Depressed

Okay, this is going to sound wrong, but tonight I went onto my boyfriend's e-mail account to make sure my e-card I sent him got there. Well I logged in to see that he had one new message and one old. The new one was my e-card, but the second left me a little depressed, it was his porn site account. Men, I have a question, what is your fascination with such things? I mean, now I feel like I don't suit his fancy and that I'm not good enough for him. Plus when he got offline tonight he didn't even say goodbye, no I love, no sweet dreams. We have been seeing eachother for a year and a half and I'm beginning to wonder if I really am good enough for him. I hope one of you guys will be able to restore my faith in his love for me. I do so much for him, and now to see that I don't appeal to him, it hurts me a great deal. I don't know why, but it does.

Padme, don't even worry about that crap. As a male, I must admit that it is fun to look at naked ladies. We have to. It's in our nature. All women are beautiul.

Beleive me, it has nothing to do with you not satifying him. Would you rather him go out and cheat on you, or have him get his jollies off the internet.

Don't worry so much. And don't be depressed. There's no reason for that.

Bullcrap. Why do you have to choose 'go out and cheat or get his jollies off the internet'? Either way they're both cheating. Be honest with yourself and don't make excuses for anyone! Be a strong woman. There is NO reason to be depressed about an issue that isn't yours.

Here's the rules from my standpoint as a successful husband and father:

Look, don't touch, don't think, don't stare too long. If it's naked, be tasteful and avoid. I know we all want to see it, but a relationship where one person is acting like their still on the playing field is NOT a union of love. If you want to engage in erotic fantasies and use toys, go ahead. Just make sure your partner is paying attention to YOU. Any intelligent psychologist or marriage counselor will tell you that a relationship not focused on each other is a relationship deemed for failure. Please tell me how looking at Penthouse is going to enhance your feelings for each other? It will enhance nothing but his curiosity and libido for other partners. Do you really expect to be the focal point while he is looking at some girl's goods? This is coming from a guy who's been there and done that. I've had my share of partners, had my time with the internet and magazines, and had my hardships in marriage because of my past experiences. The more people you date, the less likely you are able to succeed in the next relationship. A divided heart is worth little satisfaction to the person giving their whole heart. How would you like to build a house and have only 3/4ths of the materials? The house wouldn't be habitable. You gave your all, but he only have half. This is the same with life. Do you want 3/4ths of a life with him or an entire life? I'm not saying he has to spend night and day swooning over you, but it's the same as sharing him with another girl at school. Maybe he's not ready. Maybe he has an addiction. Either way take the next few steps cautiously, because if you feel conviction about his actions, it will eat you alive if you don't act on it. I have a successful marriage, but it took a lot of hard work and getting rid of some of the bad things in my past. I could go on forever because I love my wife and I know without a doubt that she loves me and we share the ideals of a monogamous relationship. It's nice to be appreciated without contempt...and this is not debatable for me.

Padme porn sites search the web for e-mail adresses so your boyfriend can be total innocent here. They find email adresses and send crap to them

Yes the amount of junk Email that is just porn sites is ridiculous, your boyfriend should be considered innocent until proven guilty, do not feel bad about it after all if it is perfectly innocent there is no need to beat yourself up over it.

yeh! what he said!
hey bill, dont spill, just take a pill, an chill!

a friend of mine send my e-mail adress to a pornsite and all hell broke loose.
I was bombarded with filth, between 30-50 porn site every day, it got to the point I had to change my e-mail adress to stop it.
But I entered a guy site and left my friends cell phone number in the classified section, urging them to send messages to it😄😈
He had to change his cell phone number cause he got messages all the time. And that was not the kind of messages you want others to see😄 😂

now thats a classic get your own back trick, good for you *chants: go finti, go finti, go finti!*

and all the others joined in!!!!!!!

you wish!

then why didn't he delete it if it was filth? You're right I shouldn't beat myself up over it, its just that, it hurts for him to lie to me about petty things.

Just ask him about it, but do so in a non-confrontational way, if you do not want him to know that you were viewing his EMails, make a joke about a friend or someone you know getting Spam Email from Porn sites and see if mentions it then.

what To said..plus that it might be just junk-mail

sounds like you two need to talk, Padme...so you know what's really going on with him and he can reassure you.

Originally posted by finti
a friend of mine send my e-mail adress to a pornsite and all hell broke loose.
I was bombarded with filth, between 30-50 porn site every day, it got to the point I had to change my e-mail adress to stop it.
But I entered a guy site and left my friends cell phone number in the classified section, urging them to send messages to it😄😈
He had to change his cell phone number cause he got messages all the time. And that was not the kind of messages you want others to see😄 😂

Good call! 😂

yeah, friend of mine did the same...
and unsubscribing DOESN*T WORK 😠

Yes, it doesn't does it.

I don't know I just still feel depressed in some way, I'm going to sleep for a bit, maybe I'll feel better when I wake up later.

He probably respects you too much to ask you to fulfill his sick fantasies.
That's why he's looking at porn.

You should talk to him about it.
Maybe slap him around here and there 😉

I could not disagree more with Jayride. I can, and have, given my all and been completely in love yet still had a very strong interest in pornography. To say a man who likes pornography is in any way at all compromising the relationship with his partner by default is just crap. Maybe SECRETLY doing it would be a problem, but in general, it is no problem at all.

And while any intelligent pschologist or counsellor would say that an unfocussed relationship is doomed, he most certainly would NOT say that an interest in pornography from either partner is a problem.

In any case, what would I achieve by giving it up for a partner? Would that, de facto, mean that I no longer have perfectly natural sexual desires that do not always co-incide with her? No, it would just mean I didn't have the visual means to aid in that any more.

A partnership should be based on trust and understanding, Mine have been and this issue was NOT a problem; quite the opposite in fact.

If he has been deceving you, that is one thing, but in my opinion the idea that you are not enough for him because he likes porn is entirely nonsensical. I agree wholeheartedly with ToMacco.