Originally posted by Koala MeatPieThese are for individual jokes though. This is one mass of a encyclopedia of jokes. But whatever. Just let people enjoy it while it's here.
I don't think you did:
Originally posted by Koala MeatPieThese are for individual jokes though. This is one mass of a encyclopedia of jokes. But whatever. Just let people enjoy it while it's here.
I don't think you did:
Originally posted by Spideys Sister
I did a seach.Another:
Little Johnny was seven years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from the other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mother.
"Sis and her boyfriend sat down and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her. I figured sis must be getting sick because her face started to look funny. He must of thought so too because he put his hand inside her shirt to feel her heart, just like a doctor would. Except he's not as good as a doctor, because he seemed to have an awful hard time finding her heart.
He was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold because he put it under her skirt to warm up. About this time, sis got toward the end of the couch. This was when the fever started. I know it was a fever because sis told him she was really HOT.
Finally, I found out what was making them so sick... a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there about 9 inches long. Honest! anyway, he grabbed it in one hand and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. I should tell her about the ones I saw at the lake!
Anyway sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting his head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go..I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eels head to keep it from biting again.
Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissors lock on it. And he helped by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them.
After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend sat up and sure enough they had killed the eel.. I knew it was dead because it hung there limp and some of its guts were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were tired from the battle, but they went on courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. And by golly, the eel wasn't dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats... they have nine lives or something.
This time Sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After about 35 minutes of struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it was really dead this time because I saw Sis boyfriend peel off the skin and flush it down the toilet."
Mother fainted.
Originally posted by Bloigen
Originally posted by DanZeke25
Michael Jackson and 6 kids were on a private plane. After a couple hours, the co-piliot comes out and says that the plane is going down and they have to evacuate. The pilot shows Michael where the parachutes are. Michael grabs one and realizes there is none left.
"What about the kids?" asked Michael.
"F*ck the kids." replied the pilot.
"You think we have time?"
😆
Originally posted by JacopeXApoligie accepted.
I wuz jus playin. If you dont know that side of me, i apologize 🙂
Incomming joke:
A girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
Originally posted by Spideys Sister
These are for individual jokes though. This is one mass of a encyclopedia of jokes. But whatever. Just let people enjoy it while it's here.
Originally posted by Koala MeatPie
Yeah, There are at laast 4 threads like that.
Originally posted by Spideys Sister
Apoligie accepted.Incomming joke:
A girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
Originally posted by Bloigen
I continue to post until a mod says I can't have a thread like this... which happens everytime I make a thread. 🙁
During World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a hit seemed inevitable. The captain told the navigator to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something so at least they would die laughing.
The navigator went down and said to the crew, "What would you think if I could split the whole ship in two by hitting my penis against the table?"
The crew burst out laughing. So, the navigator pulled his penis out and whammed it on the table. Just when his penis hit the table, a huge explosion tore the ship apart. The only survivors were the captain and the navigator.
As they floated around in a lifeboat, the captain asked the navigator, "Well, the crew really laughed. What did you do?" The navigator then told him the story.
The captain replied, "Well, you better be careful with that penis of yours. The torpedo missed!"