The Green Room vol.3

I miss being the age when all of my friends didn't give a shit about politics. So sick of seeing so many of them post political things.

I'm fairly convinced anything in the before times is fake implanted memories, and we were all just made 10 months ago.

So much charity for Ukraine, the perfect money laundering service.

If you spread mashed potatoes on a slice of bread, put a slice of brisket in there, and fold it in half. Does that make a southern gourmet soft taco?

Something like 44% of marriages end in divorce. That sounds grim, but think about it this way: 66% of marriages end in death.

If humans lived for a thousand years, would most find wisdom and enlightenment, or would they just have 900% more time to sink into pessimism and cynicism?

Why don't they allow prison inmates internet access? It would pacify the fvck out of them. They'd all be braindead zombies just like any millennial walking around with their heads in their phones. Plus it would give you another avenue of punishment to take away their internet access. Only let them use the most inane, soul stealing apps.

New idea for a superhero: The Groundhog

His superpower is the ability to turn any day into Groundhog Day / Edge of Tomorrow, living the day over and over, altering events until he gets everything just right.

None of his friends believe him about his powers.

How is it in toilet factories? Are the toilets there fitted with the cheapest potty they produce so that all the more expensive ones get sold for profit, or do they regularly change out the models with new prototypes for testing and the employees have to write a review after each shit?

The people who played "the floor is lava" as kids in Hawaii now have a tactical advantage.

Teeth in general are utter bullshit. Who the hell would make something that important require so much ****ing maintenance to not be ruined.

So if I could touch another person and transfer my mind into their body and use their mind like a reference guide, I'd try to get to Washington to take over some key senators. Maybe even the president. It would be super easy. Just shake hands with a secret service agent and you're practically in charge of the free world.

If we ever contact aliens, it will be hard to explain why we have so many movies about killing them.

If cows could vote, it would be for which slaughterhouse kills them.

Owning a dragon doesn't sound nearly as cool when you consider the quantity of shit you'd have to clean up.

The person who originally came up with the phrase, "There's more than one way to skin a cat." was probably a pretty sick fvcker.

Rock and roll started in the 50’s and peaked in the mid 60’s and early 70’s. Rock and roll continues on but will never be as good as it was in its peak and continues to decline as its get further from is blues origins.

Rap started in the 80’s and peaked in the mid 90’s and early 2000’s. Rap continues on but will never be as good as it was at its peak and continues to decline as it gets further from its R&B origins.

When you think about it, broth is just tea made from animals.

A way to tell you're in a serious relationship is if you wont watch a new movie at home without first calling your girl and asking if she wanted to watch it.

Bongs unite all four elements: earth, wind, water, and fire.