Do we need to love, or be loved?

This is more of a question of romantic love, and not the love that most of us get from our parents or other family members. During the course of my life, I have seen serial daters, and those who date as many people as possible out of conquest, or to fill some dark void in their existence, people who have been together since high school, and are now elderly. I'm sure that I've nearly seen it all.

My question is this; can we live an entire lifetime without love, or are we too weak physically, mentally or spiritually to go it alone until the day we die? What are the consequences of being alone for prolonged periods (years), and why are so many people alone in a world filled with so many others?

Comments.

No.

It is nice when we do love or feel loved. I know I love it.

Originally posted by Stoic
My question is this; can we live an entire lifetime without love...

...or are we too weak physically, mentally or spiritually to go it alone until the day we die?

What are the consequences of being alone for prolonged periods (years)...

...and why are so many people alone in a world filled with so many others?

I have learned to be without regret and beautiful.

-Wang

I believe you need to be be loved. But Love is such a broad term.

I believe being loved can be broken down to recognition but on a deeper scale.
People who live alone for instance will dwell in their own heads and sooner or later it usually ends with negative results.
Those who have people in their lives have inspiring influences. Wether positive or harmful they keep a person grounded.

But to have a person in your life who would dedicate themselves to you. To have them know your traits and habits. To promote growth positively is a great thing.

But even greater is finding a person who you are absolutely smitten with love you as much as you love them. It's the most amazing feeling in the world. But the odds are stacked.

Do we need love? Yes. But true love? No.

Originally posted by Wang owns you5
I have learned to be without regret and beautiful.

-Wang

Human beings need companionship. They worried about that when they began experiments to send men into space - how long could people last by themselves without going completely crazy?

That's just part of being human, I think there can be substitutes, but they don't last forever. I know someone who lives alone in an apartment with a dog, and she's very cheerful all the time. Most of us are socialized as tiny children, some people can cut themselves off, but they live with a lower quality of life [I've noticed.]

Originally posted by Mindship
Generally I would say yes because many compensate with family love, loving a pet, losing oneself in work, a hobby, a fetish, etc. But as a rule, human beings operate best with romantic love at some point in their lives. Lonliness is the one wound time does not heal. If a person does not adapt, he/she dies inside.

I don't see needing love as a weakness at all (at least, no more a "weakness" than needing food or air). To love means to grow; it facilitates maturity and wisdom. Any kind of love, and certainly romantic love, gets you out of your self-box and connects you to life.

Men become angry snipers; women become bitter assistant principals.

Because we live in a world with excessive emphasis on I/Me; everyone can indulge in their own little self-box. That is not fertile ground for love.

I like the way you think. Most men feel this way, but women are somewhat different. if they might feel the same, they seem to hide it, or play it down to...

Originally posted by ADarksideJedi
It is nice when we do love or feel loved. I know I love it.

I was once told that we were not made to be alone, and that the stresses of being alone would not only cause negative psychological effects on people, but it would also extend into the physical (perhaps he was referring to stress?).

Not everyone needs love but it is certainly a special thing.

Originally posted by jinXed by JaNx
Not everyone needs love but it is certainly a special thing.

It's kind of strange that you say that. There was a study done on children that were regularly held and nurtured as infants vs ones that were not (foster children, and others in similar situations). They found that the ones that were, led more productive lives, and were generally happier people, and the ones that were not, were generally more prone to being morose, depressed, and sociopaths. Many of them were said to also to prone to having suicidal tendencies. Whoops there I go again generalizing.

I've always wondered that if one of the rules of becoming a Priest was that you had to have a spouse, or if they were allowed to marry, would the the number of pedophile incidents decrease?

There's biological/chemical answers to most of the OP's questions, even if the questions are a bit too vague to demand exacting answers. Trying to mystify the proceedings by turning the conversation abstract or spiritual tends to obscure the discussion imo.

Originally posted by Stoic
I've always wondered that if one of the rules of becoming a Priest was that you had to have a spouse, or if they were allowed to marry, would the the number of pedophile incidents decrease?

Technically we could gather the data for this. Plenty of religions allow their spiritual leaders to marry. Not sure anyone ever has bothered to conduct the research though. Would be interesting.

Originally posted by Digi
Technically we could gather the data for this. Plenty of religions allow their spiritual leaders to marry. Not sure anyone ever has bothered to conduct the research though. Would be interesting.

Maybe we do have data on this. I'll look. I'm interested myself.

edit - quick Google search is inconclusive. The protestants don't "shove it under the rug" like the Catholic church does, in all cases. They lack cohesive organization like a mega-church does. So the data appears unreliable.

To answer the question in the title... I believe most of us need to be loved more than feel the need to love another.

Why? Because deep down inside we are all selfish assholes, anybody who denies that is a blatant liar too.

Originally posted by Blinky
To answer the question in the title... I believe most of us need to be loved more than feel the need to love another.

Why? Because deep down inside we are all selfish assholes, anybody who denies that is a blatant liar too.

I agree with that, mostly. However, some people feel the most loved when they can serve others and the others receive it thankfully. Mothers come to mind...

Originally posted by dadudemon
I agree with that, mostly. However, some people feel the most loved when they can serve others and the others receive it thankfully. Mothers come to mind...

Seems like the OP is talking about romantic love (Eros), not motherly love.

Anyways, that's what I was talking about.

Originally posted by Blinky
Seems like the OP is talking about romantic love (Eros), not motherly love.

Anyways, that's what I was talking about.

Well, I wanted to get married because I wanted to take care of someone, shower them with gifts, serve them, and make them happy. Some people are better fulfilled by having someone to love than someone loving them. I think life works best if you take that approach, too.

Originally posted by Blinky
To answer the question in the title... I believe most of us need to be loved more than feel the need to love another.

Why? Because deep down inside we are all selfish assholes, anybody who denies that is a blatant liar too.

Originally posted by Stoic
It's kind of strange that you say that. There was a study done on children that were regularly held and nurtured as infants vs ones that were not (foster children, and others in similar situations). They found that the ones that were, led more productive lives, and were generally happier people, and the ones that were not, were generally more prone to being morose, depressed, and sociopaths. Many of them were said to also to prone to having suicidal tendencies. Whoops there I go again generalizing.

I've always wondered that if one of the rules of becoming a Priest was that you had to have a spouse, or if they were allowed to marry, would the the number of pedophile incidents decrease?

I would be apprehensive, to so quickly, accept the results of that study to mean love is the key to success. I'm sure the environments were quite responsible as well. I don't claim to know all the depths of love. I know it certainly has a profound impact on people and seems to affect people differently.

I'm positive love can help you succeed and even become a driving force for all type of other positive behaviors. I dont think we NEED love though. Success and perseverance can be acquire and maintained by other ways

Originally posted by Stoic
I've always wondered that if one of the rules of becoming a Priest was that you had to have a spouse, or if they were allowed to marry, would the number of pedophile incidents decrease?

Originally posted by Stoic
I like the way you think. Most men feel this way, but women are somewhat different. if they might feel the same, they seem to hide it, or play it down to... No offense to you [b]ADarksideJedi. I just noticed that there are more men that are able to readily admit their feelings than women. Maybe I'm wrong, I probably am, i guess I'm just generalizing, so I'm sorry for this, but the women that I have met would likely all answer the OP in a similar way that you did.

I was once told that we were not made to be alone, and that the stresses of being alone would not only cause negative psychological effects on people, but it would also extend into the physical (perhaps he was referring to stress?). [/B]

None taken. 😉