Don't be controlled by your fear, Neo. There are only two ways out of this building. One is that scaffold. The other is is with a cookie. You take a chance either way. I leave it to you.
[CONT FROM PLASMA]
The other life is lived in cookies where you go by the baking alias 'Mr Kipling', and are guilty of virtually every baking crime we have a law for, including the unauthorized use of the N.H.S. system for the insertion of purified sugar.
AGENT SMITH One of these lives has a future. One of them does not.
I'm going to be as forthcoming as I can be, Mr. Cookieeater . You are here because we need your help.
We know that you have been contacted by a certain individual. A baker who calls himself 'Hovis'. Whatever you think you know about this baker is irrelevant to the fact that he is wanted for acts of cookie-terrorism in more countries than any other man in the world. He is considered by many authorities to be the most dangerous man alive.
AGENT SMITH My colleagues believe that I am wasting my time with you, but I believe you want to do the right thing. It is obvious that you are skilled baker, Mr. cookieeater, and that you are interested in the future of their glorous goodness. That is why I believe you are ready to put your past mistakes behind you and get on with your life.
AGENT SMITH We are willing to wipe the slate clean, to give you a fresh start and all we are asking in return is your cooperation in bringing a known terrorist to justice.
MR KIPLING Yeah. Wow. That sounds like a real good deal. But I think I have a better one. How about I give you a cookie -- and you can cram that baking oven up your Secret Service sphincter.
SPOON BOY (SKINNY BOY): Do not try to bake the cookie. That is impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth.
NEO: What truth?
SPOON BOY: That there is no flour.
Neo nods, staring at the spoon.
NEO: There is no flour.
SPOON BOY: Then you will see that it is not the cookie that bakes. It is only the flour.
'No? Let me tell you what I believe. I believe that cookie means more to me than he does to you. I believe that if you are serious about baking it then you are going to need my help and since I am the ranking baker in this pattiserie, if you don't like it, then I believe that you can go to hell, because you aren't going anywhere else'- Trinity
'Every muffin in this bakery instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the fat shoppers. But you cookies do not. You move to an area and you induce obesity every natural thought of exercise is consumed and the only way you can survive is to be rebaked to the same receipe.'- Smith
'This is a recipe program, similar to the programmed reality of a cookbook. It has the same basic ingredients. ingredients like chocolate. What you must learn is that these ingredients are no different than the ingredients of a muffin. some can be healthy. Others, not.'- Morpheus
*smith holds a cookie to morpheus*
Agent Smith: Have you ever stood and stared at it, Morpheus? Marveled at its beauty. Its genius. Billions of people just living out their lives... oblivious.
Tank: So what do you need? Besides lots of guns?
Neo: Cookies. Lots of cookies.
Neo: I tihnk we should inject PURIFIED CARAMEL into the next batch, then add the dark triple chocolate.
Trinity: Neo... noone has ever done anything like this.
Neo: That's why it's going to work.
Trintity: You said that eating four packets of cookies was suicide.
Morpheus: "Let us hope then, that I was wrong"
Merovingian: "Cookies?? What cookies?? I wasn't eating any cookies."
Persephone: "You wern't eating them with your mouth, my love."
^^^ Yeah, I slightly scared myself when I typed that 😄
Trinity: Do you know what happened to the cookie?
Oracle: It is trapped in a place between this bakery and my stomach.
Neo: Who are you?
Bane: Look past the crunchy flesh, and see your chocolatey enemy.
Neo: Its imposible- White Chocolate?
Bane: Ineveitable, Dark and Milk!
Smith: Mr Cookieater, welcome back
Neo: I eat you tonight!
Morpheus: Youve never eaten a cookie
Niobe: I still won't
Niobe: I believe in the recipie
Neo: Hiya, fellas.
[Cookie 1] It's him
[Cookie 2] The Baker.
[Cookie 3] Do we proceed?
[Cookie 2] Yes.
[Cookie 3] He is still...
[Cookie 1]...only human.
*Neo bits Cookie 1's arm*
Neo: Mmmm.... choc chip
Smith: We're here because of you, Mister Anderson, we're here to take from you what you tried to take from us. Cookies.
Neo: You want your cookies back? Well I ate them all.... with a certain satisfaction, I might add.
Smith: F**k you!!
*Smith tries to pull cookies out of Neo's stomach*
Neo: HAHAHAH, TOO WEAK, BIATCH
Smiths 1 through 5346987: GIVE US THE COOKIES!
*All the Smith try to beat up Neo for the cookies, whilst Smith number 435 takes over some woman for her groceries, he runs off and eats the cookies in her bag*
Smith 3249: More....
*Everyone in the world... no, no... UNIVERSE allows themselves to be taken over so they can get some cookies, and they all fight Neo, instead they get a pole to the head. Eventually, everyone jumps on top of Neo, hoping to make his stomach EXPLODE!!!!!! and release the cookies. This, fails, and Neo flies off, and laughs at the Smiths on the floor*
Neo: Look, Smith 435 has cookies!
*As everyone turns round Neo runs away*
A little late, but I was in the mood for something funny. It's not perfect, but should be good. Enjoy!
Smith/Oracle: Why, Mr. Anderson, why? Why, why do you do it? Why, why eat? Why keep chewing? Do you believe you're eating for something, for more than your cookie? Can you tell me what it is, do you even know? Is it chochlate chip or oatmeal, perhaps peanut butter- could it be sugar cookies? Illusions, Mr. Anderson, vagaries of perception. Temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself. Although, only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson, you must know it by now! You can't eat, it's pointless to keep biting! Why, Mr. Anderson, why, why do you persist?