, with Cassandra being his only window to sanity. But soon that would come to an end aswell. When Dominic became 11 he made 6 friends who seemed to relate to his darkened heart. Dorian, Gizelle, Renee, Alexis, David, and Lupe, where their names. The six along with Dominic and Cassandra had been victim to autrocities no child should bare witness to.

Then after a year of a loving relationship, Dominic and Cassandra were to meet the others at the hang out spot, along the way they were stopped by a group of thugs. They had beaten Dominic severly, his ribs were broken, his face was distorted from the lumps, bruises, and blood. It was after the had finished beating him that they began with Cassandra. They took turns beating her around, then she bit one of them on the hand, which pissed the thug off, and he stabbed her just below the ribs.

From anger alone Dominic got up and began to fight the thugs only to get beaten back down. They tied his hands together and proceded to fold his fingers back until they broke. They put him on his knees and forced him to watch as they slit Cassandra's throat. It was in this instant the the boy known as Dominic ceased to exist, and the Monster of a Thousand murders was born. His mind snapped and his lost all control, and in a bloody massacre began to kill the thugs by biting out their throats. However the murderer of his beloved had escaped, fleeing in terror.

Soon the other Six found out what had happenend and pledged to avenge Cassandra no matter the cost. And so the group that would later be known as the SIN, was born.

***********************************************

Still MUCH MORE to add. I just got tired its late were I live so more will be up by tomorrow. [/B]

wow.
thats actually pretty good 💃

while i was reading it, i was like "the girl should die"
and you did it
very nice

Originally posted by StyleTime
You misunderstand me. While I do agree with what Darth Macabre said already, I didn't say it won't be interesting. A rehashed story can be good if it is actually executed like a good story. However, you can't deny that a cliche storlyine greatly discourages people from taking interest in your work. Without something unique to grab a potential reader's interest, your work will get looked over for something more original.

That depends on the reader, I'll take a cliche story with good writing anyday over something unique, but is absolute trash. I think there is too much of an emphasis on originality then there is on good writing. Yeah, it's good to come up with original idea's, but let's not get it twisted originality is not he key to succeeding.

Originally posted by StyleTime

Honestly, if you saw the initial description while looking for a new manga, would you be interested in reading it?

Actually, most of the manga's I get into are after actually reading a few volumes.

Originally posted by StyleTime

As for the story, it's turning out just like I thought so far, but I can't really judge until I read a chapter. I don't know how Tallis will actually execute the story itself. It could be some beautiful, character driven drama for all I know.

Which is why I never really read descriptions for manga, I rather take a more hands on approach to be honest.

Originally posted by Emperor Ashtar
That depends on the reader, I'll take a cliche story with good writing anyday over something unique, but is absolute trash. I think there is too much of an emphasis on originality then there is on good writing. Yeah, it's good to come up with original idea's, but let's not get it twisted originality is not he key to succeeding.

Originally posted by Emperor Ashtar
Actually, most of the manga's I get into are after actually reading a few volumes.

Originally posted by Emperor Ashtar
Which is why I never really read descriptions for manga, I rather take a more hands on approach to be honest.

Sorry I could'nt get around to posting more info. Will do ASAP.

Oh as a side note though. The actual starting point of the manga is'nt up their yet, this is really more background info than anything else

Originally posted by StyleTime
I guess I need to clarify more. I never said originality was the key. I actually noted that execution will determine if the story is good. However, assuming one doesn't know the quality of the writing itself, original works will get that initial look that cliches won't. It doesn't mean the cliche is any worse, but someone looking for new material is going to look for just that. New material.

Originally posted by StyleTime

Which makes sense. However, that wasn't my question. What is going to make you think to try a new manga? Some interesting concept that makes you curious? Or some some tired story that you just got done reading? Keep in mind, I am speaking of your initial perception before you actually delve into the book. Would an original story be more likely to make you give it a try? That's all I'm saying.

Originally posted by Emperor Ashtar
Actually, most of the time I read a manga is because of a hot anime girl posted on the cover. But, what keeps me reading a manga is good writing.🙂

Originally posted by Tallis
Sorry I could'nt get around to posting more info. Will do ASAP.

Oh as a side note though. The actual starting point of the manga is'nt up their yet, this is really more background info than anything else

Question. How long does it take for what you posted before to actually occur in the story? Is this like just a chapter, several chapters, or an intro? Haven't decided yet?

Originally posted by Tallis
Ok here's the FULL Bio on the Main character. This will reveal MANY plot points, but since much of this if not all of it is suseptable to change I decided that i might as well share it with you now.

Name: Dominic Dela Cruz

[b]Back Ground: Pre-SIN
Dominics childhood was a hard one. He lived with his step-father and mother on the streets of New York, from Hell's Kitchen to East Harlem. for the first 3 years of his life. When he became 4 his parents managed to gain enough money to live in an apartment. It was then that Dominic met his childhood friend and first love Cassandra.

It was at the age of 6 that Dominic got his first glimpse at the sight of death. He had been coming home from school that day when it started to rain, he had walked Cassandra home first, and deciding it would be quicker to home if cut a few back alles he began to run home. Then only one block left to his house, he saw his step-father mugging a man. When his step-father turned to see him, the man pulled out a gun of his own and shit him. His step-father died in his arms.

Since that day death, starvation, and poverty, became a part of Domincs daily life, with Cassandra being his only window to sanity. But soon that would come to an end aswell. When Dominic became 11 he made 6 friends who seemed to relate to his darkened heart. Dorian, Gizelle, Renee, Alexis, David, and Lupe, where their names. The six along with Dominic and Cassandra had been victim to autrocities no child should bare witness to.

Then after a year of a loving relationship, Dominic and Cassandra were to meet the others at the hang out spot, along the way they were stopped by a group of thugs. They had beaten Dominic severly, his ribs were broken, his face was distorted from the lumps, bruises, and blood. It was after the had finished beating him that they began with Cassandra. They took turns beating her around, then she bit one of them on the hand, which pissed the thug off, and he stabbed her just below the ribs.

From anger alone Dominic got up and began to fight the thugs only to get beaten back down. They tied his hands together and proceded to fold his fingers back until they broke. They put him on his knees and forced him to watch as they slit Cassandra's throat. It was in this instant the the boy known as Dominic ceased to exist, and the Monster of a Thousand murders was born. His mind snapped and his lost all control, and in a bloody massacre began to kill the thugs by biting out their throats. However the murderer of his beloved had escaped, fleeing in terror.

Soon the other Six found out what had happenend and pledged to avenge Cassandra no matter the cost. And so the group that would later be known as the SIN, was born.

***********************************************

Still MUCH MORE to add. I just got tired its late were I live so more will be up by tomorrow. [/B]

That sounds like a good manga, but how do the characters get their power. The setting sound's more like a comic than a manga, but that could make it unique. 🙂

Continued...

They went to a weapons shop and armed themselves with weapons. Dominic using a katana, Dorain a broadsword, Gizelle an assortment of daggers, Renee to an arsenal of weapons, Alexis took 2 9mm, David 2 brass knuckles, and Lupe armed himself with and assortment of explosives.

However what Dominic and the others did'nt know was that Cassandra's killer, was the son of the local Mafia Crime Lord, King Benny. This began a series of savage battles between, the mafia and and Dominics group that swept the streets of New York. This gained Dominics group fame throughout the underground, for being young and skilled merciless killers, and openly slaughtering King Benny's men.

It wasn't long however until the Police and bountyhunters came looking for the seven only to get a horrible death. One of the victims to Dominics blade dying words was "Why?" to which he responded. "The tears on my eyes have not stopped falling since Cassandra died, and still at this moment they fall. I shall make the world cry ,an everlasting cry. I shall make the world bleed eternally, as my heart has bled, since the moment they took her from me."

The sevens murderous deeds in the name of vengeance, was heard by super natural forces as well. Lady Abyss, hells very own conciousness, the first original evil predating the Gods, summoned the seven down to hell and offered them power enough to become the strongest beings in the world, in exchange for leading hells armies when, the time to strike at heaven came. They accepted. And so they claimed the Seven Masks of SIN.

SIN:

Armed with the mask of Pride Dominic became unbelievably powerful. As an added boost to his already powerful demonic abilities, he had some how gained one of the Legendary Spectrum Eyes. The three pairs of Spectrum Eyes were said to had once belonged to Lucifer, and were the only force in existance that could threaten the power of the Gods. However once Lucifer was defeated by Michael, God sealed away most of their power leaving only 1/8 of its original power.

With both the Spectrum Eyes, and the Mask of Pride, Dominic was easily the Strongest member of SIN. Some of his most infamous deeds while using his power was single handedly defeating a force of 500 men consisting of SWAT, Mafia, and Mercenaries that had formed a co-allition to defeat him. Another was taking down a passanger airplane down by slicing off the right wing, and making is crash in a city block, killing hundreds.

It was at around this time, that after finishing a kill he had bein walking through Rucker Park, that he saw a girl. Jazmin Haughton. She seemed remarkably familiar, but couldn't quite place were he had met her. She was beautiful in every sence of the word, inside and out she was for lack of a better word, in his eyes Divine.

Confused with these sudden emotions, Dominic felt like he had betrayed the memory of his beloved Cassandra. He pleged to never see the girl again, but as days went by he couldn't help but to follow her in the shadows, he was captivated in his lust for her. No not lust it was love. But why? He had never met the girl before in his life.

Then one day while he was following her she stopped at a pizzeria suddenly and she noticed him. As soon as she saw him almost the exact same feelings he had been feeling for her, she felt for him. A familiar attraction, a trusting bond. She felt almost ablidged to ask him to sit with her. And thus they shared their first real moment together.

***************************************************

More about their mysterious love will be revealed later. And the deeds Dominic commited will come back to surface in the places he least expects.