A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The
Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American
said,"We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So
what, we're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and
the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You
can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the
Russian.. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you
know. We're going at night!"
A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and
approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason
that you're weaving all over the road?" The woman replied, "Oh
officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident!
I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved
to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved
to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror,the
officer replied, "Ma'am...that's your air freshener."
SHE WAS SO BLONDE, THAT...
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped over the cordless phone.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She told someone to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius.
If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.
When she saw the sign in front of the YMCA, she said, "Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!".
She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
(are you ready? ... this is a beauty ... 😂)
My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL." 😆
50 REASONS TO BE BLONDE
1. We can get laid anytime we want.
2. We never have to buy our own drinks at the bar.
3. We piss sitting down so it's easier to pass out on the toilet when you're drunk.
4. We get out of speeding tickets by crying.
5. We avoid speeding tickets by showing a little cleavage or leg.
6. We can sleep our way to the top of the class.
7. We get to shop at Victoria's Secret.
8. We can marry rich and then not have to work.
9. We never have to pay when we go out on dates.
10. Men take us on all expense paid trips - all we have to do is sleep with them.
11. Men light our cigarettes for us.
12. Men hold the door open for us.
13. We pout better (those puppy dog eyes always work!).
14. We're cuter.
15. We lie better.
16. We're better manipulators.
17. We always end up sleeping in the bed when we fight with our other halves - you guys get the couch.
18. We always have food in the fridge.
19. We don't worry about losing our hair.
20. We always get to choose the movie.
21. We don't have to mow the lawn.
22. We don't have to take out the garbage.
23. We don't have to paint the house or walls.
24. PMS - yet another excuse to ***** at men.
25. Cosmopolitan.
26. We can con our way out of anything - not just dig ourselves deeper into a hole.
27. Men unlock our side of the car first - a real bonus when its cold.
28. PMS is a legal defence for murder.
29. Men are like tiles, lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them forever.
30. We can masturbate more in a day than men can.
31. 2 words - multi orgasmic.
32. We don't have to constantly adjust our genitals.
33. Sweat is sexy on us
34. We never run out of excuses.
35. You guys may get to think about sex 200 times a day, but we could be having it that often.
36. Doggie style - that way we get to watch the game too.
37. We get expensive jewellery as gifts that we NEVER have to give back.
38. We get candy, flowers and jewellery all the time because men **** up so often.
39. We can give "the look" that will make any man want to cower in the corner.
40. Blondes are cleaner.
41.Blondes have more than one erogenous zone (in case you guys didn't know).
42. We're better arguers.
43. We don't always have to think with our genitals.
44. Massage!!!!
45. Blondes know how to fake it..
46. We never have to sit home alone on a weekend night.
47. There's never a shortage of ready, willing and able men.
48. We're flexible.
49. Better Tips
50. There is no penis envy.
😆 😛