My Idea for a manga. (critisizm is welcomed)

Continued

As they talked, Dominic learned that she had been in town for two weeks, staying with her grandmother who was in the hospital, and was dying. Jazmin actually lived in Florida, with her brother, Eric. Who had stood home to work. Since Jazmin's parents had died when she was relatively young.

She was planning to leave back to Florida in four days, and asked Dominic if he needed a place to stay, since she lived in a rather large mansion. So Dominic had to make a choice and fast, stay and continue his dark killings, or dissappear and go with this girl, who seemed all too familiar. In his heart of hearts he already knew what he had decided. And so with that he pledged never to use his powers again.

Heart Reborn:

After faking his own death, he casted his demonic powers aside, and left with Jazmin.

However some complications arised. She had lost her plane ticket, and luggage. And deciding the a days travel on road would be all right, Dominic and Jazmin made their wa to Florida. However more complications occured that delayed their journey homw, but nevertheless brung their hearts closer together.

Once they reached Florida, Dominic met Jazmin's older, very compassionate brother, Eric. Eric seemed to nearly idolize Dominic in a very strange fashion, and insisted in him living with them before, Jazmin could even proposition him.

And so after the summer Dominic began to go to Jazmin's High School, where he met a new rival, Donell Crooks.

Unbeknownst to either of them, their lives are more intracatly connected than anyone elses.

More Please 🤘

Continued...

Donell Crooks, is the best fighter at East Side High School. His physical strengh and speed, as well as acrobatic ability was beyond anyone elses, and he was pretty good looking too. This was enough to have made him Jazmin's ex-boyfriend. So naturally when he saw Dominic their was immediate tension.

Everyone immediatly began to like Dominic, and he soon became one of the more popular people in the school. This pissed Donell off, so the unavoidable conflict, happened. They were to meet at the Park, were unbeknownst to Dominic, was the territoty of one of the local street gangs, the Crips, would hang out. Donell planned on allowing the Crips beat down Dominic, since he knew they could'nt possibly harm him.

So Dominic went, much to both Erics, and Jazmin's dismay. When he arrived Donell was waiting. Wondering where the hell the crips were Donell tried to stall the fight by monologing. Then as he began to talk, both he and Dominic, began to hear a powerful grumbling sound. Soon they could see where it was coming from. The reason the crips hadn't been their was because they were preparing for a gang fight that was about to happen right their.

Soon Donell, and Dominic, could see three masive waves of color, Red, Blue, and Yellow, headed their way. The three groups stopped once they were near the duo. Asking where their alligiances lied. The two simply starred at each other and seemed to understand what each was thinking.

And so Dominic and Donell, began to fight everyone that was their. The fight cold only be described as moving poetry, the way that they seemed to block and attack for each other. The fight almost seemed choreographed, by how magnificently they defeated the armies of thugs.

Donell and Dominic had defeat them all. And in doing so shared a trust amongst warriors. However their true purpose would not be so easily avoided. The two began their own fight, and their fists spoke volumes. As they fought however, Dominic could sense, some type of energy resonating from Donell. He didn't know what it was but it became apparant that, Donell was more than what he let on.

The fight ended in a draw, as they both fell from exhaustion. Finally the two vowed to be friends for the time being until the time that they both felt sufficiently stronger, and the two could have a rematch to decide the true winner.

From here on out is the actual starting point of the manga

Two years went by and Dominic, Donell, and Jazmin became 18, and were seniors. During this time Dominic and Donell, had both been teaching Jazmin and Eric how to fight as well. The three, were the most popular kids in the school.

Dominic had taken up a job by the pizzeria near Jazmins house, and this eventually became the after school hang out spot, as Eric would often come around to hang out with them aswell. All seemed peaceful, and for the first time in his life Dominic could truely say that he was happy, but this would not last. As faces from the past made their ineviatable return.

*************************************************

MUCH MORE still to come.

What no more critisizm? Please your opinions are needed.

Continued...

It started of like any other day. Dominic was in class trying to catch up on his studies, when all of a sudden, he got a premonition of people being killed. He didn't understand it and dicided to keep quiet about it till later. He met up with Donell and Jazmin after school, and left them to go to work.

Along the way however, his demon energy started to spike. Not understanding why or how, nor having time to react, his body goes into a frantic chaos full of pain. He begins to bleed from his mouth, ould scars open up and begin to start bleeding, a burning pain is overwhelming his insides, he begins to lose conciousness but stay awake enough to notice, a boy carrying a tremendous sword on his back. And the glowing emblem of the Five Point star on his bare chest.

Dominic awakes to find himself at Jazmins house, with Eric and Donell their as well. They seem worried but dont bother to ask him any questions, hoping he'll provide the answers when neccesary. He had lost consiousness for nearly three days, but still the site of that boy was all he could think about.

Opting to forget about the event. He goes on with life normally, only to be confronted by the boy. As soon as he makes his appearance, the pain returns, thus linking the pain to the boy, he asks what is happening to him. The boy answers "Demon energy is a living thing, when a person with demon energy is near another person with demon energy, the two seperate energies urge to be together. However you have kept your demon energy locked up for so long is become to powerful to be kept dormant once its near another. The pain your feeling right now is a result, your demon energy wants to escape and be of use, you can either let it out, or let it slowly overwhelm you and destroy you from the inside out." Dominic realizes the truth in these words but asks another question. "What do you want?"

To which the boy replies. "You have the mask of Pride. I'm here to take it from you."

Finding he has no other choice, Dominic releases his demon energy, and prepares to confront his mysterious opponent.

Originally posted by Tallis
What no more critisizm? Please your opinions are needed.

To be honest, and this is in no way denying or belittling your writing prowess, but I was kind of bored reading it.

I've noticed that, most people over look or get bored with original ideas quickly. That is to say if it isn't actually a thing of substance like Bleach or Naruto, that it makes it very difficult to pay attention. This includes me.

Hopefully I'll scan some actual art soon and that might intise your interest once more

Originally posted by Tallis
Ok. I have this great idea for a mange that I want to draw, and write. Heres pretty much the overview of the story.

The main character has a VERY dark past which he leaves behind, and begins to live life like normal person along with his girlfriend, her brother, and his Rival.

Eventually however his pas catches up with him, and the four end up fighting against Superpowered beings in which they have little hope of defeating. They gain the help of an old man calling himself only "The Voice" and a young man who was an enemy at first. Eventually they grow strong enough to defeat their foes, only to learn that the whole thing was only a test, made by the True Mastermind. Later they uncover the truths about themselves, their hidden ties to one another, and their journey to stop the Apocalypse and protect the fate of all the worlds.

This is it for now. But I promise MUCH more detail is soon to come.