Originally posted by XanatosForever
Now then, continued from the conception thread, I had some vague ideas to get things moving in the Titans' role play, but I was never really able to communicate with starry about it.If she's really looking to pass the mantle, I'll take up stewardship. I have plans to motivate all ongoing role plays in this forum, actually, but until I take stock of what's worth continuing, I'll not implement it.
To focus on one, at least, if Titans is to continue, the best chance is another time skip. In my opinion, that is.
It's awesome that you're taking initiative on this. Let me just say that I don't see the necessity in another time skip. We're actually at a fairly solid point from which we can continue. I'd rather not rush into my character's future without knowing what things are like for him and everyone.
Since you said it isn't a big one, I'm all for another time skip. Albeit, I don't want to have to take one another villain just yet. I think it would do some good to flesh our characters out a little to see who's who and whatnot. Then again, my character isn't actually a Titan. So he wouldst have to fight. Either way, I'm down.
Originally posted by The Big O
Since you said it isn't a big one, I'm all for another time skip. Albeit, I don't want to have to take one another villain just yet. I think it would do some good to flesh our characters out a little to see who's who and whatnot. Then again, my character isn't actually a Titan. So he wouldst have to fight. Either way, I'm down.
That was kinda the reason I was against an immediate skip. We're in the middle of a mission. We should at the very least get that out of the way. I'd just rather develop our way into it, though.
That's what I'm saying. I'd rather not leave anything unexplained. Especially since we can clear the aftermath segment in such little time. It's easy enough that it essentially renders a skip unnecessary. If we're to continue discussing this, we should move to our OOC thread.
As for you, Starry, I hope you don't feel pressured by any of us. If so, I do apologize.
So, obviously the Teen Titans has good interest. I'm looking to see who else will reprise roles in other RPs that were active fairly recently.
The list is as follows:
The Unforgiven
The Law of Oaths
Hazmat: The Delta Contagion
.hack://RE:boot
The Unforgiven was the most recently active, and while it looks like Kin and Pheo have bailed on KMC, he at least left the state of the RP open, so it's a lot easier to move the story along without him.
Oaths is fairly inactive, so it's more a personal preference, but I would like to get it going again. I'm rather attached to the characters I made for that setting, and I'm fairly positive at least one good story arc can come from following one of the three main villains that popped up there.
Hazmat has been inactive for a while, as well, but I have been in contact with Jedireaper about bringing it back up to speed. As one of the few sci-fi/horror oriented RPs on the board, it'd be nice to have it up for some variety.
.hack was really Pheo's baby, but if anyone was looking into it, I can see what I can do about moving it along.
I can get in touch with both Pheo and Kin outside of KMC, but I get the feeling they're too involved with other things to really care about this place anymore. A shame, but that's life I guess.
Originally posted by XanatosForever
but I get the feeling they're too involved with other things to really care about this place anymore.
Sorry, been dealing with a lot of... personal issues. More than I really care to divulge to anyone right now... Anyway, I'm gonna be gone for a while. Sorry to bail on you guys, but... I need to figure out everything... Do some thinking... I may return soon, or I may not. It all depends on what happens with... Certain things I have going on right now.
Anyway, good luck to you all with everything, and I'll be... In touch, I guess?
Originally posted by iKinneas
Sorry, been dealing with a lot of... personal issues. More than I really care to divulge to anyone right now... Anyway, I'm gonna be gone for a while. Sorry to bail on you guys, but... I need to figure out everything... Do some thinking... I may return soon, or I may not. It all depends on what happens with... Certain things I have going on right now.Anyway, good luck to you all with everything, and I'll be... In touch, I guess?
Was never meant to be a shot at you, Kin. Gods know I've done my share of vanishing acts. If you need to take the time to focus on yourself, do it. I'll be rooting for some good things going your way, and you know we'll be here if you ever make it back.
A quick check-in, more or less. I'm sure a few of you have noticed me briefly lurking here or there, and if not... I'm also not too surprised. Anyway, there're a lot of big changes going on with my end of the world right now. I've recently moved into a new place, my little sister's left for college... And I feel like the harder I try to bring myself to check in with anyone, the harder it's becoming. I'm not sure what exactly is going on with me, but... Those of you who're religious, pray. If you're not religious, send me some positive energy. Something... Because I have grown fearful of myself. I'm afraid of what's going on in my head. I'm afraid of the fact that no matter what I do, I'm always irritable, always in pain... Almost always sick. I rarely leave bed, anymore. Not because I'm unable for any physical means, but... More because there's like a mental block there, and I just can't bring myself to get up and drag my ass from the bed. I don't think it's depression. I've been fighting depression for way too long for it to hit me this hard out of the blue. Then again, it makes sense, I suppose. I don't know, honestly. Anyway, just... Thought I'd check in, let everyone know that I'm still around, but... Not. If that makes sense.
I guess what I'm getting at is, I'm fighting a lot of my own personal demons right this moment in a veritable gauntlet. As soon as I figure out how to solve one problem, six more replace it. And I'm just... Out of energy. I'm out of patience. I'm out of... I don't know... I just don't feel like I've got the give-a-damn that I used to have. And that, also, scares the absolute Hell out of me.
Sorry this has kinda turned into a rant, but... Guess I've been letting all of this sit on me for a while, now, and once I started, it just all started flooding out. So I'm gonna let it, either until I'm done, or until I hit post limit. Whatever comes first. Anyone doesn't want a full update, feel free to ignore me... Gods know it wouldn't be the first time I've ever been overlooked, and it won't be the last.
You guys know the scariest part of all this? A little part of me, as of late, has been really questioning a lot of... Well, a lot of things that I really don't think it's healthy for me to be questioning. I've been wondering the most, I suppose, about what your mind comprehends after death. Does it simply cease to work altogether? Do we move on to some form of afterlife? Do we resurrect? Or do our minds continue to live on, even though our bodies are dead and gone? How would we ever find these things out, lest someone toyed with these notions, and performed some form of experimentation, as it were, to find said answers?
And then, my mind will skip to something as trivial as "What kind of sandwich am I going to make for lunch, turkey or ham?"
I've woken up in a cold sweat on more occasions than I care to admit in the last week (not since I've been gone... In the last week...) unable to think clearly, and barely able to breathe. Cold sweat, uncontrollable tears, complete and utter breakdown... And then, back to sleep. And once I wake the second time, it's as if the whole breakdown never happened.
I have dreams, nightly, of people I care for (keep in mind... I don't find myself particularly fond of people as a whole, so you can imagine the attachment I feel to what few people I actually do care about...) dying. Not something as simple as "Oh, she lived out her full life, and died happy." Or, "Oh, well, that was something that no one could have saved that person from."
No. More from either something I could stop, but for some reason was unable to, or... A decision I made incorrectly... Or... Hell, a time or two, by my own hand. That's when it scares me the most. I wake up, and realize that in the dream I just had, that my sister or my girlfriend, or even my cousin, just died at my hands in a dream. Accidental or not, that one... Usually warrants a breakdown.
I think I need to see a shrink, because it's gotten to the point that it literally has me subconsciously pushing myself away from everyone... And I don't like that. I don't want to push myself away, because I've worked so goddamn hard to build those relationships, or to become friends with those people, or...
I digress. So you all know, I'll be a while coming back, unless I can get my mind back in order any time soon.
Thank you, to anyone who took the time to read this, or even to glance over it. Not that it may help much, but... I feel a little better, now, having let some of this go. Maybe... Maybe soon, I'll feel like I can trust myself to sleep again... Maybe tomorrow. Tonight still doesn't feel too promising...
I really wish that I wasn't so f*cked in the head... That I didn't sit and deal with these things, as trivial as they may sound to some people, and let them completely govern every move that I make... But they do, somehow. Maybe it is my depression, to some degree. Then again... Maybe I'll never know.
I'm not going to lie and pretend that I'm stronger than this. I'm not going to lie and say that there's anything I can think of that would help, or that would make me able to just let it all go... Or even to distract me momentarily. I'm not going to pretend that I'm not scared beyond the point of being terrified of what the future holds. Because, let's face it... I thought I'd be gone a few days, maybe a couple weeks? It's been (aside from the last check-in) what, a few months, now?
Something isn't right. Something is tearing me apart from the inside out. And I just... Can't fight it anymore. I don't have it in me. What is there left to fight? Every time I manage to get one up on my subconscious mind, it seems like it pulls six more tricks out of nowhere and scares me away from it.
I just want it all to end... I just want... the insanity... to end... To stop for even a few hours... I want to be the way I was, again. I want to be normal, or as close as I ever was. I want these thoughts and dreams and nightmarish visions to stop... I just... I want... Everything to stop...
I will DEFINITELY pray for you, Kin. Things can totally seem bigger than us and it does help to talk about your problems sometimes. I personally believe you need to get some professional help before you do something you can't take back. I've seen and heard all this before.
I have a friend who said he was feeling some of the very same things and he would often toy with the idea of suicide. I have to constantly check on limbo make sure he's okay because he WON'T seek professional help.
But I also want to put out there: have you tried to seek out a higher power for guidance? I don't know your personal beliefs or anything, but considering the way you're feeling and the things going through your head, what harm could it to seek some spiritual assistance.
The thing with depression is that it DOES come out of nowhere. You can.be totally fine one second and the next, life just totally sucks donkey balls and you don't know why.
Depression isn't a rational thing. There is no rhyme or reason to it. And it makes you feel things you normally wouldn't feel if you were happy or active or excited about something. That's why you always feel worse when you're alone. That's why you can't get out of bed sometimes. Its the depression that's keeping you there and warping your outlook on things.
You have to do something before something happens. Too many people let it go on for too long. And when that happens, they are pretty much a lost cause because nothing anyone says to or does for them could help short of praying.
I'm BEGGING you to seek professional help, Kin. And then I'm asking you to seek some spiritual guidance. Read a Bible. Go to church. Or at the very least, pray. Whatever you do, just DON'T give up.
You have a family, a girlfriend and friends who love you too much for you to do anything reckless or permanent and NOT get the help you know you need and want.
I'll pray for you too iKinn. I know the feeling of wanting to stop the pain at any means and the struggle of just waking up in the morning to find nothing has changed, just try to take it one day at a time. I just want to say I do believe in God and I hate to try to force my religion, however even if you don't believe in God, a church has great community and and people who would actually care for a stranger. I would recommend trying one out with an open mind. Even the most broken of us can be restored once again, at least that"s what I chose to believe.
I give my regards to you and hope you find the answers to the problems your having I have been in these situations before and your right it comes out of nowhere and b***hslaps us. I give you my positive energy and hope things work well for you. I usually suggest meditation to clear your mind and free yourself at least for a few minutes to a few hours its helped me when i've felt this way and hopefully this helps you as well again i send my positive energy and hope everything goes well for you