i thought it was good it sort of reminds me of romeo and juliet and how there love ended in tragedy. Very deep and sad. Love and pain is alway a strong emotion in poetry
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So guys are the most confusing thing ever on earth
Thx and I agree bout love and pain being major emotions in poetry. I think u got my poem more than anybody in this thread. For me it was a story of a emotions and how they came to what they are pain, sorrow, tragedy, confusion, heart break, and love.
I'm not sure on a new one yet I've gotta find sumthin 2 bring the words 2 my mind sumthin like an inspiration but I'm workin on it cuz I really need 2 write another one but its just gotta come 2 me ya know??
I thought it was done,
I thought we had quit,
I thought I knew why it wasn't it,
But it was all just a fake,
A little lie here and there,
You never understood and you never cared,
My heart still breaking,
My body still aching,
Wondering if one cut could take the pain away,
Crying my eyes out day by day,
Searching for happiness in a sea of despair,
Thinking and asking, will you ever care?
Fighting and fussing is our only connection,
I'm sorry I can't give you true perfection.
I finally wrote another I don't find it to be too good but tell me your thoughts
It is sweet and very fast, umm.. i don't think that's the best way to put it but for the most part it is smooth and kinda easy to read but you break your rhythm quite disconsertingly part way through. the introduction of rhyme in the middle is also a little odd and suggests that you hadn't planned or revised it... but i like it other than that...
It's good enough to pass muster. If it comes from the heart, then it's fine. Next time...let it flow and not think too much on how it should sound or what you think is the right way to express yourself.
Secretly lying to keep us apart,
I refused to admit you were still in my heart,
I thought I was done,
I thought I had quit,
I thought I had moved on from your stupid bit,
Then you came back and ruined it all,
"Trying to be nice" my heart started to fall,
Sinking and sinking into a deep pit of confusion,
Then I thought it just to be an illusion,
I was finally moving, then u put back in my mind,
Searching for answers I found nothing to find,
Still hiding your reasons I gave up with the fight,
Again getting angered and confused at night,
We made an agreement of no more hatred to exchange,
First meet of words my heart rearranged,
No longer hating but hurting inside,
We finally had our first and last goodbyes,
Tears held back from my eyes til late,
I will never understand why you started to hate,
1,000 miles away I still wonder and care,
What happened to us, what happened to this year
the ending for The Bridge was nice. And i'm diggin the bridge metaphor!
Here's my favorite lines from that one:
"Your ears heard but kept away,
Your true feelings you have today,
You took my happiness at the egde,
And pushed me off that golden bridge"
That' was dope! For some reason, i'm really diggin that ears line!
"Love and hate was cool!" You stayed true to the theme of the title by contrasting every aspect of emotion in that broken heart state. Nice!
Confuse was one of my favorite. Similar to how you execute for Love and Hate, you clearly stayed true to the theme of the title as each line has a sort of unsettling qualities too them. This line here sums up the piece nicely:
"I'm scared to trust my own instincts,"
Illness!!
Now for the downside. No Name, was terrible! I didn't like that one at all. Each one of the topic had a theme that was executed well, resulting in an easy time to relate to your emotions and feelings, except No Name. I wasn't sure what kind of feelings or emotion you were trying to conveyed there. Another downer was, I feel, The simple wordings. Trying using a thesaurus to spice your poem up a little. Trust me, it makes a huge different. Other than those blemishes, Good Job!!
__________________ my life rap isn't for the weak or feeble/ my youth was no sunshine the grind'll eat you/ they say learn from the past history can teach you/ but if i live backward all i see is evil.....Doomsday biatch!!!!!
KMC Community Forums
Jan 28th, 2007 08:25 PM
but i like it other than that...
yes i do 
but very very good poem, i luv u an miss u girl sooo much
