And so, here is the start of part 4 of my Edna crush story, telling the story from her arrival down at university in London, to the point where the question of us actually becoming boyfriend and girlfriend is finally resolved!
Eleanor came down to Imperial College London in October 2001, to stay in the same halls as her sister had done- her sister still at the uni, now doing a phD there. On her first night she rather freaked out at being alone, wanted to call me but did not want to bother me, eventually being calmed down by her sister instead. I assured her that, in future, she could call me WHENEVER she wanted!
She calmed down soon afterwards. She got used to her new surroundings, got a feel for early lessons, made some new friends, went shopping with them, sent me a postcard with a hippo on, and so on...
It was a novel situation for Eleanor, who in one way or another had been continuously spoken for for all of her latter teenage life, one relationship flowing into the next. But having dumped David for Nathan and then losing Nathan, she was now technically free for the first time in years, and was looking forward to see was possibilities university might bring. The technicality, of course, was me.
It was an odd relationship. I was still a secret from her family, still no hope of us actually getting together. We still adored each other massively, of course, though the honeymoon period, where neither of us could do wrong, was over. This happens to all couples, of course, but I imagine it is normally a slow process. For us, it was sudden- before summer, we were perfect to each other, no arguing, could do no wrong. After Newquay and Nathan, the fairytale was gone, and we argued all the time, normally over the silliest of things. And neither of us would give up, talking or texting into the small hours of the morning, going on and on and on... there was a kind of exciting buzz to it, especially in making up afterwards, but it was also wearying... VERY wearying. Elle sent me a mail in late October clearly distressed at how much we were arguing and how she could not take it. I resolved, as did she, to stop, but we never managed it. But it did not stop us adoring each other.
Being together still made us exceptionally happy. I called her Princess, which she loved, and she tried to make out that I was her noble Knight. I did not think that I quite fitted the stereotype of the fit handsome Knight, so I told her that if she did not mind me being a Grumpy Knight with dented armour and a knackered sword, then I would try to be as noble as possible... if I could make her smile it was good for she was truly beautiful when smiling.
Other times, we liked to wind each other up. I am highly windable and she took advantage of this, though it would tend to only end in a tickling match and snuggles. For my part, the best way to wind her up back was to start a sentence about the future with "When we get married, Elle..." which would always bring a shriek of "We are NOT getting married, Mike!"
Beneath the humour was that fundamental problem, that we were going nowhere. I adored her, loved her, she adored me but it could be no more. There would be no relationship. Every relationship she had tried had ruined her friendship with that person- David, Nathan, others, all were no longer friends. She would not risk that with me. And as for love, Elle was terrified of such a thing, and utterly dismissed the idea that she might love me. She told me that as soon as she started a relationship with someone at university then everything between us that was more than just friends had to stop. I nodded, agreed, and inside silently prayed that this would never happen, and that somehow another miracle- after ALL the miracles that had bought us this far!- would make her TRULY mine, for I was willing to be truly hers... but I did not know what to do. I could not push the point as pressure would only upset her and ruin things. Yet I just did not feel satisfied with what we had. It was a problem.
Elle had difficulty getting on-line at uni and her participation at the forums slowly faded more and more.
http://www.killermovies.com/forums/f11/t1878.html
(she posts on page 8 and I post whilst she is sitting next to me on page 12)
But still we kept in contact with as much mail and texting as we could. And in a relationship in which the visits were now spaced in weeks rather than months and with such strong feelings, we were only drawing closer to each other. And so it was in November, I prepared to do the unthinkable- to travel to London and see HER.
For those still not fully aware of the severity of my problems in that area, this was a VERY big deal. The outside world scares me witless; every person I see is a hostile who might mug me, every police siren makes me cringe as I assume they are somehow out to get me. I cannot buy things from shops or use buses. I cannot even sleep in a bed that is not my own, the idea makes me cringe (and it was actually something to do with that in August whilst Elle was here, and the comfort she gave me, that made me realise I loved her, a story I might tell at some point). For me to use a train to travel alone to London to see her was a rash ad silly idea, but I was prepared to do it; trains are less personal than buses so more bearable, the lure of seeing her enough to spur me on, and with her in bed besides me I was sure I would be fine.
And Elle could npt pretend I would not be welcome. In the link above she says how she likes London but that was now changing, its drab bleakness getting to her. Her halls were not well placed for her lectures and there was a long journey back and forth each day. There were NO friends on her course at her halls- in fact, no medics at all, and in these inter-collegiate halls, precious few even from her University! She had friends but none, really, on her course, and it got to her. She was lonely, and the course was extremely dull, and she had suffered badly from flu, and put her back out and it would not seem to heal (something that seemed to go on for a worryingly long time!), noises were keeping her awake all night... in short, she was depressed, and me coming to see her was an attractive prospect!
Elle arranged to meet me at the station but when I got there, there was nothing; she was not at the platform, or the meeting point, or anywhere. I panicked, considered turning tail and running home, froze with indecision, waited an eternity (5 minutes), tried to ring her but the phones there would not connect to a mobile... PANIC!!!! IT WAS ALL GOING WRONG!!!!!!!!!
In the end, I managed to force myself into some semblance of sanity by putting myself into the marching routine I had used in my old Corps of Drums days, marching carnivals of many miles lugging a drum around, stepping the distance by one bit at a time. Of course, back then I was in a disciplined environment; now I was scared, alione, in a strange place with a heavy bag with weird people coming up to me asking me for money and not knowing what was going on and what was wrong...
Finally, she came, 45 minutes late. She was meant to meet me straight after her choir committee meeting (her sister was Chairman of the choir and Elle had become Social Secretary, a position she was well suited for as a VERY social girl- and she had started to drink rather a lot!), and she blamed her sister for not letting her out early. I did not care, I just wanted all the horribleness over with; she led me through the underground system and then walked me to hers and we were FINALLY there.
Her room was small, unimpressive, with a heating pipe running through it making it stupidly hot and weird noises all around, but it WAS hers, and she had embued it with her own personality. I collapsed down on the bed and FINALLY relaxed and in the end, we had a GREAT time together... we slept uncomfortably in the heat and noise, but snuggled up together we were content; she was happy I was there, and I was happy that I had made her happy, and all seemed good. I had brought some writing work for me to do but it all got forgotten in the pleasure of it all as Elle took time off lectures to be with me... and just to top it off, I persuaded her to come back to see me afterwards, so I did not have to face another train ride alone! I had made it with my trip into the outside world with my mind intact, and there was simply no denying that Elle was helping my recovery in many ways, speeding it along in ways I could not have imagined just a year ago.
(My absence from the board at this point was so rare that Tex even opened a thread about it!)
http://www.killermovies.com/forums/f11/t2195.html
It seemed that in the short-term at least, things were going great. We had planned ahead for after Christmas, when she was due to see me at New Year's. This had been planned before summer, cancelled during summer, and now the plan had been re-constructed. She was going to spend New Year's with me and then we would holiday together at my Grandmother's in Norfolk. As we eventually worked out the details, it seemed we were to spend six days together.
"SIX DAYS!" said Elle. "That's virtually married!"
I smiled, and I knew it that never going to happen. It was going to be great, spending that time together, We were never even going to be boyfriend and girlfriend, no matter what I wanted. Or weren't we? Things were subtley changing and I did not know it. 2001 was drawing to a close. Elle and I had known each other for 9 months and become closer than either of us could have dreamed off, but it seemed we had reached the limit of what we could be. But the coming events of the end of the year and soon after were going to change the way things were.
To find out what was changing, why, and how things happened, you will have to read the second bit of Part 4, that I shall post tomorrow, or soon!
Right then! On with part 4!
The great stunning six days together thing did not kick off quite as planned.
It had started off ok. For once, I had managed to pass the hours in a day before Eleanor got here without having palpitations as the minutes and seconds endlessly stretched out. The night before I saw her had been sleepless, as always, but to combat the discomfort I had saved every video I had gotten for Christmas snd watched them all in one marathon session in one day, keeping my ind occupied until the point when my Mum called up that Eleanor's car was pulling up halfway through the Bill Bailey Live video I had... it was the first time Eleanor had driven here when my parents were here but they were familiar with her in every other way; she had been here half a dozen times since September and her presence here was now part of the routine. She liked my parents, and they liked her; my parents did not like it that HER parents still did not know of me but I assured my Mum that there was little I could do about it and I was sure it would change in time, just as everything else about her had. It had taken me ages to get her address or even her phone number; I got the second AFTER she had met me (her still being too shy to give it to me once we had met) only because I needed it to text her, I got the first only when I needed it to send her a Christmas present- seven months after we met! It had been agaes before she had revealed her name, and her looks; the only hasty thing she had ever done was meet me and I had learned in general that, when it came to Eleanor, you had to take things slowly. A shame, then, that I am one of the least patient people on the planet- certainly then, in any case! But all I could do was wait for her to change her mind.
The day and night together was fun, it was the day after that was the problem. This was New Year's, the one she had promised to spend with me months before, then said she would not as she would spend it with Nathan, and then it was to be with me again. This was rather symbolic for me as the thing I had 'won back' after that horrible summer, and I had been looking forwards for ages to spending a perfect New Year's night with my perfect girl ('perfect' is dreadful cliche, of course, but you get the gist).
The New Year's party was to be spent at the new home of my friend Geoff, who posts here as Orpheus. Geoff is a mild-mannered guy and did not want anything too hardcore going on, so it was meant to be a relatively sedantry affair. I had introduced Elle to my friends back in August when she came to the annual birthday meal of a friend of mine, also present, and she had started to role-play with myself and my friends when she came so Elle was fully accepted in my social group.
However, this New Year's party was one of the absolute worst nights of my life- and Orpheus thinks similarly to me!
The trouble was routed between my friend Ben (Scoundrel on the boards) and another friend of mine who were not getting on at all well at the time. And unfortunately, poor Scoundrel got far too drunk for his own good and the discomfort of the situation reached breaking point.
Shortly before midnight, the situation was as thus. Most of the people there- Eleanor included- had gotten far more drunk than Geoff wanted. My friend David had ever so slightly flouted Geoff's 'no drugs' policy by constructing an improvised drug taking device out of half a cpoke bottle in the middle of Geoff's living room. Scoundrel and Nigel had argued viciously and Scoundrel's mood had slid down to rock bottom, and he wondered around trying to assure everyone that he was a good person and he tried hard and none of quite knew what to do. Orpheus had closed himself upstairs in his bedroom to get away from the unpleasatness below. However, things were only getting worse.
Shortly AFTER mdinight, myself and most of my friends were standing uncomfortably in Orpheus' landing, embarrassed and unsure what to do. Scoundrel was in the lounge crying his eyes out at the through of what he thought other people thought of him. The only person in there with him was Elle, who mas making a desperately drunken attempt to make him feel better. No-one else could really go near him. Orpheus was still, pretty much, hiding away from the whole thing; my friend who had had the argument with Ben was pacing up and down, guilt ridden, and all in all everyone was sodding miserable, stuck in a small landing with any tiny vestige of party spirit destroyed, stomped upon, ripped up and set fire to.
And Elle and myself had to gp. Because she was drinking she had not driven me here; I had prevailed upon my father to take us both home shortyl after midnight and now they were here, and I had to go, but I could not get into the lounge to get Elle, and my father was getting increasingly aggravated and there was nothing I could do and eventually I got a message through to Elle and she would not leave Ben because she was not sure if he would make it through the rest of the evening and everything was threatening to explode... I don't know why she came in the end, maybe one of my friends manage to convince her; I was standing by the door of the house the whole time. We drove home in sullen silence.
At home, Eleanor burst into tears at the whole thing. I had to hold her to comfort her, something I did without hesitation but the whole situation was so unreal and unpleasant that there was no joy to be found in it. She cried and cried and cried, and I had to phone a friend to check if Ben was ok, and then I phoned Ben himself to check that HE was ok, and I promised that Eleanor and myself would go and see him after we got back from Norfolk, and of COURSE we all liked him, and things would improve with Nigel (friend he was having trouble with), and so on and so forth, and yet Elle was still hysterical about things. I held her and tried to calm her down but she would not see reason and she tirade only stopped when she had to run off and be violently sick in the toilet.
She made up a bed next to mine in my room and collapsed down upon it, and then we argued about everything, about the evening and how it was all ruined and about whose fault it was or wasn;t and about whether we should have gone home at all and so on and so forth, and I grey angry and, in a fit of rage, I took a framed collection of classic English coinage off the wall and dropped it on Elle from distance of about four inches, where it bounced harmlessly off the covers and slid to the floor., She had fallen asleep and did not even notice. As furious rages went, I did not seem to be very good at them.
I sat back and thought it all over. THIS was my perfect night I had looked forwards to for half a year? I could not help thinking she would have been better off with Nathan...
BAH! 2001 had given me a great gift but it had left me with a ton of uncertainties and the ending was dreadful! Roll on 2002, I said. Uncomfortably, I went to sleep.
"I threw my coin collection at you last night, you know," I told her in the morning.
"Did you?" she said. "Are you sure?"
Everything, of course, looked a WHOLE lot more silly in the morning. She apologised for it all; she said she got like that when drunk.
That bad start augured badly, but things were to get better, as we prepared to spend three days in Norfolk with my Grandmother's, my traditional yearly holiday spot I had always taken for the first 16 years of my life and was well opverdue to see again, those dreary seaside towns and freezing beaches... the trick with Norfolk, you see, is that there is NOTHING THERE. It is the perfect stress-busting relaxing holiday because there is -nothing to care about. There is a bed there I can use just fine as I have used oit enough to be mine just as much as my one at home is. I had been asking Elle to come with me there for ages, and she had agreed after much persuasion. It just seemed a perfect, uncluttered place to spend time with my girl.
However, in reverse of how it had been the last two days, this one STARTED badly, because first we had to get there. Elle was driving, it was a two hour journey. I had heard, of course, all the talk about how driving with a partner is a stressful and argumentative experience. I had resolved NOT to let this happen and for our drive to be peaceful and harmonious. Of course, I had failed to take into account the frayed nerves and extreme fatigue the two of us had after the night before, not to mention Elle's moody equivalent of a hangover. Simply loading the car had been a wearying and aggravating experience- having to help Elle navigate there through the countryside roads of East Anglia was always going to be far too big a task to be done peacefully.
I shall not bother with the details but suffice to say that at the halfway point I was yelling expleitves at point-blank range and refusing to give her any more directions, saying she could be lost out in the Suffolk countryside forever for all I cared; it would teach her to yell at me. Mature, ain't I? Of course, she HAD to apologise to me then, she had no option, it was all rather cruel. In the end, though, we were both mumbling apologies to each other for most of the rest of the journey.
FINALLY we made it there, to my Grandmother's house. She greeted us happily at the door, overjoyed I had come to stay, doubly overjoyed that I had brought a girl, all four of her granchildren still being entirely single.
And so when we settled down there... but oh no! I am at the message limit again! GASP! No more story for you people! I shall have to carry on tomorrow, where you can hear about our time on holiday together, and what the little signs I had been misisng meant that would lead, together with some unusually distant history, to being a drastic change to our relationship by the end of the first month of the New Year...