Things Bleach Characters Will Never Say

Post something characters from Bleach would never say in their entire lives.

Ichigo: Damn, I really needed a spontaneous plot device and it didn't happen.

Ikkaku: I'm bald.

Hitsugaya: I'm a gay midget.

Yumichica: I look like a drag queen.

Matsumoto: I think I'll go sober from now on.

Orihime: My cooking sucks!

Yoruichi: Where's my friggin Meow Mix?

Aizen: "I came here with a simple dream. A dream of killing all humans. And this is how it must end? "

Orihime: "Damn it, Ichigo! Shut up and kiss me!"

dug the futurama-ness

Ichigo: "Hey Byakuya, wanna see my "Bankai"?"

B: "That's your Bankai? But it's so small"

Ichi: "Hey it's not the size that matters, it' how you use it!"

Oh wait they pretty much DID say that. 😬

Soi Fon: "Yoruichi-sama would you like to be my valentine?"

Yoruichi: "Sure. I always thought of you as an interesting boyfriend."

Soi Fon: "I'm a woman!"

Yoruichi: "Oh...Well...This is awkward."

Aizen: Hey Gin, I've been meaning to ask you, why do you squint all the time?

Gin: Well sir...

In Gin's childhood
Hitsugaya: Hey Gin, I dare you to put glue on your eyelids.

Gin: 'Kay.

Back in the present
Gin: And that's why I look squinty. I'm even lucky that I can see a little but sometimes I don't.

Aizen: Can you see now?

Gin: No.

Aizen: *kicks Gin in the groin*

Gin: Ow...

Aizen: Dumbass.

I got this from Aqua Teen Hunger Force(handbanana)

Orihime: Tonight you!

Ichigo: Uhh...

Orihime: I'm gonna rape you!

Ichigo: Oh God no!

Kon: Nee-san, cover up more. Please.

Byakuya: HA!

Hitsugaya: That's it! I'm going to do something about Kurosaki not calling me CAPTAIN Hitsugaya!
Matsumoto: Sir there's... there's nothing you can do about it.
Hitsugaya: ...I... I guess you're right. I guess I'll just have to develop a sense of humour...

Yammy: Ulquiorra! What does the scouter say about his spiritual pressure?!
Ulquiorra: IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAND!
Yammy: WHAT, NINE THOUSAND?!
(Couldn't resist on the last one. Apologies. D=)

Nemu: I'm an emo who has a clown-like soul reaper for a dad. Kill me.

Ichigo: I love you dad.

Captain Commander Genryusai: Good job everyone, I'm proud of you.

Rukia: Shut up nii-sama(Byakuya)

Naota: I was supposed to be a librarian but for some reason I'm a lieutenant. How did this happen?

Nel: I get kicked out of Los Noches, stuck being a kid, and have to hang out with these three stooges for the rest of my life? Screw you, Tite Kubo.

Hitsugaya: Yamammoto, if you give me paperwork one more time, I'm gonna shove them where the sun don't shine. Hear me, you old fart?

Kenpachi Zaraki: I don't want to fight anymore.

Aizen: Wow, I actually did not have a plan for that.

Ichigo: Hey Toshiro...

Hitsugaya: DON'T CALL ME THAT! What do you wnat anyways?

Ichigo: Are you sure you're not a kid?

Hitsugaya: Yes, I'm sure.

Ichigo: So if you deny being a kid, are you going to admit being a midget then?

Hitsugaya: I'm not a midget!

Ichigo: You're small, you say you aren't a kid, and you say you aren't a midget. Look dude, it's either one. Either admit being a sugar craving kindergartner or admit being a dwarf, it's your choice.

Hitsugaya:......................................................................

Originally posted by Endless Mike
Aizen: Wow, I actually did not have a plan for that.

😂

Rukia- Ichigo I've been sleeping in your bedroom for a while now let's skip school tomorrow, get really drunk and do it!

Ichigo- Think we can get Inoue in this!

Rukia- Sure!

10 mins later Inoue runs in panting.

Inoue- Lets do it!