Originally posted by ScribbleI'm a baritone too, you know, sometimes I just wanna sing awesomely and play for Doncaster Rovers and show Louis ****ing Tomlinson how it's ****ing done so he can eat his ****ing heart out. Piece of shit.
Probably, but my screaming vox aren't particularly strong. I'm better at baritone stuff, mostly.
Originally posted by Surtur?? No, literally, this is what my mind is like. It's ****ing awful. Why would I make that up? it's ****ing gross.
Lol you got me. You almost had me, but this post confirms you're just messing around.
Look up intrusive thoughts and images. People with legit OCD have it really bad. I read about some guy who was constantly haunted by the image of them killing a kid, and they couldn't get it out of their mind and had to be institutionalised because it ****ed them up so bad
Originally posted by Blakemore
I'm a baritone too, you know, sometimes I just wanna sing awesomely and play for Doncaster Rovers and show Louis ****ing Tomlinson how it's ****ing done so he can eat his ****ing heart out. Piece of shit.
This is a gay post, it's so gay even Scrib is like "I need to chug a beer and crush it on my forehead to offset this"
Originally posted by ScribbleFor what it's worth, and at the risk of barging into a conversation I'm not a part of and perhaps even of saying something you won't like, I hope you're one of the people who aren't built for it.
I have a novel to finish, and a job to finish. I also have to plan the circumstances, write an extensive suicide note and finalise mixing my last album. I'm too busy to die right now. I also want to see just how shit next year will be. Maybe I'll keep living, as I say, I'm terrified that I won't have the gumption to finish it. Some people are not built for suicide.
Another example, this only started in the past few years, is that every time I pick up (or even see) a metal fork I instantly intensely imagine smashing and grinding my teeth out with it. Almost every meal I eat with a fork is unpleasant because I'm trying to force that image out of my mind. I have a real issue with teeth to begin with.
As for the knife / urethra thing, I literally nearly passed out at work earlier because my mind wouldn't stop visualising it. You don't get how bad these mental conditions can get on a moment-by-moment basis.
Originally posted by Scribble
Another example, this only started in the past few years, is that every time I pick up (or even see) a metal fork I instantly intensely imagine smashing and grinding my teeth out with it. Almost every meal I eat with a fork is unpleasant because I'm trying to force that image out of my mind. I have a real issue with teeth to begin with.As for the knife / urethra thing, I literally nearly passed out at work earlier because my mind wouldn't stop visualising it. You don't get how bad these mental conditions can get on a moment-by-moment basis.
I feel like you could benefit from the right combination of meds.
Originally posted by NemeBroI appreciate that Neme, but that very thought is what terrifies me. I cannot stand the idea of living like this for much longer. It's godawful.
For what it's worth, and at the risk of barging into a conversation I'm not a part of and perhaps even of saying something you won't like, I hope you're one of the people who aren't built for it.
Btw, I will reply in PM soon! I have Dark Souls 3 updates and the like.
Originally posted by Scribble
I appreciate that Neme, but that very thought is what terrifies me. I cannot stand the idea of living like this for much longer. It's godawful.Btw, I will reply in PM soon! I have Dark Souls 3 updates and the like.
Originally posted by SurturI refuse meds. I see no point existing if I have to restructure my brain chemistry just to survive. Life is objectively not that good. I see nothing worth living for, and if I was sane, I'd just get by, but that isn't the case. I am who I am, and that is someone who is born to suffer almost constantly in the most mundane and inane ways possible. I would rather die than take meds and risk becoming a zombie incapable of being creative.
I feel like you could benefit from the right combination of meds.
I just can't relate to most people's infatuation with existence. I think it's kind of pathological and most people only see it that way because they feel they have to. I'm past that. Life is incredibly meaningless and is mostly bad / painful. You can have it all, and lose everything at 60, and be left destitute and alone. Why bother? It's not that good to begin with.
Originally posted by SurturPerhaps, but I'm basically one big psychological mess. I don't see what being gay would do for me. Homosexual males are statistically highly promiscuous and have higher rates of cheating. Why subject myself to further pain? Again, death / non-existence seems like a better and more sensible choice.
It honestly comes off like you fear your gayness