Originally posted by SpadeKing😆
George Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said: "I sure would like to go to Disneyland." George said: "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."
The second kid said: "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." George said: "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!".
The third kid said: "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!" George Bush is a little perplexed by this and says: "But you don't look like you are injured."
The kid says: "But I will be after my dad finds out I saved your butt from drowning!"
This is a pretty long one, but a real classic
Woody Allen, Steven Tyler and Jesse Ventura are on a safari in the jungle. After a while they encounter a native tribe and they are warmly welcomed to the village.
Here they are introduced to the chief, and he explains a problem he has:
'Greetings fine men! And how fortunate your arrival is! The thing is, I have a daughter that needs to get married so my bloodline will continue to exist. Sadly, none of the men here are worthy of her, but maybe one of you lads is!
The chief brings forth his beautiful daughter and all 3 of our hero's instantly fall in love.
'Naturally you will have to prove your self worthy before you can have her hand' the chief continues, 'Are you ready for that?'
'Yes!' all 3 reply.
'Very well, I have 3 tents set up, in the first there are 3 barrels of whisky. You need to drink em all. Next is a tent with 12 women, you must please them all. Finally there is a tent with 7 bears, which all must be slain!' 'Who's first!?'
Woody runs for the whisky tent and manages to drink 2 barrels before he falls down dead. 'Pity, next!' (new whisky is placed)
Steven is next, drinks all of the whisky, wobbles to the bear tent and is ripped to shreds in moments.
Then Jesse steps up. He hits the booze tent, drinks it all and staggers out and goes into the nearest next tent. From here there then emerge gruesome sounds, howls and fur and blood start flying out of the entrance...
Until finally Jesse steps out, mutilated but alive. He wipes the blood from his eyes and asks 'Ok, now were was that tent with the 12 women I have to slay?'
Originally posted by emily_fletcher
Ok, heres a blonde joke:You've got mail, the Blonde version
A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box.She keeps doing this until her neighbour asks her why she is doing that.
The blonde replies "My computer keeps telling me that i've got mail".
No offence to anyone lol
😂 that was stupid...
no offence to anyone...
and we have other versions of that back here...