Official Quotes Thread

"You miss 100% of the shots your don't take
- Wayne Gretzky
-- Michael Scott"
--- Bardock42

"Abracadabra!
No, you're still a *****."
Melanie Ciccone

"What are our chances?"

"You still don't understand what you're dealing with, do you? Perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility."

"You admire it?"

"I admire its purity. A {...pure...} survivor; unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality. I won't lie to you about your chances; but, you have my sympathy. 🙂"

-Alien

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Robin Williams

"death makes angels of us all and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as ravens claws"

Jim Morrison, Feast of Friends

“In 1936, I first wrote science fiction. It was a long-winded attempt at writing an endless novel...which died. I remember one sentence, "Whole forests stood sere and brown in midsummer".”
--Isaac Asimov

"Little one, I'd like to see anyone - Prophet, King or God - persuade a thousand cats to do anything at the same time."

"Mister McGee, dont make me angry. You wouldnt like me when i'm angry."
--Dr. David Banner

"And what do I get for my pain? Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game."

"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best."
-Woody Allen

Here last week they found this couple out in California. They rent out rooms for old people, kill'em, bury'em in the yard, cash their social security checks. Well, they'd tortur'em first, I don't know why. Maybe the television set was broke.
-Ed Tom Bell

This is kinda cool. Charles Holland Duell, who was commissioner of the patent office from 1898-1901, is known for saying:

"Everything that can be invented has been invented."

What he actually said was:

"In my opinion, all previous advances in the various lines of invention will appear totally insignificant when compared with those which the present century will witness. I almost wish that I might live my life over again to see the wonders which are at the threshold."

"The squeaky wheel gets the grease."
-A. Nonny Moose

"All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others".

Animal Farm

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Garrison Keillor

"Just because nobody complains doesnt mean all parachutes are perfect."
-Benny Hill

Originally posted by Bardock42
"You miss 100% of the shots your don't take
- Wayne Gretzky
-- Michael Scott"
--- Bardock42

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on

Dean Martin