The Official Crush Thread

Hmm. part 6 eh... well, I have some spare time on my hands so I shall start it now!

So, it is all over, and I am not going to see Elle again. Of course, muggins here doesn't know this, does he? All I know is that she is thinking over things again. This has happened so many times now that I am getting kind of blase about it. I don't feel like being angry or sullen or resentful. I DO feel, however, like trying to get everything onto a more positive vibe, just like it had seemed wee has established at our last meeting.

Elle would be coming back to London soon for her re-takes, and when they were done it was only just over two months until she came back for her second year. She would now be living in a house with friends, which should make her happier, but I knew she was still chronically unhappy with uni and her life down south. If she could nail the re-takes and get back onto a more positive vibe, she would be fine, but all in all, I thought she needed something to cheer her up.

So I resolved to get her a surprise. Now, getting Eleanor a present was never an easy affair. I already tol you about the problems with getting her a Valentine's Day present. I had had great difficulty getting her a Christmas present the year before, and as for her birthday in April! I had decided to get her some jewelery, but being an inexperienced guy I had NO idea what to get! I went into a jewelery store and was utterly bewildered by what was on offer. I had manage to unearth, from OLD conversations with Elle talking about presents her previous boyfriends had gotten her (in most cases getting her something she really did NOT want!), that she did not like gold and liked chokers. But what, exactly, constituted a choker? Was white gold acceptable if yuo did not like gold? How was I to know what was nice and what was not? GAH!

I left empty handed, and eventually recruited my Mum into helping me get her something. All this was in a background of Elle telling me to get her NOTHING (which wasn't going to happen, as she had gotten ME something the year before!) and, to make it worse, in the mdidle of things going wrong around that April. I didn't actually get it to her until the last time we met- and as it turned out, she loved it.

So the pattern with Elle was that she would tell me that she didn't want anything, INSIST on it, but if you got her something she would like anyway, she would love it and be grateful.

But what to get her? I had no clue. I wanted it to be something special and appropriate but was entirely stuck. I remembered once how some of my brother's uni friends had called me to think up of some present ideas for him. Sound thinking! But who, that knew Elle well enough to give her present ideas, could I call? Not her family, they still did not know who I was- that argument coming to a head just before Easter (and her birthday), with her finally promising to tell them, starting with her sister, and then, as I have recorded, deciding never to see me again instead.

I could not ask her friends where she lived, they did not know me either and it would be rather random. As for her friends at uni, who had at least SEEN me, I could not ask them either. They all still thought I was a big big freak following my harassment of Elle that Easter, and with good reason. Elle had not told them that the two of us had made up, so they still thought I was Mr. Evil Stalker guy.

So at the tail end of July, I did something breathtakingly presumptuous and quite utterly outside my nature. Unsolicited, I mailed her older sister, Vicki, asking for help. Vicki was doing a phD at the same uni as Elle, and had spent the last year as Chairman of the choir that Elle had been social secretary of. I was able to deduce her e-mail easily enough, as the university used a set format for the e-mail addresses of students there. Titled 'A rather nervous request for help', I quickly outlined who the hell I was, why I was writing, and whether she could help me come up with a surprise 'Welcome back to London' present for Elle!

To my surprise, Vicki replied quickly, and with some surprising news. Normally she would very much dislike receving mail from people she did not know- but she knew who I was!

"My bullshit detector gets turned up to max where my sister is concerned, so when she said she was staying with me so that she could go and see her friend in Chelmsford from the Medlink course I thought, Er really? and my detective skills led me to the killer movies forum, which was the most frequently visited website on our dad's computer at that time. A quick search of the archives revealed she had met you on that date. I'm not completely stupid, although she thinks I am. I think I embarrassed her somewhat by announcing at a recent dinner outing that I knew all about you, then proceeding to get a bit irate that she's been lying to me, Mum and Dad."

I was almost in hysterics! She knew! She had known from the start! All that effort from Elle to keep it secret, and all the arguments we had had about it, and her sister had known the whole damn time! I had to admit, Vicki was right; Elle was many things but she was NOT a good liar! Heck, even the last time we met I had argued briefly with Elle about maybe telling her sister. She had already known that her sister knew by then, but hadn't told me. Hmm!

Anyway, Vicki agreed to help me, saying she would ask Elle some discreet questions about it in the folliwng week that she would be spending back up north (Vicki actually lived in London but still visited her old home sometimes). Unfortunately, Elle was barely around whilst she was there and nothing really got worked out. But by this time I had already come up with what appeared to be a mad idea, that I had decided to run by Vicki. Elle had ALWAYS been interested in going to see the ballet- it was one of her little dreams. So I thought, why not organise a surprise trip to the ballet for her? Even better, if Vicki would help me, it really WOULD look like a nice surprise and not a blatant effort by me to stay in her good books. Obviously, that WAS a consideration on my part, but I really did want to keep her happy and this seemed like a great- though very unlikely- way to do it.

Even better, Vicki agreed, loving the ballet herself and being interested in going again, even bringing some of the choir with her. She even had a few ideas about what to see! It all seemed too good to be true!

And it was. A period of silence from Vicki followed, and when I eventually mailed her again asking how things were going, she replied thus:

"I guess Eleanor hasn't been in touch with you this week then. She told me a couple of days ago that she has decided not to return to London this year. She's going to start a Maths degree (mad girl) at Warwick university instead, so I guess that makes the whole "welcome back to London, it's not so bad" idea a little redundant? She'll probably be pretty psyched for most of the first term, what with making new friends and settling down to a new course. (I think Dad says if she fails any exams this year he won't pay for her accommodation for the remainder of the course!)"

I was flabberghasted. It was the only time I had COMPLETELY misread Elle. I was SO certain she was going to come back and give everything a go, it never occurred to me that she would not even ATTEMPT her re-takes! She had seemed so determined not to give up, no matter how bad she felt! But she had. I guess coming back down south must have seemed SO horrible to her, she couldn't face it. And so that was it for her medical career, and onto do Maths- like, if you go back, she had told me she wanted to do the very first time we had met.

And as Vicki said, it made all my plans rather pointless. Which was a kick in the teeth, as I had had such dreamy visions of it all going perfectly, and how happy Elle would have been- maybe just dreams, but I had wanted to at least take a shot at it. On the other hand, maybe I would have just annoyed the hell out of her. Who knows?

I texted Elle comisserating with her and wishing her good luck. She had only responded to one of my texts in the last month, giving me permisison to give some pics of her to Raz to put up in the members pics thread (at the top of the GDF). Unlike orevious occasions, I was not flipping out that she was not responding to me, trying to keep a level head. I knew she would respond to this one though; I got a "What! How the hell do you know?" back from her. I explained that I had asked her sister, explained why I had contacted her sister. That was it, nothing moreback, she clearly did not want to talk about it. Oh well.

This made me rather depressed again. I was considering taking Elle to task about it, but felt rather less inclined to have another shouting match. Instead, I saw Vicki on-line, and had a long conversation with her.

Some interesting facts emerged. Elle had a new boyfriend, one she had met in July, just before she had stopped contacting me again. A-HA! Now, that made a LOT more sense! It was suddenly remarkably clear that with a new guy- who presumably gave her all the comfort and affection she needed without any of the nasty complications and distance problems I have her. I was maybe a little annoyed she had not just told me. But then I thought about it, remember how I had felt about Nathan, tried to run through the conversation in my head if she had tried to tell me that she had met someone else and thought it best not to see me any more... I am sure you can all sympathise with her just watning to avoid the whole thing! Vicki even told me that Elle had had SOME sort of attempt at a relationship with someone else back in Easter, the first time she had suddenly stopped talking to me, and now THAT made sense as well.

I wasn't angrey. I had already been as angry as I could be about those things. It actually all made more sense. Sure, I was a little jealous that I had lost out to other guys. But at least I could understand WHY it had all happened now, it wasn't just some weird randomness on her part, as it had seemed before! It was too late to worry about it now, so all I could do wa shope she would be happy- and hope we could still be friends.

Before I knew it I was asking Vicki to come to my birthday party which was two weeks away, and she agreed. That all seemed rather forward. But I liked Vicki, she was being friendly and helpful. I did not want to go out with her- not that she is not a tempting girl, but she had an intimidating amount of experience, I was blatantly not her type, she was the sister of my ex, and in any case I still only had eyes for Elle! But I DID want to get on well with her, and her agreeing to come did make me feel better.

Sadly she had to cancel two days before, and she tried to make it the week after but could not make that either. Doing a complex phD like hers involves a lot of work and it got in the way. I was rather upset, again, and had phoned her as soon as I heard to talk it over, which was a mistake as it was rather pushy of me to bother her like that. In fact, I bothered her rather a lot, and we did not talk after that for a while.

But it was no big deal. We got to talking again later, and she even joined the boards, where she also made friends with Ben (Scoundrel), just as Elle before her had. I already knew by now that poor Elle had not made it to uni. A mix up over accomodation (she had applied rather late) meant she could not go, so she was to spend the year doing nothing more, it seemed, than working some more at the Theme Park she worked at, and go to uni the year after. Poor girl!

Vicki was getting on well with Ben and myself by now, and Vicki and I played a number of games of backgammon together over Yahoo. When she expressed a curious interest in the role-playing I did, I asked her if she could make it here this Christmas, and again, to my surprise, she agreed. It was oddm how first things had turned from her being irritated by me bugging her to her agreeing to come, but sgree she did. I suspected it was because she had grown to like Ben rather a lot, but it didn't matter. it had been six months since I had had a female in the house, and much as it was obviously not the same thing with Vicki, I really was looking forward to getting on well with her! And I really did hope that if I stayed friends with Vicki then, ONE day, I would be able to be friends with Elle again.

Which brings us to the end of the first bit of part 6. The next, and last bit of the whole thing, will tell of Vicki's visit here- and the dreadful, DREADFUL month afterwards where I threw it all away again! And all the way up to now, the present day, and where I find myself as I write this.

Thanks Korri... did you read the whole thing from the start?

What was her sisters username?Is she still around?I'm being nosy 😑

Thanks Ush. This is amazing. Looking forward to the conclusion.

what an interesting turn of events! looking forward to the rest!

Ush I've sent the whole Saga off to Mills and Boon but they prefer happy endings, can you make the ending happy and flesh out the Details more?

Heheh... 'flesh out', huh?

Anyway then! On with the story!

Vicki, liken unto her sister, was late and delayed whilst coming here. I had the familiar nervousness before she came- though obviously not like it was with Elle, more because I was glad at the chance of a break in schedule, the chance to make a new friend, and of course, the chance to entertain a pretty woman for a few days! Christmas had only just gone by, and I was in a good mood; I whiled away the time before she arrived by watching all the extras on my Attack of the Clones DVD.

Now, I thought the meeting went rather well. I identifed her at the station ok (always a major worry!), and we proceeded to have a good few days together. We talked alot, played the odd backgammon game, ate copious amounts of ice cream, she did some role-playing with my brother and my friends, which she seemed to enjoy, we played a lot of Goldeneye on my friend's borrowed N64, we went down the pub with my friends (where she tried to take my eye out with the pool cue), she met Ben, got on well with him, and late at night she was kind enough to hold my hand and listen to me pouring out all my troubles on her. This was most gracious of Vikci, who did not come down here to be drawn into that sort of thing, but she listened patiently and gave advice and even persuaded me of the virtues of looking for a job, now I was so obviously getting better. For something I had so long considered impossible, it all suddenly looked remarkably practical. I was very happy. I would have been happier still if she had shared a room (as opposed to a bed, I hasten to add!) with me so I could comfort myself by seeing her there at night as I had done with Elle, but obviously that was a bit much to ask and she politely declined. It was ok, though, she was more than good enough to me! I gave her a couple of back massages in return, which she enjoyed, but that kinda bounced back on me, as we shall see.

So, as I say, I thought it went rather well. When it was all done she gave me a firm and friendly hug goodbye; this being my first hug in six months I was most grateful! And she said she would see if she could make it down here again at Easter.

(The day after, btw, was New Year's Eve. Myself and Ben and all my friends spent it at Nigel's house, the guy that had argued with Ben the year before, and it all went MUCH better this time! Very enjoyable. But I felt very alone that night- odd, seeing how sullen and resentful it had been the year before. But how much I missed Elle hit home very hard that night).

Then, something unexpected happened. When I came back to these boards, I saw Edna had posted.

!!!!!!!!!

You can find her post around in the Underwater Tavern, dated on the 27th December. She also made one in the Jedi Council area, saying hi to the other JC members, wishing us a Merry Christmas- and saying she was thinking about coming back.

!!!!!!!! again!

OMG! Like, the first time I had been away from the board each night since... well, since I was last WITH her, that was the only time I didn't post here, and she posted! Was it a dreadful coincidence, or done on purpose? She knew Vicki was coming, of course; had given her a brief outline of what my friends were like, and given Vicki all the stuff I had lent to her over time to give back to me. So she could have come on knowing I would not be there. But thinking about coming back... I mean... that had to include being in more contact with me, surely? So maybe her mind was changing? I didn't know what to think, I was very confused. I PMed her, saying it was nice to hear from her again, which was probably a mistake, but nevermind. I got nothing back.

From these little rays of hope, things got a lot worse very quickly., My relationship with Vicki seemed to quickly sour. She sent me a mail saying she was uncomfortable with the way things had gone between us, and asked me to back off in future. I was surprised, having thought everything had gone smoothly, but agreed! The massage was a contentious point. She had told me before she came that she would like one (even said it would be ok if myself and Ben flirted with her), but had seemed more reluctant at the time, though she seemed happy enough in the end! But she said that she had only assented to avoid upsetting me. This I felt very bad about- I must have missed the signals entirely; Vicki said that I didn't seem to be a guy that easily picked up hints and I think she is right about that.

"I hope you don't feel offended by this. After all, you have asked me for
any advice I can give on relationships with women, and I have tried to tell you not to expect too much, especially from a relationship instigated
online, but I am now also offering some advice on how to deal with me, as a friend. A little at a time, please. I can easily discuss fairly personal
things online, it's easy to take a step back if I need to. But asking those
kinds of questions in person really is VERY personal, and I wasn't entirely comfortable with that either, certainly not on the first night. All I would ask is that you remember that what a prospective girlfriend and a mere friend want are on completely different levels."

It was fair enough, and I apologised profusely. I really did think it had gone well as well! But things did not get any better- they got a lot worse, rapidly. Vicki and myself started to argue, a lot. We argued about Ben, she saying I should be less judgmental about him; we argued about Elle, when I thought she was being judgmental about her! Suddenly, I could not say anything right, I cocked up things and aggravated her needlessly. And, by now, she was clearly preferring to talk to Ben on-line anyway. I was having a bad time in my personal life and arguing with a lot of people around here on the board, and everything went cataclysmic at once as I started to send too many mails to Elle and she replied

"You are both bothering and annoying me! Quite frankly I would have
thought you would have got the point by now that I don't want to hear from you at all by the lack of replies you receive. Now please just leave me alone!"

And a little later:

"Don't you get it? I made the decision 7 months ago. You have not been a part of my life for 7 months now it is time for you to realise that! It is time you grew up and stood on your own two feet instead of trying to cling onto people like me.

Now stop pestering me. I don't want to talk to you now respect that."

So, that was that then. There didn't seem to be any more little hopes, things were going badly with Vicki and it seemed I had only cocked up whatever chance there was with Elle coming back. Unhappy and upset, I sent another one of my ranting, threatening mails at Elle (though looking it over, it was a far more controlled lot of horrid stuff than before, not that that makes it any better).

Not long after I sent it, I ran through what would happen next. After all, I had been here many times before. And eventually, I ended up thinking... what the HELL am I doing? I mean, just what was the point? I mailed her an apology at once, telling her to ignore everything I just said and I would leave her alone. I hoped that would be the end of it. Well, I couldn't have made anything worse, could I?

Oh yes I could... because Elle had shown my mails to Vicki. Combined with everything else, that was pretty much that!

"As to your email to her, I must say that neither of us were impressed. I thought that her telling you in no uncertain terms that she wants nothing to do with you would have been the fairest thing she could do under the circumstances. We were both shocked and appalled by your reply. If there were sides to be taken in this (which there aren't really as it's all over now) then I should stress that I stand by her. The fact is that I now know why she wants nothing to do with you. Suffice it to say that if I knew this before I met you or even just after she found out that we were corresponding, it would all have stopped there. As such I don't feel that I should continue to pursue a friendship which can only cause her more grief. She wants you out of her life and I can fully understand why...

... I realise that this will be upsetting for you, I am not doing this to hurt you, I just don't believe that we can have a normal friendship after all the things that have come to pass, and as said, I don't wish to force one. I understand that things might not have been this severe if I hadn't come to visit you at Christmas, so I take some responsibility for allowing the whole thing to go what I consider to be too far. However, you don't really know someone until you meet them face to face. Both Eleanor and I are ceasing communications with you for the same reasons; I am sorry to say that we find you obsessive and manipulative and this behaviour scared Eleanor a great deal. Not nice words I know, but there is no nice way of saying it. This isn't open for discussion, Mike, I would rather it didn't end nastily. I now ask you to respect both my and my sister's wishes and our privacy."

And that was that, it was all done. I mailed Vicki back very politely. I was not angry or upset with her, because I felt she had no obligations towards me. I was unhappy she had chosen to do this but I could not dispute it, and I guessed she was right.

I had thought that was it, though. I thought with all support and all hope kicked away that my life was finally over; I had tried my best to keep going as long as poisslbe but the game was up. I was all alone, utterly despondant, and could not go on.

But you know what? Suddenly, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Oh, it was BAD... but bearable. I wasn't happy, but I didn't feel inclined to shoot myself. And I had to come to the conclusion that I was a WHOLE lot better than I thought I was. Elle was right the year before when she had said I was more normal than I thought I was, and she had been right just then, in anger, when she had said I had to stop relying on others.

So, there was nothing for it, really. I had gone though all those hsyterics for nothing, so all there was to do now was write it all off as a bad loss, be happy for the good things that happened, and do what Vicki advised and start looking for a job! Which I have not got yet, but I am still searching for right now.

I have felt a little better month by month, become rather more confident and outgoing in myself (compare my shyness with even talking to Edna when I first met her, to the amount I flirt with female posters on the baord now!). And then, one day, Evy opened a thread about Crushes. It had been half a year since it was all finally done, and many people on the board didn't even know who Edna was so I thought... well, I may as well tell the whole thing!

So, there you go, all done. I am still me, I have made a lot of friends since around here, and I meet even be meeting one or two soon- just as friends, but you never know. Still, meeting Elle was lucky, since then it has proven far harder to get these things together.

Elle is still with her boyfriend as far as I know, which makes it now about as long as she and I were an item, which considering she never went out with a guy before me for more than three months is quite impressive. She has not postes here since Christmas. I understand she has been doing some part-time learning- and may not go to University at all, which would be a great shame. I have not heard from her since her brusque, but fair, comment to me I printed here.

Vicki and Ben are now going out together; it is not considered politic for me to be near them when she is around, though. Unlike her sister, Vicki still posts here sometimes. She is still finishing off her phD in London.

I told Elle once, after it all went wrong, that I would always love her, even if I was ninety years old and a millionaire and married to someone else and she had been dead ten years, I would still love her for all the good and positive things she did for me, and that remains so- maybe a background love rather than the fiery, passionate thing it was before, but love all the same. I would not be where I am today- not very much different from any other guy in the street- were it not for her guidance and compassion and great patience with me. I like to think she benefitted from me in many ways as well, but only she can say if that is so or not.

As I mentioned before, I do not think there was any chance that things ever COULD have worked out with Elle. In many ways we were compatible, but in many ways we were not. I was, maybe, a little TOO comfortable with her, and had lost all ambition to do anything other than be with her. Distance was a problem, time was a problrem, Elle was still a young woman and not sure what she wanted- and frankly, no matter how nice I tried to be, I was not much of a boyfriend! So I cannot be THAT bitter that it did not work out- so instead I am thankful for all the great times she brought me, and for making me the guy I am.

Likewise with Vicki, I am grateful for the kindness she showed me and for getting me looking for a job.

The only thing I am bitter about is being so totally out of contact. I would have liked to have kept them both as friends, but I guess it was simpler this way.

Well, that is it then, the whole story. Thanks for listening. I may still post a few thoughts on a few things... or anaswer any questions anyone has!

*Whistles*
My goodness, Ush! Though it didn't work out as well as you'd hoped, I'm glad to see that you're back on your feet. 🙂

No more soap opera to share. 😛

Ah in a way it does end well🙂 Hey Ush you got us! (well atleast me😛) So you'll never be alone 😄

Heh!

(takes Kes' hand and kisses it)

You truly belong with us up here among the clouds...

lol 😄

Yeeeeeaaaaaa. *happy that everything eventually worked out for Ush's good*

So are you going to write a book based on these true events?

Hang on... it didn't work out THAT good! I mean, I entirely lost the two of them as friends and am left with a situation that is still very uncomfortable around here. I was just trying to look on the bright side!"

I did consider making a book out of it, yes...

BRAVO!!!!!!!

Great story with an ending that rather suprised me. I wasn't expecting you and Vicki to become estranged. I thought that would be a nice friendship, but I will add that you seemed to be trying to make Vicki out to be an Elle-patch. You know like the nicotine patch, you can't have a smoke so you where the patch to soothe the cravings. O.K. really bad example, but I think you get the point.

I loved that story thank you Ush for your time, honesty, and effort.

Yeah, I understand what you mean! Frankly, though, I cannot see any way in which I could have learned better other than the hard way. It's a shame we are estranged but there is not much I can do about it. Unless another one of thise little miracles come along, y'know?

Glad you liked it all, anyway!

wow

Well, my story is one not worthy of teen movie, because like most love stories, it ends in unhappiness.
A few months ago, I met the girl of my dreams, and at first I kept it all to myself. I contsantly thought of her, dreamed about, her and wanted to see her. I told my best friend Alex about my love for the girl, and she dealt with it very well. Unlike my other friends Hannah and Natalie who overheard. They then waited until they heard it from me.
For a while I was more than willing to shout out to the world that she was the girl of my dreams. Then things got really hairy. My friends Natalie and Hannah were pushing for permission for them to tell her. They went off and told her against my wishes, even though I told them I wanted to tell her myself. They told her in the worst possible way, "He has a little thing for you." What a way to tell someone that you love them, through the your friends and as some little thing. She probably thought I was a coward or a jerk.
At first things weren't so bad. But eventually my rival, Nile found out. He began pissing me off, each time he tried to make fun of me I told him the I didn't even care what he thought. But that wasn't enough. He was friends with a few weirdos I call the glowingquarter morons. Incidentlly, one of the people in glowingquarter was the girls brother, but he didn't bother me about it. So weeks went by, and I kept my distance from her, and away from my friends because her friends were my friends so I had no choice. I always noticed my friends would never let me sit with them during lunch, and my friends and the girl would always look over at me and laugh. Thanks to Natalie's big mouth, everybody heard about it, and the girl saw all my feelings about her that I had written. And what seemed like not caring who knew turned into being alone and scoffed at. Eventually I gained my friends back, ignored the jerks around me, and the midnight prank calls from the glowingquarter people stopped. But still I remain alone.

🙁 Sorry man.

Shit happens, sorry to hear that you gave up on guys, but like Robin Williams says, guys are born with a brain and a crotch, and only enough blood to control one at a time.

😂 yeh.