Wow. I never updated this thread.
It took a whole 23 days until she told me that she'd been in love with me for a while, just really afraid because of the "bad relationship" she had before. I would never have thought of that. But we're together 8 months and 2 days now.
I returned in a rather insecure moment, because we (the same 'we' that i used to dream of) are in a bit of trouble this time.
We've been in a trusting, loyal and intense relationship in the past months, however we're coming to trouble just like every other relationship I had up to this point, caused by my own weird feelings...
I must confess that I've always had this kink that I needed to be close to my partner, had to know about what she was doing and so on. I've been a sort of a control freak in relationships.
But my girlfriend, the same wonderful girl I talked about a few months ago, cannot live with this. Because of the failed relationship of her parents, she's afraid of any kind of 'control' or anything that comes close to it.
So, at the moment, we're having problems because she feels she can't measure up to a serious relationship. I need help: I want to change my own despicable behaviour, and I want to give her the freedom she needs in a serious relationship.
Once again, KMC, I ask a public forum what to do. Last time, the discussed decision lead to something I would call 'success', and I am really keen on ideas about how to make this be a happy relationship, with my girlfriend being comfortable with it for.. like.. always, if possible.
I could never say how much I actually love her. And I've never been so sure about someone 'fitting' to me. (Let alone her astonishing beauty.)
Originally posted by eezy45
Wow. I never updated this thread.It took a whole 23 days until she told me that she'd been in love with me for a while, just really afraid because of the "bad relationship" she had before. I would never have thought of that. But we're together 8 months and 2 days now.
I returned in a rather insecure moment, because we (the same 'we' that i used to dream of) are in a bit of trouble this time.
We've been in a trusting, loyal and intense relationship in the past months, however we're coming to trouble just like every other relationship I had up to this point, caused by my own weird feelings...
I must confess that I've always had this kink that I needed to be close to my partner, had to know about what she was doing and so on. I've been a sort of a control freak in relationships.
But my girlfriend, the same wonderful girl I talked about a few months ago, cannot live with this. Because of the failed relationship of her parents, she's afraid of any kind of 'control' or anything that comes close to it.So, at the moment, we're having problems because she feels she can't measure up to a serious relationship. I need help: I want to change my own despicable behaviour, and I want to give her the freedom she needs in a serious relationship.
Once again, KMC, I ask a public forum what to do. Last time, the discussed decision lead to something I would call 'success', and I am really keen on ideas about how to make this be a happy relationship, with my girlfriend being comfortable with it for.. like.. always, if possible.
I could never say how much I actually love her. And I've never been so sure about someone 'fitting' to me. (Let alone her astonishing beauty.)
It's rather simple. Don't be controlling. 😐
What you could do is sit down with her, talk to her about your controlling habits, and come up with something like a code word.
If she feels that you are being controlling and unreasonable, she could have a code word that she could use that should immediately disarm you. For instance, she is going on vacation with her female friend to Europe for 2 weeks, but you don't trust her to go, fearing she will be negatively influenced by her sometimes naughty friend. She assures you that she will not, under any circumstance, betray you. You keep telling her no and she really wants to go. Safe word time. You have to let her go.
Now, you should establish the 'safe word' for only very special circumstances or even have her keep a journal of the times you are too controlling and then talk about those moments with her once a week until you start to lighten up. What she writes down is law and cannot be argued with at all. You have to shut the hell up and NOT argue with what she writes down as that is her feelings.
Of course, don't allow her to go into dangerous situations, naively, if you know better. That will have to be a judgment call at the time.
If you didn't notice, there is an underlying "idea" in what I'm telling you. Communication. She needs to tell you when she feels controlled and you need to STFU and listen.
Re: I could definitely need some good advice [warning: thread is FAIL]
Originally posted by eezy45his penis is bigger then yours, obviously
Hey guys.This thread has never been created, and I never really came to this forum to be emo and whine about my shitty situation. Never EVER comment this one.
I guess it's better to not be taken serious on this one. But I am really interested in what advice internet forums give me.
Imagine the following..
See, there's this girl. Not some girl you'd accidently meet, I mean the most beautiful girl you could imagine. You get to know her when she is still suffering from her ex boyfriend, and you talk to her a lot and help her and stuff. You fall in love with her, but because you're not stupid, you don't say a word, times are bad. This all evolves.. She makes you happy for months, although you know you can't reach her the way you want to. You grow really close and everything, she regularly sleeps at yours ... Then finally, after like half a year, she has finally overcome the sucker that treated her bad, but you have a problem: She calls you her best friend, the most important person in the world, but she wouldn't even think about.. you know, a relationship or anything.
Sometimes, even sexual things 'happen', but you just can't tell her anything, afraid of destroying the trust and the closeness and all the things you share. She talks about the freedom she just gained again. Of course you wouldn't want to take it from her. She says that she is happy to be able and go out again and having fun with guys. This hurts you a little, because you actually wouldn't want to share. You've been a little bit obvious, she might have thought about you being in love with her, but because you say nothing at all, she doesn't really care a lot about that.Youre possibilities are:
-Hoping that this ends in a happy relationship or at least in her noticing your loving, and not being deterred at all. (lol?)
-Telling her - and hoping that this doesn't mean that everything you do together become sort of distanced, artificial, because she doesn't want to hurt you... Maybe even hoping that she might after all be interested in you.. But actually knowing that you can forget it and you're living a ****ing dream.What would you do?
Of course, I'm asking for a friend, bitches.
I bet 90% of you grow tired of the amout of text 😂
realistically. you have no choice but to tell her. living in a lie is not healthy. maybe it will work better in the future, maybe, not at all. you cant know. if things arent unstable with her. let her know. but also be VERY ready to have you heart broken. when people say "life's a gamble" they usually forget to add that most gamblers LOSE. but yea, nuthing u can do other than let it out and hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
Originally posted by dadudemon
It's rather simple. Don't be controlling. 😐What you could do is sit down with her, talk to her about your controlling habits, and come up with something like a code word.
If she feels that you are being controlling and unreasonable, she could have a code word that she could use that should immediately disarm you. For instance, she is going on vacation with her female friend to Europe for 2 weeks, but you don't trust her to go, fearing she will be negatively influenced by her sometimes naughty friend. She assures you that she will not, under any circumstance, betray you. You keep telling her no and she really wants to go. Safe word time. You have to let her go.
Now, you should establish the 'safe word' for only very special circumstances or even have her keep a journal of the times you are too controlling and then talk about those moments with her once a week until you start to lighten up. What she writes down is law and cannot be argued with at all. You have to shut the hell up and NOT argue with what she writes down as that is her feelings.
Of course, don't allow her to go into dangerous situations, naively, if you know better. That will have to be a judgment call at the time.
If you didn't notice, there is an underlying "idea" in what I'm telling you. Communication. She needs to tell you when she feels controlled and you need to STFU and listen.
you are such a ****ing DORK! the above post makes me question if you have EVER had sex before................. of course..........ur right too 😕
but u still sound like the type whod start a psychology session with telling the client : lets swim in lake "you"
Originally posted by eezy45
Wow. I never updated this thread.It took a whole 23 days until she told me that she'd been in love with me for a while, just really afraid because of the "bad relationship" she had before. I would never have thought of that. But we're together 8 months and 2 days now.
I returned in a rather insecure moment, because we (the same 'we' that i used to dream of) are in a bit of trouble this time.
We've been in a trusting, loyal and intense relationship in the past months, however we're coming to trouble just like every other relationship I had up to this point, caused by my own weird feelings...
I must confess that I've always had this kink that I needed to be close to my partner, had to know about what she was doing and so on. I've been a sort of a control freak in relationships.
But my girlfriend, the same wonderful girl I talked about a few months ago, cannot live with this. Because of the failed relationship of her parents, she's afraid of any kind of 'control' or anything that comes close to it.So, at the moment, we're having problems because she feels she can't measure up to a serious relationship. I need help: I want to change my own despicable behaviour, and I want to give her the freedom she needs in a serious relationship.
Once again, KMC, I ask a public forum what to do. Last time, the discussed decision lead to something I would call 'success', and I am really keen on ideas about how to make this be a happy relationship, with my girlfriend being comfortable with it for.. like.. always, if possible.
I could never say how much I actually love her. And I've never been so sure about someone 'fitting' to me. (Let alone her astonishing beauty.)
Dude....your an idiot.
Originally posted by leonheartmm
you are such a ****ing DORK! the above post makes me question if you have EVER had sex before................. of course..........ur right too 😕but u still sound like the type whod start a psychology session with telling the client : lets swim in lake "you"
🤨
I sure hope you're joking.
What dadu suggested was a healthy and sensible way to deal with that part of eezy's relationship.
Originally posted by leonheartmmyou make no sense. 😛
you are such a ****ing DORK! the above post makes me question if you have EVER had sex before................. of course..........ur right too 😕but u still sound like the type whod start a psychology session with telling the client : lets swim in lake "you"
Originally posted by dadudemon
🤨I sure hope you're joking.
wow, were growing OLD if we cant understand teenage sarcasm anymore. breaking it down, your solution was TOO organised, sensible and clean, sumthing that a jerk in highschool these days wud look at and exclaim "***!" . {just in case u didnt get it, IM the jerk in this situation yelling *** in a slightly more sophisticated way 😛 }. its sarcasm and bigoted humour with undertones of ignored self deprecation.
hey wait, im almost 21, so im old too....................hmmmmmm.