Ushgarak's Silly Life Problems Part 49

Well, this isn't technically a problem... that I haven't got a job yet is a problem... this is more a situation, but I am worrying more and more about it.

It so happened that last week I received a mail through FriendsReunited (famous UK website that has a database containing every UK school where people can leave their details, sorted by year, on the idea idea you cam use it to check up on old friends... made the makers an absolute fortune, most popular UK website, I think) saying that they are organising a school re-union for my old year that I left seven years ago (on the idea that we were seven years at the school, and now it is sven years on it is time for a re-union)

Now, for those of you who don't know, my old school was a rather high-powered place, over a hundred times over-subscribed for each pupil there (as in for each pupil who gets in there over a hundred are rejected) where everyone was taught by people phD'ed up to the nines with a view to getting the most fabulously fabulous results possible (which they often did, topping the nationwide league table a few times) and moving most of the outgoing students onto high-powered universities (most Oxford and Cambridge) where they then form an Old Boys network that gives you a ton of privileges who then do things like, for example, form this re-union. And play cricket a lot, I think.

Of course, muggins here fell ill and dropped out before he could take advantage of any of that, didn't he?

Anyway, point is, much as I am attracted to the idea to seeing a lot of these people again- it having been seven years and all- I am rather LESS attracted to the prospect of being the least successful person there whilst everyone around me has gone on to become Managing Director of ICI, King of England and a variety of jobs that have made them richer than Bill Gates. And they will ask me what have I been doing, and I will say I have been at home spending most of my time on a Star Wars board. And they will think "Aww, poor guy, 'cos he was ill and everything," and then go on to talk to people that actually exist for them in any real sense.

This is all exaggeration, of course, but the point remains. It is HIGHLY embarrassing to be bottom of the pile no matter if it was my fault or not and I am not sure if I could really take it.

But wait! One mad get out clause remains. The invite specifies that the attendance of partners is encouraged. A-ha! A way to claw back SOME respectability would be to have a girl to go with just to prove I am not Mr. Nerdy useless, 'cos I will lay heavy odds some of those guys have still not gotten near a female.

One problem. No girl.

Well, maybe it doesn;t matter anyway. If none of my friends are going I don't think there is much point me going myself. I ask a couple of my friends who still live locally (including my friend Nigel, the highly-paid Doctor guy who used to need me for his nurse hunts but does them solo now) and asked if they were going. They hadn't heard a thing about it. Of course, now I had told them, of COURSE they wanted to go! They said I should contact everyone else we knew and make sure they went as well.

So... the gig is in September but the deposits have to be in by the end of May. So that gives me a month and a half to find a girl who is willing to, if not actively pretend to be my girlfriend, then to at least give me a veneer of respectability by having turned up with a partner.

Basically, I am going to ask every girl I know. I am handicapped in that I don;t know ANY girls in my own town. The only girls I ever did know around here are those that were in the last two years at my old school (it being boys only until then), and they, of course, are some of the people I am actually trying to impress here.

It doesn't look good. Several girls I am in contact with are willing to do it, but heinously they have gone and decided to be born on the wrong damn continent. So now I am fretting...

BTW, don't tell me not to care what they all think. It won't work, I DO care and that is all there is to it...

Failing all that... Mech, there'll be a ton of wine on table there... get your woman's outfit on...

hmmm... well... thats quite a pickle ush. i dont see why you care really. your an obviously very intelegent guy, and im willing to bet you can talk circles around most of those people, as you tend to do with the people on this board. as for your problem. i have one word.... hookers. 🙂 nah, im joking. but seriously, having a job isnt all its cracked up to be. it can be quite a pain, and if you can get away with living without a job then i say go for it. and as far as the girl situation goes, the only thing i can think of... is ill fly out there to whereever you live, however, you will be the one to dress like a woman, and you can tell everyone you had a sex change and that i am your hunky new man toy. that way i will have an excuse to smack your ass around like we all know i love to do 🙂

Neat... though as far as the talking circles is concerned, I am afraid a lot of them were members of the same debating society as me... they mostly have far more brains than I do in any case.

My mother suggested that I ask Edna. I was in hysterics. I went through in my mind what the mail to her would say.

"Hi, Elle. I know we haven't seen each other in 10 months and that the only times we have communicated in the last eight was to yell at each other and for you to say that you never wanted to see me again, and that you have a whole different life now and a boyfriend you are happy with... but I need someone to pretend to be my girlfriend for me so get your butt down here this September. I know you are too busy too reply so I will assume you have said yes and got you a ticket. BTW, you owe me 37 quid. Oh, er, hope everything is going well."

Anyone else got any bright ideas? Else I might as well just send that, now I think about it...

well the simple solution is to just not go.

Yes, but that would be a failure. Especially as all my friends are going. Basically the gist of it all is that I need to find a girl to go with... or I can't go.

i see... well if its that important to you... maybe you should fly out one of those girls who you mentioned would go with you if it werent for them living on the wrong continent, and take her... or else just get out there and try to meet girls on the street or the library.

Cross-Atlantic tickets are not cheap, sadly. But maybe I can depend on some sort of girl-fidning miracle...

yeah, the library would be good for you, you're an intelectual type, the girls there probably enjoy a guy who can stimulate the mind as you can. that might be your best bet if its really that important to you

Now if that isn't top shelf advice from a horror expert, I don't know what is. Hehehe. Just kidding, BF.... 😉

Logically, I cannot possibly help Ush unless I could obtain a reasonable facsimile of a British accent in time.

*Practices "The rain in spain falls mainly on the plain"*

How about borrowing your sister-in-law ?

ohhh, good idea.

What a predicament!

Good thing I don't have to worry about this happening to me for a couple years.... 😄

I'm sure you'll find someone by the time the month of May ends. You seem like a great guy...unless it is all just a ruse to lull us into a false sense of security so you can visit our houses one by one and kill us all... 😈

I'm pressed for time myself. Stupid math and literature junk. I still have 80 problems in the math packet (it could be 280 if I'm wrong) and I have to have read to chapter 7 in the "Adventures of Tom Sawyer" and written about all of the discussion questions up to chapter 7 and all by this Tuesday. Stupid literature and math teachers...

They seem to exist solely to make our lives harder, don't they,Captain Rex?

Thank God you have me Ush, problem solved:

Paint your face ghost white, draw some green and blue circles around your eyes, color your hair gold, rent some freaky clothes and parade around the place claiming to be an artist extraordinaire!

Naturally your stuffy rich friends will probably want to buy some of your pieces!

You'll be the talk of the evening!

You have to admit that is a radical solution,Ushgarak, and it just might work.

Not exactly helping your situation but I'm curious - why did you look up these people if you are worried about what to talk about?

Anyway about the girl problem...why a girl? In this modern world why not take a guy (as friends)?

im never going to have to worry about this because i am not planning to attend any reunions of any sort.

That is quite a dilema........

Bringing a guy wouldn't create the sense of self-esteem I need. And I am afraid I am far too jaded, passive and old-fashioned for some of these more radical solutions, appreciated though they are...

im telling ya, get your ass to the library if you want chicks. just spew off some of your intelect and they'll be all ove ryou.