Edward looked at the girl, yawning, wondering whether she was serious, then decided it wasn't worth worrying about. A hint of cupcake-smell floated to him on the breeze, and he grinned sleepily. Cupcakes make for good naps.
Seriously? No cheering at all? No applause? Calls for an encore? Pats on the head?
Applause is for jesters and speeches. I didn't hear any speech, and, try as you might, you're just not funny. All you did was waste my magick, which I specifically told you NOT to do.
Now, now, Edward, don't be so hard on him.
Yeah, Eddie!
Don't call me that. My name is Edward.
Poor Zephyr went out of his way and tried his best to help, after all.
Yeah, I did! See? How about some gratitude, Eddie-boy?
It's hardly his fault that his best is so unimpressive. It's the thought that counts, in the end.
Yeah! Wait a minute...
Don't you think you ought to be a little nicer to him, dear? He IS your friend, after all. I really don't think it's healthy for you to always--
Wait, you think you could do a better job?
Well, dear, that's not really the topic of this conversation, but, yes, I imagine I could.
What are you going to do, plant-woman? Let them make a web on you? Pshh. The horse snorted, shaking its head.
Why, I'll have you know that if Edward had summoned me instead - not that I blame you, of course, not at all - I would have killed it myself, not a spot of bother.
Wait a second, you think I couldn't handle it? The only reason I didn't finish it off is because walking-stick-man stole my kill.
Of course he did, sweetie.
No, really! I --
Their bickering was finally halted by a bang and sudden heat overhead. Seeing the fiery spider falling towards him, Edward shuffled away to dodge it, yawning. If the explosion that followed was any indication, there were more and more giant spiders around.
All right! I'll prove it to you! Edward, hop on my back, and give me a little more magick. We'll kill all of them, show up explosion-man over there, and be heroes!
Out of the question. You convinced me against my better judgement that I HAD to summon you to prove my worth. It's been proven. There's no reason I have to give you any more magick. And I'm definitely not riding you.
Okay, first of all, we haven't proven anything. We helped against one spider. Is that meaningful? Against one spider, definitely. Against a cluster of spiders? Not really. Second of all, you HAVE to ride me. It'll be fun!
No, it won't. It'll be WORK.
You'll contribute!
I've already contributed by summoning you, there's no need for me to ride you for you to be useful.
You'll look heroic!
Irrelevant.
I've always thought you WOULD look rather dashing astride a noble mount, dear.
Exactly!
And until you find one, why not Zephyr? He has... character, I suppose.
Hey!
I don't need to look heroic. I just have to seem worthwhile, right?
If you don't ride me, it'll look silly. People will wonder why you summoned a horse and didn't ride it.
What people do or do not wonder is none of my concern.
They'll come up and say "Hey Eddie-boy, why didn't you ride that majestic steed you summoned?"
They won't call me Eddie-boy. At least they had better not. Don't call me that. And I really don't care what they say.
They'll come up and INTERRUPT YOUR NAP and say "Hey Eddie-boy, why didn't you ride that majestic steed you summoned?"
... ... ... Damn it.
Zephyr ran past him, and Edward gracefully mounted without the horse needing to slow or stop. His blue cloak began to billow dramatically from the breeze.
... ...Wasn't the wind going the other way a moment ago?
Er...one could say that it was, I suppose. I wouldn't really know.
...Seriously? You're wasting my magick on that? You're officially trying to force me to be heroic. I'll have no part of it.
You DID mount rather gracefully, dearie.
Not helping, Rosetta. Besides, it just happens to be the easiest method to mount a horse.
Yes, dear.
Anyway, you need to be the hero so you can save the world and live happily ever after with cupcake-girl.
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. And I've known you a long time.
Edward heard a call for everyone to stay still, felt Zephyr's amusement at it as he began to gallop around the area, dodging the needles effortlessly as he gathered more and more wind, draining more and more magick.
What exactly do you think you're doing?
Relax, man. I'm just going to use enough to gather a bunch of them together. Then explosion-man or blood-boy or puppy or whoever can do whatever. You don't be the hero, but you do earn your place. Win-win.
Fine. Whatever.
Zephyr reached the middle of the area again as the spiders were paralysed by lightning. With a flick of his tail, he sent huge gusts of wind in four directions, pushing several spiders helplessly into the air.
I don't mean to tell you your business, dear, but weren't you supposed to be gathering them TOGETHER?
I'm not done yet, Rosie.
The gusts changed direction, bringing the spiders high into the air, spiralling closer together. When the spiders were gathered, the wind changed again, bringing them straight down ever so quickly. Finally, they landed in front of Edward with a sickening crunch. Zephyr reared back on his hind legs triumphantly as what was left of several spiders lay twitching.
So help me, I will have my revenge for this. Edward's vision began to blur as his limbs grew tired.
What? I said I would gather them together and people could do whatever. You may notice that they are now together. You may also notice the others will probably not have trouble fighting them now.
Edward snarled, shaking his head to clear his vision. The next time I summon you will be to pull farming implements, you blasted donkey.