Well, Jack is off and about and Will and Elizabeth have brought home their baby.
(Will and Elizabeth are relaxing in the living room. Suddenly we hear things banging together)
Elizabeth: (hinting) Will?
Will: What?
Elizabeth: I just nursed Rosalie, so if you could...(bobs her head towards the upstairs)
Will: Ah, sure thing.
(We enter Junior's room. He has a Hot Wheels track set up all around his room)
Will: Hey, keep it down. The baby's sleeping.
Junior: Oh. (quiets down) What am I supposed to do then?
Will: I don't know. We could go outside and play if you want.
Junior: Okay!
(Outside, they are throwing a ball back and forth)
Junior: Dad, I like the baby and all, but there's not as much to do anymore. Do you know any games or anything? Like stuff you did when you were a kid?
FLASHBACK
(It is raining and young Will is doing push ups in the mud)
Mr. Brown: (drunken and spraying him with a hose) You're not cut out for this, Turner! If I can't make you quit, I'll just fire you.
Younger Will: No, no, don't do it!
Mr. Brown: Forget it, Turner! You're out.
Younger Will: Don't you do it! I got nowhere else to go!!! I got nowhere else to go!!!
FLASHBACK ENDS
Will: Wait, that was Officer and a Gentleman. Okay, I see the clothes line is up. Here's what we'll do.
(Cut to Barbossa walking down the street to their house. He has a line of children behind him)
Barbossa: Stop followin' me, ye scurvy whelps! For the last time, I ain't no Santa Claus of the sea!
(The kids just look at him adoringly and pull on his coat)
Barbossa: I ain't cuddly! I don't care what Junior told you!
(Suddenly, a water balloon splatters all over him. The kids squeal and run away)
Barbossa: (draws sword) Where'd that come from? Show yourself! Jack, if this is you...
(Another water balloon soaks him)
(We cut to Will and Junior. They are using the clothes line as a sling shot and are flinging water balloons. Barbossa comes running into the yard)
Barbossa: Thought I was unarmed, did ye? You thought wrong! (From out of his pocket, he somehow draws out a full Nerf bow and quiver of arrows. The arrows have flaming marshmallows on them. He starts firing)
Will: Duck and cover!
(Inside, Elizabeth sees them in the window)
Elizabeth: Heh heh heh, time for Mum to get in on this.
(The water/marshmallow fight continues, the backyard a battle zone.)
Barbossa: Looks like you're down to your last water balloons, gentlemen.
(A diaper drops on him)
Elizabeth: (from the window) Thought maternity leave would give you free reign, Barbossa? (drops another diaper) Well, say hello to tar-like newborn poo!
Barbossa: Me eyes!
Junior: Cool! (coming out of his hiding spot.)
Will: (pulls him back) Don't be a fool! You don't want one of those to hit you.
(James and Sailor cut across some yards.)
James: Hi, Will! Barbossa! What seems...quick! (grabs Sailor and they fall into a ditch)
Sailor: Hey!
James: You'll thank me later. This way, we're just in water, no marshmallows or poo.
Sailor: Poo?
James: (the lighting changes so a shadow falls across his face. His eyes look haunted) I love the smell of baby poo in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed, for 12 hours. When it was all over, I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like... victory. Someday this war's gonna end...
Sailor: If you want to join in, I'll come to. (shows him a superball she had in her pocket)
James: I love you more and more! (springs up and screams)
(They both run forward and hurl the superball. Everyone dodges it. It bounces off a diaper, off the swingset, and back into the ditch)
Elizabeth: Whow, that was a close one. Family head count! One...(waits for Will and Junior) I said one! Okay, Rosalie will be two. Two! (waits) Oh my gosh! My family's been cut in half!
Will: If we answer, that will give away our positon. Oops.
(Barbossa resumes arrow firing. The entire chaos begins again)