POTC... continued

It is a few days later at the Turner house.

Elizabeth: Ah, my maternity leave is almost over already. It was fun being so domestic for a while. (hands Will and Junior bagged lunches)

Will: (kisses her cheek) Soon you'll be back out pillaging and, oh, how does it go? Being devils and black sheep and really bad eggs.

Junior: Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

Elizabeth: You behave at school. And you (to Will) try to make those after-school specials a little cooler. I think people are starting to see them as a joke.

Will: They are until my next book. See you this afternoon!

(Elizabeth closes the door and goes back into the house. She puts a dvd in her player. We hear Richard Simmons' voice shout, "Who's ready to SHAKE it?" Walking in place, she begins her aerobics tape. There is a knock at the door.)

Elizabeth: Haven't even broken a sweat yet. (goes to the door)

(Jack is completely wasted and has a bottle in his hand)

Elizabeth: Jack! It's a little early, even for you.

Jack: (drunk) Lizzie! You wouldn't believe how I came upon me last treasure! (chugs the bottle) You wouldn't believe how BAD beer tastes compared to rum.

Elizabeth: Get inside before somebody sees you! (pulls him inside. Of course he's staggering drunk) How many have you had?

Jack: 49, all gorgeous women talented in their own ways! (hiccups) Oh beers! Uh....see, there I was, on the Pearl by me lonesome when...

Elizabeth: By your lonesome? Where was Katie? She was so excited about going with you.

Jack: (suddenly emotional) Katie! That wench who thinks she can fight werewolves? She took off in one of the longboats.

Elizabeth: Jack, what's going on? The two of you had a fight?

Jack: (suddenly angry) You want to be next? Put 'em up. I'm not afraid of fighting girls, especially ones what normally wield swords.

Elizabeth: Why did she get mad at you?

Jack: I don't know. Hey, (tugs on her sleeve) go get me a beer?

Elizabeth: I'm getting you some coffee instead. (goes into the kitchen)

Jack: (sneaks another beer from under the couch) Thank Heaven for stashes! (sees Elizabeth come back) You know, it's times like these that I'm glad I'm not an old married man.

Elizabeth: (sits next to him) Oh my gosh! That's probably what it was! Katie probably thought you were going to propose! Oh she must be heartbroken. Maybe you should go talk to Will.

Jack: (puts arm around her) I'll let you in on a little secret, love: Will's a girl.

Elizabeth: (gets up) Fine. You'll stay here and sleep it off. (goes into the den)

Cut to...the den.

(Elizabeth is doing her aerobics in the den. Jack staggers in)

Jack: (still drunk) I've made up my mind about Katie...I'm gonna marry her! I'm going to get me-self a ball and chain (staggers back out to the living room)

Elizabeth: At least that's all over.

A few minutes later.

Jack: (comes back into the den) So, I've made up my mind about Katie: she can just go back to that sorry sot in The Aviator! She was all snuggly and such with him!

Elizabeth: Leonardo DiCaprio's gay, Jack.

Jack: Bugger (goes back out again)

Minutes later.

(Elizabeth is breathing a little harder after her workout. She checks on the baby and then goes into the kitchen. She fixes herself a sandwich and takes it into the living room. Jack is passed out.)

Elizabeth: Familiar sight. I think lunch on the patio sounds romantic. (gets her phone) Sailor? Want to do lunch?

Dun dun dun!

[That's really neat how it's a whole thing on Jack's own selfishness. Blah. That gave me some ideas for my own thinking now.]

LMBO!!! 😄 😄 😄

Two parts almost reduced me to tears, hehehe

>Elizabeth: Leonardo DiCaprio's gay, Jack.
>Jack: Bugger (goes back out again)

>Jack: (puts arm around her) I'll let you in on a little secret, love: Will's a girl.

^^^ LOVE IT!! ROFL!! 😄 😄 😄

Great Job! Brava! Encore!! 😄 😄

willo!!!! that was absolutely bloody fantastic!!!!

the same parts savvy said had me in tears...lmao

(Will and Elizabeth decide to meddle. They are with Jack and Katie at a very fancy restaurant)

Will: So, I hear their wine list is just out of this world. What should I order? Merlot? Chardonnay?

Katie: (seated across from Jack but not looking at him) Just get us some whiskey and leave the bottle.

Jack: See, that's one of the reasons I like you. (she ignores him) Right. So, any Oscar predictions?

Elizabeth: (to herself) I used to look so good in this dress. (back to attention) Oh! Yes, um, well, I think Ratatouille has it in the bag. (looks at Will)

Will: You know what else is in the bag, Elizabeth? True love. (looks at Jack and Katie)

Jack: Are you undressing me with your eyes, William?

Will: (see the waiter comes) Ah! If you could bring us some more bread, please.

Waiter: Wait a moment, sir. You're Will Turner! I saw your after-school specials. They're hilarious!

Will: Oh well, (miffed) that's not really their point...

Waiter: Could I get a picture of everyone? My wife will never believe this.

Katie: (losing her patience) Oh, so, just to clarify, by "wife" you mean the woman you dated for a long time and fell in love with, leading you to make the natural conclusion that you didn't want to be apart from her?

Waiter: Uh.......a little closer in, Ms. Beckinsale. (Katie scoots in next to Elizabeth) Say "Sea turtles." (none of them say it) Perfect! More bread, right away.

Jack: (sitting back down) You know what I noticed about our sorry friend bestowing us with refreshment? He seems quite put-upon, almost regretful about decisions he may or may not have made in the past.

Elizabeth: Uh, Jack, is this really the tone we want to have during dinner?

Jack: Certainly, love, what's a little open and honest conversation amongst friends...and Will.

Will: (takes a drink) Yep. You and honesty together are about as likely as you and Katie staying together. (he reacts as if kicked under the table) What I meant was...meh. (takes another drink)

Katie: Will, don't be so passive aggressive. (to Jack) And YOU. I will take my own advice when it comes to you.

Waiter: Are we ready to order?

Jack: Somebody's ready to make some orders...

Katie: Do you have any idea how exasperating you are? I have to push and push just for you to talk about how you feel and excuse me for thinking that after all this time you'd propose.

(Elizabeth puts some bread in her mouth and watches as if she's watching a play. Will pours himself more wine)

Jack: That's YOUR own fault for making assumptions. When you think about, what do you have to complain about? I wanted you with me, we went out on the Pearl and had a great time and unearthed a treasure in that weird place full of short creatures.

Katie: Hobbits.

Jack: Hobbits. Why can't you just be happy?

(Katie storms out. Jack starts to leave, then circles back and pockets some of the bread. Then he leaves)

Elizabeth: Those two...why doesn't Jack just marry her?

Will: (drunk) You know who he would look really cute with? That girl with the bad hair he gave the compass to.

Elizabeth: (sighing) You mean me?

Will: Whatever. (starts drunken laughing) You know what we should do? Let's have the rest of this conversation in Morse Code! (starts tapping the table)

Later that night...

(Will is sobering up, taking it easy. Jack comes into the living room and sits next to him)

Will: How did you get in here?

Jack: You left the door unlocked. one of you is hung over and the other is fast asleep after nursing a baby. It's not that hard.

(they sit)

Jack: What's on?

Will: Uh, (starts flipping through) the yellow people.

Jack: Simpsons? When are you going to get caught up with those 10 years you missed? They've only been on for the last 20 years or so.

Will: (looks at him) Oh, I see. It's harrass the married father of two. (sees Jack looks upset) So...have you made a decision about Katie?

Jack: Oh, I've made a decision.

(Elizabeth comes down the stairs)

Elizabeth: I thought I heard a sound and remembered we left the door un......(sees Jack) Oh. Bonding?

Will and Jack: No!

Elizabeth: Uh huh. (sees what they're watching) I'm going to go back to bed. By the way, Mr. Burns gets shot.

Will: (shocked) WHAT?

Jack: It's not that bad, William. It turns out it was the baby.

Will: (more shocked) WHAT?

Hmm, so what decision was made? What does this mean? Where has everyone else been? Find out soon!

Originally posted by potcfan2003
Will and Elizabeth take Junior to the mall. It's a nice family outing. He's run ahead to play in the plastic tunnels)

Will: Elizabeth, do you ever get the feeling our home gets invaded by our friends sometimes?

Elizabeth: Welcome to what my life's been for the 10 years you were gone.

Will: It's not that I want to disassociate from them. I like Barbossa and Jack and I go way back and they're both so good to Junior, but they need to, um...

Elizabeth: Get lives?

Will: I was going to say get women.

Elizabeth: Will, I've tried fixing them up on numerous occasions. Barbossa is just a disgusting old man and Jack, well, he's very picky.

Will: Okay, I say we make another effort.

(Later that night.)

Barbossa: (enters the house and is greeted by the Turners) I brought some extra popcorn. I've been waiting a long time to see Waiting to Exhale.

Elizabeth: Glad you could make it. (Jack is behind. She gives him a kiss on the cheek) Jack! I was beginning to think this wasn't your kind of movie.

Jack: You promised me boobs. (sees Junior) Ah! Popcorn! This is going to be one swell movie.

Junior: You didn't tell them yet, Daddy?

Jack: Tell us what, DADDY?

Will: We're going to have some guests at movie night this week. It sort of explains why we picked a chick flick since Elizabeth and I both prefer shoot 'em ups.

(Meryl Streep and Kate Beckinsale come through the kitchen)

Meryl: You know, I was just saying to Jeremy, because I've been in a movie with Jeremy Irons, that the Turners house is nicer than any in Martha's Vineyard.

Kate: Do you have to drop names all the time? (sees Jack) Wow.

Will: Miss Streep and Miss Beckinsale [note: in this universe, both are single], I'd like you to meet Captains Hector Barbossa and Jack Sparrow.

Elizabeth: Will! How do you know them?

Will: Let's just say Meryl's a bad sailor and I made a deal with her in case we needed her in a situation like this.

Elizabeth: (pushing through Barbossa and Jack) Oh my gosh! I'm such a big fan of Underworld, Miss Beckinsale. You are a great female action star. And Miss Streep, I went to go see The Devil Wears Prada with a friend, and even though my friend thought you were the same lady from 101 Dalmatians, I knew you weren't!

Meryl: Uh, great. (to Barbossa) So, have you seen this movie?

Barbossa: Huh? Oh yeah, movie night.

(Kate is a little more ballsy and sits across Jack's lap. He seems to like it.)

Jack: I don't suppose you've been in a few fights? (hopeful that she has been)

Kate: I fight werewolves and mean vampires who cross me.

Jack: How long is this movie?

Kate: I don't know. Probably 2 hours.

Jack: Ah. Well, I can hold off. (puts arm around her)

(Will and Elizabeth snuggle on the couch. The smile at each other.)

Will: So...I'm going to turn out the lights. Nudge nudge.

Elizabeth: Will... (waits for him to look at her) Act cool, please.

"Let's have the rest of this conversation in Morse Code! (starts tapping the table)" ROTFLMAO!! Brilliant willo!! i've been waiting for will to get drunk... dont know why...

lmao!!! willo!!! i absolutely loved it!!!!

when i saw the simpsons, im like "hey!!!" lol

ROFL!

Morse Code!

Simpsons!

Will drunk!

YAY!

lol! yellow people

hahahah fantastic! 🙂

All right. I've decided I'll eventually post these and the after-school specials on fanfiction.net, so don't tear up because the last few episodes are coming up.

POTC Continued: Series Finale Part 1

(It is the following day. Elizabeth bursts through the door in tears)

Will: What happened?

Elizabeth: Will! (collapses into his arms) They want a vote on who should be the pirate king! They think I've gone soft!

Will: (holds her) There, there. Elizabeth, you are the most ruthless pirate I know. Why, how many times have you screwed someone over to achieve your goals?

Elizabeth: (in tears) You always know how to make me feel better! (cries in his arms)

Barbossa: (enters) Not lookin' good for ye, miss. That Captain Jocard is campaigning hard against ye.

Will: Did you mention Elizabeth's experience? She's been the king for years.

Junior: And there was that time Mom managed to take over all of Guam without firing a shot.

Will: When did that happen?

Elizabeth: Oh, it sounds more impressive than it was. Barbossa, can't you help me campaign some?

Barbossa: Well ahead of ye, Mrs. Turner. (holds up signs that say "Live with Liz or Die"😉

Elizabeth: Good enough. We'll get onto posting these.

CUT To...Shipwreck City.

(Will comes out of filming one of his specials. He gets in the car and speaks over a loudspeaker)

Will: Vote for Elizabeth Turner! She can withstand drowning, tight corsets, and the late Sao Feng's really sharp nails!

Jack: (runs up to the car and bangs on the window) Give me a ride! Open the door!

Will: (rolls down window) Jack! What are you doing? I'm trying to save Elizabeth's job.

Jack: And that's completely wonderful and romantic, but I need a ride. (gets in anyway) We have to get to Hollywood now.

Will: Why?

Jack: Katie's left to go back to Hollywood and I'm chasing her down. I'll make it worth your while. Look what I have. (hands him a manuscript)

Will: "Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl." What is this?

Jack: It's a screenplay. I've put it under the aliases of Ted Elliot and Terry Russo. They're going to make a movie about our lives!

Will: About how we got you back the Pearl?

Jack: Precisely. You're not nearly as dumb as you look. Now, we deliver this script, you have a movie made of your exploits that publicize Lizzie, and meanwhile, I can get Katie back. Now are you in or out?

(The car speeds off)

CUT TO...the Turner house.

Elizabeth: (on the phone) Oh, Will, that's so exciting! Yes, give Jack my thanks! I can manage here without you for a few days. All right. Bye.

(She begins to go upstairs with the baby when someone starts pounding on the door)

Elizabeth: Who is it?

Voice: Hired thugs.

Elizabeth: Hired thugs? (runs to Junior) Junior, remember when we made you that sword and I said never to use it unless hired thugs came to the door?

Junior: Yeah?

Elizabeth: Hired thugs are at the door. (Junior runs to the closet and pulls out a sword. Elizabeth grabs hers with Rosalie in her other arm. She clears her throat and speaks in a perfectly docile voice) Come on in!

(Hired thugs burst through the door, knocking over lamps and turning over the couch. A massive fight breaks out. Captain Teague crashes through the window on a rope)

Captain Teague: Never fear, Captain Teague is here! (helps her fight)

CUT TO...The Flying Dutchman

Crew member: What's wrong, Captain?

Bootstrap: I have this feeling my family is in trouble.

Crew member: Is this like that feeling when you were having a heart attack and remembered it was in the chest?

Bootstrap: No, this is more intense. We have to get to Shipwreck Cove.

Crew member: (sighs) I'll go get the buckets...

CUT TO...James and Sailor

Sailor: Elizabeth's going to be so grateful we're taping up these flyers for her. (they are taping flyers to pizza boxes at Shipwreck City's Papa John's)

James: Indeed. I wonder who invented pizza.

Sailor: The Italians.

James: I don't think that's right.

Sailor: I do.

James: I don't. (They suddenly start embracing) Let's never fight again!

Sailor: (fighting back tears) I'm so glad we're on speaking terms! (kisses him)

(Suddenly, hired thugs burst into Papa John's and start ripping up the flyers)

James: (fuming) You. Tore. Up. My. FLYERS! (draws sword and yells like a madman thrashing at them)

Sailor: James! (a thug takes her from behind. She does a karate move that sends him flying) We have to get to Will and Elizabeth's to make sure they're okay!

(They run out the door and head for the Turner house down the road. They hear glass breaking. They run in. The living room is a mess)

Elizabeth: James! Sailor!

James: Junior.

Junior: Sailor.

Sailor: Captain Teague.

Captain Teague: James.

James: Elizabeth.

Elizabeth: Junior

Sailor: James.

(Fight continues)

CUT TO...on the road to Hollywood.

(Will and Jack have picked up Gibbs)

Will: I feel so guilty for leaving the family at home. I never wanted to be apart from them again.

Jack: Oh get over it. It's for a few days, not a few years. (is the one driving) Bugger! What's with this traffic?

Gibbs: Jack, you're headin' to Hollywood! Don't ya know the horror stories about the road to Hollywood? (waits for him to have their attention) Hollywood appears to be a glamorous place, but it really is a modern Sodom and Gomorrah. The smokers of the canabis leaf have full reign over the entire area, luring tourists into strip clubs and celebrity homes just to mug them or sell them time shares. And if you like meat, well, kiss it goodbye.

Will: What do they eat instead of meat?

Gibbs: Tofu! Lots and lots of tofu! A taste that will never let you be the same again. Rest assured, men, the most meat we'll find is duck.

Jack: I like duck.

Will: Me too.

Gibbs: (sputtering) Well, just you wait. We are pilgrims in an unholy land...

(Jack and Will face the road looking worried)

To be Continued!

I can't even express how hilarious this was.... oh my word.... Gibb's spiel on hollywood--- LMAO!!! Hired thugs at the door!!! Live with Liz or Die!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!

series finally *cries* no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED THIS TO LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *goes into fetal position*

Sailor, it's going to be okay. It's going to live on on fanfiction. Plus I think you'll like how it turns out.

.....will it be sexy and romantic? will it verge on the raunchy? *puppy dog eyes*

Well, it's going to be funny first and foremost. Then it will close some things up as finales should... But there will be tons and TONS of romance and I think you'll be pleased.

ok....*kicks some dirt* i guess so.....

omg, ive never laughed so much in my life..i think.😛 i can just imagine it all happening😛

DITTO!

Live with Liz or die! that would do wonders for the campaign! I might just use the same flyers when i have the chance...

YAY POTC MOVIE!

ROFL! Hired Thugs! Junior's sword!

ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL